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During our first year, we were so eager to learn all we could about each other and our marriage. And to be honest, that learning hasn't stopped. Through moving 8 times, switching jobs, and fluctuating incomes and having 5 children and all the highs and lows God has led us through, I thought I'd share with you 2 things I've learned on my 20 year journey of marriage to my sweet husband.
Ready... Respecting him. And Satisfying him.
I remember very early in our marriage we attended a seminar by Gary Smalley entitled, Making Love Last Forever. (Also a book by the same name, Making Love last Forever, By Gary Smalley.) The main thing I learned in that seminar was the importance of communication, specifically in the way I talk to my husband. You see, there are 2 ways we talk to our husband, with or without respect.
For instance, just this Saturday, I was out running some errands and I tried to call Jay on his cell, but he didn't answer. And that often happens when he is at home. I was a little annoyed that he didn't answer. So when I pulled up to the house, I knew I had a choice to make. I could have been like...
The truth is, Jay often sets his phone aside because he tries to give us his attention when he's at home.
But because of that seminar, I learned how important it is to speak respectfully to my husband. I have often been very convicted and aware of how I have made comments here and there that would make him feel disrespected, Ouch! That's not what I want, but honestly this is something we as women will struggle with more and more in this crazy culture we live in. Everywhere we turn we see images of men; boys, husbands, dads, even grandfathers, being disrespected by women.
Turn on just about any TV show and watch the way the dad or male figure is being treated. He's usually the character who doesn't do anything right and needs the woman to set him straight and in those shows, she usually does by her words or her actions. It's being ingrained in us to think of men as idiots. We need to consciously fight against that as women and as wives.
I have often been very convicted and aware of how I have made comments here and there that would make him feel disrespected, Ouch!
This concept is so important that Ephesians 5:33 says...
"Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
In these verses, Paul is talking to the church in Ephesus, giving instruction to Christian Households. This verse comes at the end of a section where he is telling husbands how to sacrificially love their wives. This shows how well God knows what women need, He did make us after all! We need to know that we are loved by our men.
But what do our husbands need? They need our respect.
I asked Jay, how important it was to be respected, he said, "You know how important it is for you to know you are loved? That's how it is with respect for me." I don't know about you but I do know that I like to know that my man is crazy in love with me!
So I asked him what were some things that I do or say that make him feel disrespected and he said, it's mostly in the little comments that chip away at him and the body language I might show.
Remember my example from earlier about the cell phone? It's about choices.
You know how important it is for you to know you are loved? That's how it is with respect for me.
So what does that look like to respect our husbands?
Here's what I think...
On a busy morning, your man helps you get the kids ready to get out the door and you look at the outfit he picked out for your little girl to wear and you cannot believe that was his choice. Instead of saying something sassy about his outfit choice, you gracefully thank him for his help. And maybe next time you set out her clothes ahead of time.
Or, maybe you get into an argument right before your heading out the door for a girls night out. Respecting him would mean you leave your disagreement at home and work it out later instead of telling your girlfriends all of his flaws and getting their opinions on how right you are and how wrong he is. This one is huge!!
As much as we need to know we're loved, our men need to know that we respect them. And when we know that we are loved, it's much easier to respect our husbands, right?
But what about when we don't feel completely loved. Now don't think that because your husband isn't good at loving you well, that your off the hook with respecting him. It's a circle effect. It may take us as wives, respecting our husbands, to get ball rolling towards them learning how to love us.
I would encourage you to have an honest conversation with your husband about how he feels regarding the way you respect him. Be willing to really listen to him, You may be surprised in what he says and it may be one of the most important conversations you have. Be willing to change some of the ways you respond or speak to him.
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Amy is an amazing mother of 5, 4 boys and 1 girl. Her passions lie in caring for her family, mentoring young moms, and speaking into the lives of women. She and Jay have been married for 19 years, and have been so blessed to be able to share in ministry to families together. Be sure to follow Amy on her social media channels. [ Click Here ] To inquire about the possibility of Amy speaking to your women or mom's group, contact her through the blogs contact form. And thanks for all your support.
Thanks for taking the time to read The Higham Family Blog. Each week we try to share new content about something we are learning, something we love, or something to offer encouragement to the family. We love to hear from our readers, so please share your thought in the comment section of each post.