A couple of days ago, Jay and I filmed a vlog about how we are processing the loss of the baby. (You can watch the vlog here; Dealing with Grief and Loss.) It has been an emotional roller coaster and I know that I’m not processing it well. There are moments when I feel like I am good, then I have moments when I feel sad and frustrated. I want to be that faithful follower of Jesus who completely trusts in His Sovereign plan. And while I do trust, it doesn't relieve the pain, frustration, anger, and loss. For me this isn't just about losing the baby, it's also about closing the door to a time in my life that I truly cherished.

I loved being home with my kids while they were babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers. And while I’d still love to have them home, I know that going to school each day is part of growing up. It’s this season in their lives where they begin to grow independent of me and learn to navigate life on their own. 

But for Jay and I, we find ourselves entering a new season.

My dream is, and always has been, to stay home and care for my husband, children and the needs of our home. I believe it is my calling. And while I firmly believe that that hasn't changed, I do find myself at a crossroads of uncertainty. What am I supposed to do now?

Am I to join the likes of moms who have entered the workplace and help my husband provide for our family? Am I to be creative and find some way to help provide while I'm still at home? Or am I simply to wait for God's timing to reveal what’s next?

See that's the hard part for me. Waiting.

Am I simply to wait for God's timing to reveal what’s next?
See that's the hard part for me. Waiting.

Yep, I admit it! I think, "How can he possibly understand what I'm going through?" His body hasn't changed with all of these pregnancies. He doesn't have to deal with hormones all over the place. Sure, he’s changed jobs a few times, but his daily routine hasn't changed all that much. What does he really know

But he is wise in the Lord. He knows God is faithful. He has faith that truly can move mountains.  

Last week as I was pouring out to him my frustrations of feeling like we were being punished, he asked me what I was reading in God’s word. I told him, “Well, I'm going through Job with my daily reading".  He said, “Amy, you need to stop that for now and read something like 1 John and be reminded of how much God loves you.” 

Really?

I thought it was ok to read any part of God's Word, as it’s always applicable. While I truly believe that, I also believe that we need to be aware of the state of our heart and adjust. You see, I was feeling so negative and sad and deserted by God, I needed to bathe myself in His words of love for me. And I needed to follow my husband’s lead and wisdom in my dark place.

So how am I processing this?

So how am I processing this?

I'm battling! I’m battling the lies that I've been believing with the TRUTH of God's amazing love for me that is found richly through His Word. I'm also reaching out, being honest with myself, and sharing how hard all of this has been. I'm asking for prayer from sweet friends, and I'm leaning on the strength and wisdom of my husband as he follows Christ.  

I know of God's faithfulness. I have seen it again and again all through my life. But in dark times, it's very easy to believe that God has left us and doesn't care. That's simply not the TRUTH. We, as followers of Christ, are called to believe. So today, I’m buckling up my belt of truth and resting in the promises that God is in control, even in this new season of our lives.

​- amy

Hi we're Jay & Amy, and we've been married for 19 years and are super blessed to be busy raising our 5 kids; 4 boys and 1 girl! We juggle the adventures of life and ministry and share what we are learning as it relates to marriage, family, raising kids, serving in the church, and chasing after Jesus. Raising a family is hard work, especially in today's culture. But our hope is to encourage you and your family, as we live for the glory of God.

It was a very snowy weekend for most of us here on the east coast! While we didn't get the amounts that some of our friends get, we still had some good fun this weekend!

Our snow totals came in at about 6" around our house. That's a good number; plenty of snow to play in, without having to worry about shoveling a ton. And after living in Somerset (which saw over 2 feet of snow), not having to shovel a whole lot is a blessing.

We headed out to the yard once the snow stopped falling, for a little  sled behind the house. Son #2 was at a friends house, son #3 was at another friends house, and son #1 doesn't like the snow, so that left Amy and I with #4 & 5. We grabbed the camera, got some video, took some pictures, and just had fun together!

I have to say, it was a bit weird having just the two youngest Higham's with us. It was a bitter-sweet reminder that our kids are growing up, FAST. It's won't be long before our older teens are heading off to college leaving us with a few empty beds and place settings. So to take advantage of moments like this weekend only add to the precious memories we're trying to make with our kids.

Since it's been a couple of weeks since we've been able to share a vlog, we also grabbed the video camera and got some fun footage for our weekend vlog! So please take a few minutes and check out this weekends vlog, Life in the Higham House!

As always, thanks so much for stopping by the blog and watching our vlogs! We know that many of you look forward to seeing what's happening in the Higham house! And we want you to know that we really appreciate your support and viewership!

We'll you next time!

- the higham family

Hi we're Jay & Amy, and we've been married for 19 years and are super blessed to be busy raising our 5 kids; 4 boys and 1 girl! We juggle the adventures of life and ministry and share what we are learning as it relates to marriage, family, raising kids, serving in the church, and chasing after Jesus. Raising a family is hard work, especially in today's culture. But our hope is to encourage you and your family, as we live for the glory of God.

DEALING WITH GRIEF AND LOSS
THE FAMILY VLOG EPISODE 006
- Tuesday, January 18, 2016 - 
The easiest thing for us to do, is to simply move on and get back to life as though nothing ever happened. Well, that's not as easy as it sounds. On today's vlog Amy and Jay
talk about grief and loss as they continue to work through their Christmas miscarriage.

Thanks for watching!

Please share your comment, leave your questions, or suggest a topic!

​- the higham family

Hi we're Jay & Amy, and we've been married for 19 years and are super blessed to be busy raising our 5 kids; 4 boys and 1 girl! We juggle the adventures of life and ministry and share what we are learning as it relates to marriage, family, raising kids, serving in the church, and chasing after Jesus. Raising a family is hard work, especially in today's culture. But our hope is to encourage you and your family, as we live for the glory of God.

​Thanks for taking a few minutes to watch today's Family Vlog! Today we answer the question of how we met and share a little bit about what we did to change our Christmas Gift Giving habits.

Please take a few minute to watch this week's Family Vlog!
​Thanks!!

What is the Family Vlog?
We want to have a conversation about real life family stuff. Not reality TV. Not watching a family run around their house and go crazy. But an opportunity to talk about real life and real family issues.

Jay and Amy Higham have been married for almost 20 years and are raising 5 kids. Jay is a 24 year youth ministry veteran serving students and their families. Currently, Jay is the youth director at a church in Western PA. Amy is an amazing wife and mom with a huge heart for mothers. Amy has served as a Co-Coordinator and founding steering team member of a local M.O.P.S. group for years.  She is currently focusing on raising her kids, writing for TheHighamFamily.com, and speaks and mentors new and young moms!

Hi we're Jay & Amy, and we've been married for 19 years and are super blessed to be busy raising our 5 kids; 4 boys and 1 girl! We juggle the adventures of life and ministry and share what we are learning as it relates to marriage, family, raising kids, serving in the church, and chasing after Jesus. Raising a family is hard work, especially in today's culture. But our hope is to encourage you and your family, as we live for the glory of God.