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"This has never happened to me before. I've never let this happen. This will never happen again." These were the thoughts rolling through my head. I couldn't believe it, I was stuck on the side of the road.
It had been a great week. Amy and I (Jay), had been preparing to share about the Capernaum ministry with leaders at our area leaders and committee weekend. It's Friday morning so we picked up the rental car, finished last minute packing, double checked that we had everything we needed for the presentation, loaded the car, and were off. It was about a 5 hour and 10 minute drive to the camp where we were meeting. We've made this trip multiple times over the last couple of years. I can't say I can get to the camp directions free, but I'm getting pretty close. But we know the route. We know the highway exchanges, the towns we drive through, the restaurants we pass, and the gas station/restroom stops. All total, the trip, with stops, is a little over 6 hours. No problem. Except this time, we made the first leg of the trip with no stops. That's about 3 hours and a couple minutes. We never stopped. From the moment we left our drive way, we the exception of 2 short stop sign stops, we didn't stop. It was all green lights and highway.
The first leg of the trip is usually about an hour and twenty minutes, 83.3 miles. This is a restroom stop and a fuel refill if necessary. Oh, and there's a Bass Pro Shop Outdoor World and Chick-fil-A at this exit, so you know, sometimes you just gotta stop. This time, no stop. We were cruising.
The second leg takes us to one of our favorite areas in West Virginia, Nicholas County, home of Summersville Lake, the New River Gorge, and a Sheetz that we always stop at for...gas and restrooms. (And maybe a snack for the ride.) This is another hour and 50 minutes, and another 122 miles. If you're keeping count, that's approximately 3 hours and 20 minutes; 205 miles. (approximate)
Earlier that morning, when we picked up the rental, we were told the vehicle's fuel gauge was reading 5/8 filled. The estimated range was about 220 miles. The plan was to stop at the Sheetz where we would stretch our legs, visit the facilities, and refuel; then back on the road. No worries.
4.4 miles. I'll never forget those numbers. 4.4 miles. We know this route. And on this route, we exit RT 79 south and pick up RT 19 south. From this point, it's 25.8 minutes to the Sheetz. I checked the estimate fuel range on the dashboard of the rental; 37 miles. Perfect, 12 miles to spare, give or take.
The drive through this part of West Virginia is beautiful. If you enjoy mountains and valleys and epic landscapes, you'd love this part of the ride. I like this part of the ride. But I forgot, this part of the drive has a slight incline to it. In fact, most of the drive into Summersville is a gentle ride uphill. About 10 miles in, the little red line of the fuel gauge is struggling to stay above the the E.
We were 4.4 miles away from our destination.
A few minutes after sending my SOS, I get a phone call. It's roadside assistance confirming my request. But the call is spotty. I can barely make out what the guy is saying. The call is dropped. Ugh. So I go back to the app, find a number and call. After a few second of menu and numeric selections on my keypad, there's a voice. Nice.
We again confirm; name, account, vehicle, fuel. Great. Not great. The car is a rental, not covered under the policy. This is going to be expensive. At this point we're about 30 minutes into our dilemma. But with payment, help will be on it's way. Fine. We provide the necessary information and the voice on the other end of the phone says we will receive a text message letting us know who will be coming, a phone number of the company coming to help, and estimated arrival time. An hour and 20 minutes later, we were still stuck on the side of the highway, waiting for help.
We've been together almost 30 years. Married 28 years (in May). We have taken countless trips. Never. Never, have we allowed ourselves to run out of gas while traveling. And don't worry, the spiritual implications of all of this isn't lost on me. This will be an illustration in a future sermons, messages, and blog posts. But as we sat there we talked a little, laughed a little, and dealt with the frustration of the situation. I mean, what else are you to do in a situation like this. We thought we had enough gas to make it. We were wrong. 4.4 miles wrong.
We were approaching the 2 hour mark. No word from roadside assistance. After multiple calls, we learn they were having trouble securing assistance. Wow. Really? Time for a plan.
Fortunately, we were stuck by an exit. There wasn't much around us, but we got out of the vehicle, and looked around we realized that on our side of the highway was a WVDOH lot. At first we thought it was just a utility garage, but a WVDOH, surely we might find some help there. We left the vehicle, walked down the exit and across the road to the DOH garage. We found an employee and explained our situation. He said some times they have extra gas on site, but not today. I told them about our roadside assistance, or lack of. He said, "Oh, call J & J Body Shop, they can help." I looked them up. 7 miles away. Got a number. Got a person! Got help. (Yes, we realize this could have been our answer all along. Just hang in there. Like I said, the spiritual implications of all this isn't lost.)
First came a sweet old man in a late model pick up, like an old Ford Ranger 2-door with extended cab. He must have been in his 70's, and looked concerned. He yelled to us, "Do you need help?"
We could barely hear him over the highway noise. I thought, someone actually stopped to see if we were in need. I mean, he stopped what he was doing, where he was going, and offered assistance. Then I noticed the sticker of a cross behind the tint of his driver-side cab window. I smiled. Okay, God. As we explained that help was coming, our tow truck pulled up behind the rental. The old man gave me 2 thumbs up and a smile. As I turned towards the tow truck, a third vehicle pulled up. A WV Roadside Courtesy Vehicle. Help had arrived, and in unexpected form. When I had finally looked at the tow truck, I saw that it was covered in colorful puzzle pieces. I looked at Amy. Amy looked at me. No way.
After a quick exchange with the tow truck driver, he began pouring gas into the rental. Amy talked with the Courtesy Vehicle, thanked him for stopping, and dismissed him.
As we talked with the tow truck driver, we learned that this was their Autism Awareness rig. The owners have a family member with autism. They also have a breast cancer awareness rig. Can you believe it? It was like God was just pouring it on.
So often in life, we ask the why, or the why now. We look at our circumstances and wonder what's it all about? What's the point? How does it all fit together? We complain or stress or fear that we have done something to alter the story of our lives. Was it a mistake? Did we not hear God rightly? Have we fallen out of his favor or blessing or love or will?
We've talked, a lot lately, about that. For our lives, our family, our ministry. We lost one of our Capernaum students recently. It was unexpected. A few days after her passing, we received a call from the same family; the sister was now on life support with the same issue and it wasn't looking good. And we think, God, really? It's things like this that shake our faith. We have questions, doubts, fear. God, why?
With gas in the car, we signed some paperwork, thanked the driver, and drove 4.4 miles to that Sheetz. We topped off the tank; it's full now. Visited the restrooms and continued on, making a quick stop for dinner in Lewisburg, WV. As we sat at the table, we started talking about all of this; being stuck on the highway, our kids, Capernaum, ministry to students, church, our marriage, and our future ministry opportunities. So much has changed. How does it all fit?
I was reminded of Psalm 139:16, "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139, is this outcry to God, acknowledging God as our incredible, loving creator. We are knit together, formed in the womb, fearfully and wonderfully made. And here in verse 16, the writer gives up this powerful thought, that before I took my first breath, before I was formed in the womb, I was known. And there it was written, every day, ordained by God. Before day one, he knew all my days. There is nothing that happens in our lives that he doesn't already know. No surprises. No moments of shock. No unexpected steps. Every day, from the first to the last, he knows. He ordained. He wrote them, each one of them. And while there might be the hard times, really challenging times, times when we think we can't go another day, God knows. He always knows. It's hard to be reminded that God is there, especially when things are hard. Yet, it's easy to yell at God when we think it isn't fair. But our God is a God of love and a God of hope. A God who wants us to lean into him, to trust him, to know that he is there for us.
As I type this up, thinking about the God-sighting moments of our excursion...I can't help but notice,
We were heading to a training weekend with Young Life, to talk about the ministry to students with disabilities. Specifically, how we need to grow an awareness and serve along side these amazingly gifted individuals, a practice that we are still learning. We've worked hard to prepare for this presentation and yet still feel a little inadequate to lead. But here we are, stuck on the side of the highway, as an autism awareness tow truck comes to rescue us. And, in a season of life that has brought us our fair share of confusion, question, doubt, anxiety, fear, and wonder, we continue to watch as God patiently directs each next step. He's here. He's providing. Not always in ways where we think we got this, "let me just get my roadside assistance to help us." But in the little things; like a WVDOH employee who knows who to call, an old man in an old truck with a cross sticker in the window, and in a car stuck on the side of a highway. Everything fits. And everything has it's purpose. Sometimes it helps to get stuck. Forever in His Grace. - jay
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Do your kids talk to you? Not just the passing words of greetings or grunts of affirmation when you pass each other in the kitchen. Do your kids talk to you, really talk to you?
While heading to pick up our daughter from school, something we haven't done much lately, a strange awareness of the passing of time was felt. Ever since our son got his drivers license, he has been the primary mode of transportation to and from school. That has freed us up from driving, unless we need our second vehicle; then we drop off or pick up. Minus a short window of a time where our older boys rode a school bus, we ever always driven or walked our kids to and from school. We loved doing that. We loved having that time with them in the car. That time in the car became a sweet time to talk and be with our kids.
This recent drive to the school stirred the thought of how we talk with our kids, which led to this question, "How do you cultivate communication with your kids?"
Too often, we hear the comment that kids and parents don't talk; don't communicate with each other. There might be the hello and goodbye when passing, or the occasional question when one needs to have permission to do something, but what about real conversation? As youth workers, we've always desired open communication with our kids. Hearing from parents and students that communication is hard, we set out to create space where our kids felt comfortable talking with us. And not just filling us in with what's happening at school, but comfortable to talk about relationships, struggles, friends, teachers, and anything else that they might want to talk about. For us, we would much rather they come to us with their questions, emotions, and curiosities. So we determined to create an atmosphere where communication was welcomed and encouraged. We told our kids that we wanted them to feel like they could talk to us about anything. Having worked with students, there wasn't much that we haven't heard, discussed, or counseled. Nothing they said would surprise or shock us. In a way, working with students helped to prepare us for the adolescent years. So we set out, both with our words and our actions, to create a space where our kids felt like they could come to us with whatever topic or issue they had. Here's what we did. Say it and say it again...
Before we were anywhere near the teenage years, we made it a point to talk to our kids. In the car, at the dinner table, before bed, when building LEGOs; communication was important. We would remind them over and over again that they could talk to us, that we loved them and we wanted them to know that we were a safe place for them. As they grew we continued to remind them how important it is to talk. As they stepped into their teenage years, we said it would be better that they share things with us rather than we finding out from someone else. That meant both the good things and not so good things. We told them that they could come to us no matter what. We wanted them to hear from us, over and over, so they knew they could come to us.
Have a Planned Response...
Do you know how you will respond to your kids when they come to you? It's a bit of an ambiguous question. How do you know how you will respond when you don't know what you're responding to, right? But you can.
As a youth worker, Jay told his students that if they ever needed anything, he would be there, no matter what. And in the moment, no questions asked, he would show up, then the situation would be discussed later. We decided to apply that to how we raised our kids. We wanted them to know that they could call on us, come to us, and we would be available, no matter what, no questions asked. Then we would circle back after everyone has had a chance to recover. The point was to be there for them in the minute without the fear of how we would respond. When we did get together to talk, we practiced the art of listening; we gave them the chance to tell us what was happened. Our response then is one that comes from a desire to guide and lead our kids instead of hammering them with what they might have done wrong and any punishments that might follow. Our goal in raising our kids is/was to help them grow and mature, to think through their actions and reactions, to be able to make healthy decisions, and to learn from their mistakes. This is your planned response, not a heavy hand and condemnation that stifles their growth, but to navigate the situation so they are learning and maturing. A planned response is just that, taking a moment to respond to our kids with a calm wisdom and grace that allows for a healthy, appropriate respond. Nurture Spaces and Times for Kids to talk...
Once you make the commitment to cultivate communication with your kids, the work of nurturing spaces and times for your kids to talk is your next step. By this we mean creating rhythms within your family time where your kids know they can talk and share with you. This is designating times and places where everyone knows, "Hey, I can talk about this here." For us this was the dinner hour, around the table. It was in the car, driving to and from the school. On road trips to visit family or for vacation. It was at bedtime, decompressing after a long day. It was on the sofa after a tough day at school. For each of these examples, we have established that this is a safe place or a familiar time where our kids can talk. Dinner was a time to tell stories, be funny, laugh, and talk about our day. Bedtime was a sweet time to wrap up the day and look forward to the next day.
Think of a time or times within your family rhythms that offer the opportunity to talk and share as a family. Consider the drive time to and from school or to and from the grocery store as a time to turn down the radio and have a conversation. Use bedtime as a chance to talk about the highs and lows of the day. And as we build these times and spaces, not only are we showing them that it's safe to talk with you, but you're creating the invitation that you are approachable whenever they need to talk with you. Two tools or Practices to master...
One of the best tools we have, thanks to Amy, is the Question. Amy is the Queen of Questions. She has mastered the art of asking questions that get our kids talking. If you want your kids to talk, especially as teenagers, you have to learn to ask the right questions. These are open questions that require more than 'Yes' or 'No' answers. Come up with a handful of leading questions to have on hand. As you ask your questions and be ready with a few follow up questions.
The second tool, or practice really, is Listening. Learning the practice of listening is super important. You want your kids to know that your communication goes both ways. If you want your kids to hear and listen to you, your counsel, your encouragement; you have to show them that you are listening to them. Practice the skill of listening. Hearing your kids builds trust and tells your kids that what they have to say matters. As they become adults, that trust keeps the door open for future conversations. Watch the almost daily vlog
We are blessed to have the relationships with our kids where they know they can talk. And we are blessed that we can talk with our kids. As our kids become young adults, having them reach out or call, and share with us what's happening in their lives. And call they do.
Being able to talk with your kids, your spouse, is a skill that you will want to have in your toolbox as a parent or spouse. Work together to cultivate communication with your kids. What about you? What do you do to cultivate communication with your kids? Share your practices and helps in the comments below. family resources
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We're about to step into a busy week. Truth be told, we're about have three really busy weeks. So as I thought about the upcoming busyness, I thought back to my time in ministry and how I would prepare my weekly calendar. To Do List, calendar blocking, schedules, and appointments all helped to keep me organized and productive. And as a recovering procrastinator, I needed to be organized.
In today's Almost Daily vlog, we talk about how to plan for a busy week. Take a few minutes and watch the Almost Daily Vlog. Then, drop down and leave a comment, "How do you plan for a busy week?" Resources and Helps
Get An Organizer/Planner
Over the years I have used a selection of yearly planners to help stay organized and productive. Printed planners like the one shown to the left made planning and scheduling an ease. The Dunwell Weekly Planner includes:
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It's crazy to think that we are here at the end of 2023. It's was a year that started out with a little excitement and a little trepidation. We were about to begin a new chapter. 2022 was a year of trials with wins and losses. And in the midst of it all, a sense that God was at work.
2022 ended with a life changing decision. After 25 years of full-time youth ministry, Jay stepped down from his role as a family ministry director. We were sensing that God was beginning to lead us in a new direction. What that direction was, we didn't fully know, but we had a lot to sort out and we needed time to do so. 2023 launched us into a year of seeking God for guidance and wisdom. We also prayed for His provision, to which He blessed us with freelance and remote work. He also began showing us a possible ministry opportunity. A Look Back at 2023
2023 also brought tremendous time of family togetherness and ministry growth. Being able to work remotely offered a new flexibility that allowed us to take advantage of our time and spend it with the kids. There were plenty of day trips and weekend get-aways; kayaking, fishing, and exploring the community around us.
We had to to care for our chickens and duck, work in the garden, and tackle a few projects around the house and property. We incubated and hatched 13 duck eggs, enjoyed homegrown veggies and herbs, processed our first 2 meat birds, and gathered lots and lot of fresh eggs. We made and froze our own tomato sauce, learned how to make a few new dishes and watched as our first pumpkins came into color. Spring led to summer, and summer led to fall as we welcomed a new furry friend into the family. The boys took Jay fly fishing for the first time and we attended a Nascar-like race. We spent a week at one of our favorite places, Pine Springs Camp, serving as volunteer directors while Breya enjoyed a week of camp.
We also spent a lot of time working with our Capernaum students. This past year, Amy has poured her heart into the ministry, and we have watched God grow the program with new friends/students, new activities, new leaders and buddies, and new supporters. As we wrapped up the 2023 year, we celebrated with almost 80 guests (friends/students, leaders, buddies, and families) at our annual Family Christmas party in December.
As for the Higham family, in January, we welcomed a new grand-daughter, Worthy Jae. Parents, Nate and Amaris, continue to make a life for themselves as they raise Ace and Worthy, care for the home, and rescue the community from the wildlife that invade the businesses and homes around them.
Logan is doing well in Florida, working as a banker and developing some original fly's, while producing fly's for a local fly shop. We got to see him a handful of times this past year, making a certain mom's heart very happy. We're looking forward to visiting with him later in the year! Aiden is working construction in both WV and Florida, and mastering photography in his free time. And when he's not doing either of those activities, he's spending time with Asher or his friends fishing, snowboarding, hanging out, playing video games, and loving on Rex (his new puppy).
Asher is a senior! He's killing it at school maintaining a place among the top of his class, while also working as a shift leader at our local Chick-fil-A. He is a great leader among his peers and his work-mates. He plays lacrosse, serves as a student leader with his youth group and as a buddy with Capernaum, and loves to be in a stream or creek catching native Brook Trout.
Breya started her freshman year and is doing great academically. She rocked her freshman volleyball season learn how to dominate the net. There's nothing better than getting a solid block over the net. Breya also serves as a buddy with Capernaum, babysits, and held her first summer job at our local park. Looking Ahead to 2024
2023 was a great year. But as we look ahead towards 2024, we are excited for what God is doing. We are planning for more ministry and growth with Capernaum, more partnerships with area student ministries, and new adventures for us as a family. There are a number of projects on the drawing board that we look forward to sharing with you in the months to come.
We're reminded of Jeremiah 29. We shared some thoughts on these verse in two blog posts towards the end of last year (Happy Thanksgiving & A Heart For Your Community).
Jeremiah 29: 11-13 reads, " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV) If 2023 was a year of seeking God, asking for wisdom and guidance, waiting on His 'what's next' for us, then 2024 is going to be a year for hopes and plans. God has been so good. So faithful. So dependable. And the dreams and hopes and plans that he has put on our hearts, well, we can't wait to see the fruits of them.
Our prayer for you this year, no matter where you are in life, is that you would seek God with all your heart. Know that the plans that you has for you are His plans for you. They might not be the plans that you would choose for yourself, but they are His plans for your good.
Welcome to 2024! Let's see what the year holds together. - jay & amy
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Happy New Year!
Quick question for you, Do you set new years resolutions for yourself? How about yearly goals? As the year gets started, I would like to have your consider joining my this year to live according to the word. What's that mean? Check out today's Almost Daily Vlog. Then check out the resources at the bottom of the post.
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Pastor Adam's Message
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We tried something new this Christmas. We've never been a Christmas dinner family. We've always seen Christmas day as an opportunity to be together as a family. The thought of someone having to go and prepare a fancy dinner, taking them away from the fun, just didn't seem fair. So instead of Christmas dinner, we would pick a few of our favorite appetizers and set them out for everyone to sample as the day wore on. This left plenty of space to try different traditions and meal ideas.
For example there were years where Jay would meet up with the family on Christmas eve at a local restaurant. Jay would be working at the church to get ready for the Christmas Eve services; lunch made for a nice break in the middle of what would be a very long day. Then there were years where we enjoyed Chinese Food for dinner. It all just depended on the day, services times, where we lived, and Jay's role on Christmas Eve. Last Christmas, we did try a Christmas dinner on Christmas day, but it just wasn't the same as our appetizer buffet.
This year we wanted to try something different. As our kids grow, so do their palettes and food interests. We heard friends of ours talking about a brisket that they smoked and ate on Christmas. It sound delicious. The problem was, we don't own a smoker. Nor have we ever smoked meat before. In fact, we didn't know anything about smoking meat. But hey, why not give it a try.
First things first, we needed the meat. For that, we picked up a 12 lb. brisket from the meat department of our local grocer. We weren't totally sure what we were looking for, but it was a nice piece of meat for a nice price. Because of our lack of experience, we knew we didn't want to spend a ton of money on something we might ruin. We got the meat.
Second, we needed to procure a smoker. We were in no position to drop a couple hundred dollars for a new smoker, nor were we ready to make such a commitment at this point. Then I had an idea. I wondered if there might be a way to convert my gas grill into a temporary smoker. So off to YouTube I went. Sure enough, I found a number of videos that show how to convert a gas grill into a smoker with just a few simple modifications.
Of all the videos I watch, there were two that stood out as informative and instructional. I want to share these videos here, because they were so helpful.
The first is by Jaxx Drinkwater Southern Cooking & BBQ. Jaxx does a great job walking you through the steps of both converting the grill and setting up your brisket. The second video comes from Shane at Payne County Rust. I found this video incredibly helpful. Like Jaxx, Shane walks you step by step through the process. However, I found Shane's video to be easy to follow as a "beginner."
As I watched the videos, I made notes on what materials I needed. A smoker box, drip pans, wood, dry rub, mister, and flavor injector. With a list of items and ingredients, it was time to go shopping. I'll leave links to similar items I bought below. You can pick up these items through our partnership with Amazon.
For the most part, I followed the steps laid out in Shane's video. I defatted the brisket, added some injectable flavoring, and applied the dry rub. For the flavoring I found a recipe on MasterClass.com, titled, Brisket Injection Recipe: How to Inject Brisket With Marinade. It was a simple recipe, easy to make, and delicious in the brisket. The rub was from Kinders. We chose the Woodfired Garlic Rub, which was great on the brisket.
I left the brisket sit over night in the refrigerator. Then on Friday, we fired up the grill, lit the wood chips we bought and started the process of smoking our first brisket. We followed Shane's instructions, turning, misting, and added wood chips every couple of hours. When the brisket reached the designated temperature, I wrapped it in foil and let it rest in the oven at 250˚ for about 3 hours. At the 3 hour mark, we shut down the heat, and allowed the brisket to rest and cool over night in the oven. The next day, we warmed the brisket and sliced it for dinner. For a first time brisket, it turned out pretty good, and might end up being a new Christmas Eve tradition. Take 3 minutes and watch the video of our first smoked brisket. smoker gear
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!
- jay & amy |
Welcome to the Life in the Higham House , we are glad you are visiting. As a family of 7, we have had our fair share of adventures. We share our stories with the hope of passing along what we have learned, what we love, and what God is doing in our lives to encourage you and your family. But we love to hear from our readers, so please share your thought in the comment section of each post.
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