Let's get real. Life can be challenging. We have had our fair share of "challenges". But through all the challenges, we can honestly say, our marriage has always be a solid foundation for us to stand on. Never have we ever questioned or doubted the commitment we have for each other. For the first 20 years of our marriage, we enjoyed every aspect of our union. But life changes. The kids grow up. Jobs change. Schedules conflict. And we get old, or at least older. Then it sets in; the marriage killer. The status quo.
We have always allowed for time in our marriage to care for and work on our relationship. Date nights, weekend get-a-ways, marriage conferences, seminars, books, and other couples to mentor and speak into our lives have been a big part of our success. After two years of marriage we moved away from our families to enter into full-time ministry. It was the beginning of an exciting adventure. These early years away from our families forced us to lean into each other and make our way as husband and wife. We were a four hour drive from either in-laws, close enough to visit, but far enough that we had to really rely on each other.
As our family grew, so did our commitment to strengthen our marriage. We were blessed to serve in churches that supported our family. That support manifested in babysitters for date nights and care-givers while we went away to attend conference and training events. Keeping our marriage strong and healthy was, dare I say it, easy. But that was then.
And, this is now. Five kids. Two working parents. Two in college. One in high school. One in middle school. One in elementary school. Sports. Dance. Part-time jobs. Friends. Girl-friends. Church commitments. Family commitments. It all adds up quickly, and unfortunately, the amount hours exceed the daily limits.
These last couple of years have proven to be more challenging for our relationship. In many ways, we have allowed the busyness of life to infiltrate our marriage. And, that busyness has started to drive a wedge between us.
We talked recently, addressing some of the struggles we are having to face. We realized that we have neglected to make our marriage a priority. It wasn't something we planned, it kinda' just happened. Instead of date nights, we're playing taxi service. Instead of weekend conferences, it's weekend sports. Instead of small group with friends, it's booster and church meetings. We're living on two separate schedules. Amy goes to work early in the morning. That means she's off to bed early. Jay goes to work a little later after the kids go to school, so he's usually up later. Amy's job is more physical as she's on her feet most days. When she's not at work, she's at home watching children, managing the house, and caring for our kiddo's. By the end of her day, she's exhausted. Jay's work day is divided between office, after-school events, church meetings, networking, and youth gatherings. That leaves Jay with a schedule that keeps him up later. It feels like we're the proverbial "ships pasting in the night."
As we talked, we recognized that a few things needed to change. The first thing to change was that we needed to again prioritize our marriage. We have been working so hard at so many other things, we forgot that we have to work hard at our marriage. We let our marriage take the backseat as our focus drifted towards everything around us. We replaced the simple loving moments and romantic gestures with household chores and completed items on the To Do List. Late evening trips to the grocery store for milk and bread became like date nights as we stole 15 or 20 minutes as "together time."
But To Do Lists and grocery runs, as important and necessary as they may be, don't strengthen your marriage. And the more you push the issue under the carpet, the more you find that your losing your best friend. So, something has to change, and change it will.
One of things that we cling to as a married couple is the promise that we would always fight for our marriage. We are still deeply in love with one another. That love, and the desire to live in that love drives us to make our marriage a priority once again. We've never been ones to run away from hard work. Instead, we get down and dirty, sweating it out until we have accomplished our stated goal. And that is what we want to do, get down and dirty as we fight for our marriage.
A few of these areas have come super easy, but now require a little more effort or attention, while others are items that we need a little reminding.
We've decided that we need to work on a number important areas in our marriage. In the past, some of these areas have come super easy, but now require a little more effort or attention while others are items that we need a little reminding. What are these areas needing our attention? Words of Affection. Reestablishing the Date Night. Sexual Intimacy. A Renewed Commitment to be in God's Word. A Promise to Pray With and For Each Other. And the Quest for Fun.
Marriage isn't easy. It takes work, patience, love, forgiveness, and grace. It requires that both parties show up, do their parts, and fight for what's most important. It takes a commitment to communicate; too listen as much as you talk. To wake up each day and say, I am going to love my spouse better today, than I did yesterday, and together, we're going to win
We want to invite you to join us as we share a little bit of our lives with you. Maybe you find yourself in a similar place. You love your spouse and you know that your spouse loves you, but it feels like you're just going through motions, doing the whole family/marriage thing, but you feel like something's missing. Or maybe, your in a dry season and just need a little reminder to help you wet that romantic side that you thought you had to put away when the kids arrived.
Or maybe, your marriage is cruising along with all cylinders firing the way they should, but deep down your thinking, How can we keep this going? Over the next couple of weeks, we will be sharing some of the things that we are doing to make our marriage a priority again. As we work through each topic mentioned above, along with a few other topics that we haven't mentioned we are planning to share what we are learn here on the blog AND as part of our vlog series, Parent Talk. Our hope is that our journey might in some way, encourage and inspire you to make your marriage a priority for you and your spouse.
Welcome, now let's get started.
- the higham family
That's the question, Is it broken, or not?
We shared yesterday about our adventures with Asher as we had to visit our local urgent care facility to find out if he broke his wrist or just seriously injured it after a fall at youth group. Well, we've been to the orthopedic specialist and we might have an answer.
Is it broken? Well, it might be, but we won't know for two weeks. Yes, we have to wait two weeks. Since we had to wait a couple of days to see the orthopedic specialist, most of the swelling and a lot of the pain has gone down. This is good, because when Asher was first seen, the pain and discomfort was a little more widespread. That left the doctor to assume a fracture, but he was unable to pinpoint a specific break or bone. Even with the x-rays, it was hard to see if there was a real fracture.
So the plan, according to the orthopedic specialist, is to cast the wrist and wait for two weeks. After two weeks, we will revisit the specialist, re-X-ray the wrist, and look at the wrist to see if the suspected bone is fractured or not. The bone in question, the Scaphoid bone in the wrist. It's a pretty important bone. In fact, this little bone is what holds the wrist bones together.
The visit is over. The cast is on. Now we wait. Two weeks with a cast as we wait for our follow up visit.
Now, if it is not broken, the cast comes off and Asher is free to return to normal activities.
If it is broken, Asher might be looking at six to eight weeks with a cast.
Take a few minutes and watch the vlog.
As soon as we have a our follow up, we'll let you know the results.
Until then, thanks for watching. And thanks for reading the blog.
- the higham family -
It's a Two'fer Tuesday! Yes, we have picked up the vlogging camera again and we are slowly getting back to a possible vlogging schedule. Al the kids are back in school, and we are settling into the new routines of life with 2 in college, 1 in high school, 1 in junior high, and one in elementary school. But along with our new school routines, we are beginning the routines of youth group, dance, and sports, and that means, it's time to vlog again! Check out this two-in-one vlog...
Breya Goes to Ballet Class
After years of sitting in bleachers and stands, bag chairs and blankets, Breya is finally getting a chance to try something new. For the last 9 years, Breya has tag-along to almost every baseball, Football, basketball, soccer, and school activity that the four boys of participated in. Add it all up and it's a considerable amount of time. And while it might not be her favorite past-time, she has loved being able to support and cheer on her brothers.
But for the last couple of years, we've wanted to get Breya doing something that Breya wanted to do. About two years ago, she tried soccer, but quickly discovered, soccer wasn't for her. We invited her to consider other sports such as basketball or volleyball, but after some practice, she decided basketball wasn't her thing, although volleyball might be.
Now with #1 and #2 in college, Breya has seized her opportunity to do something that suits her. That something is dance, specifically ballet.
Breya is so excited to have her own thing. And, we excited for her. So went and bought her a pair of ballet slipper. On the vlog you can see her excitement and joy for her class. Will she be a ballerina? We don't know, and frankly we don't care. We're just happy that she is happy, and we look forward to watching her learn, grow and do her thing.
Asher Visits Med Express
To keep the week exciting, Asher decided to liven things up with a visit to our local Med Express. On Wednesday evening last week, Asher found a slick spot on the church's gym floor and took a pretty hard fall. He attempted to brace himself with his left hand as he fell. But one fall wasn't enough. Before the night was over, he fell a second time, again bracing himself with his left hand.
Mind you, Asher really wasn't doing anything out of the norm; simply running in one instance (something you do in a gym) and walking the next. He wasn't the only one to have a hard fall that night. When we got home, he mentioned that his wrist was hurting, and since it was late, and Jay is never one to panic and assume the worst. We decided to ice it, prescribe two ibuprofen, and reevaluate it in the morning.
The next day, Asher came to Jay still complaining of pain. He applied his skills (former EMT) and assessed that there was definitely a problem. So we determined to make a trip to our local Med Express, to confirm what we were beginning to think. I know, you're thinking, why not just go to urgent care right away? Yes, in an emergency, we would definitely seek medical assistance right a way. Like we just said, Jay was an EMT for a number of years, as well as serving as a first responder and volunteer fire fighter. He know an urgent situation when he sees one. But raising four boys who play sports, enjoy the outdoors, and get bumps and bruises frequently, we've learned to apply a wait and see practice for injuries. Don't worry, we treat and observe all injuries. But if we panicked over every fall, we'd have seasons where we'd never leave an ER or doctors office. And yes, there have been a number of time where we've made the ER visit to find there was nothing wrong, and visits where we have found significant injuries.
But this time, we suspected a real injury to Asher's wrist. Jay found Asher's wrist tender, even painful to touch. Jay did a grip test and noticed that the left grip was significantly less than the right grip. So off we went.
We made with the doctor who suspected what we did, a possible fracture in the wrist. Asher smiled pretty for the X-rays, which revealed little at first. But the doctor said that was somewhat normal. The break he was thinking about was often hard to see on x-rays. We knew this meant that we would be seeing an orthopedic specialist, having already been down this road with other kids. And sure enough, the doctor referred us to see to an orthopedic specialist. Fortunately, and unfortunately, we're familiar with a really good orthopedic doctor.
The question is, is it broken or not?
Our appointment with the orthopedic surgeon had to wait to after the weekend. And so the answer will have to wait as well. But, we will certainly share an update after the visit. In the meantime, take a few minutes to watch the vlog!
Watch the Vlog...
As always, thanks so much for joining us on our family adventures. And, thanks for watching the vlog!
We'll see you next time here at Life in the Higham House.
- the higham family
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We are so excited to announce the re-launch of our original t-shirt line called, In A Word!
And, we are thrilled to share our new tees with you!
A little while back, Jay came up with an idea for a t-shirt design. 8 words that make a powerful statement of faith. The premise is simple, one word that points you back to the message of the gospel. Wear the shirt, share your faith.
The first couple of words came quickly. DISCIPLE. SAVED. LOVED. These were words that Jay was using whenever he was with students or talks with someone about faith. Each word came with a scripture verse that reinforced that message. For example: LOVED. comes out of 1 John 3:1, which reads, "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (NIV)
Then there's SAVED. from Romans 10:10, which reads, "For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved." (NIV) And DISCIPLE. Matthew 28:19, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (NIV)
[ CLICK ON A TEE TO ORDER ]
With the first three shirts done, the time came to finish the collection by coming with 5 more words that push the reader to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Those words are; FORGIVEN. ADOPTED. GIFTED. FREE. and NEW. Each word points you directly back to scripture that proclaims the love and mercy of Jesus.
Jay's been sitting on these designs for a quite a while as he tried to figure out how to make the shirts and offer them to potential buyers, while keeping costs and overhead low. This past year we partnered with a company that provided the perfect answer to our production questions. And now, we can promote and you can buy, our very first live of t-shirts called, In A Word.
Our hope is that you, and others like you, will order and wear these t-shirts as a way of sharing your faith.
[ CLICK ON A TEE TO ORDER ]
Each In A Word Tee word comes in a variety of t-shirt colors, and is available in both regular cut and ladies cut tees. Our regular cut tees are printed on Gildan 2000. The Gildan 2000 is a great go-to t-shirt. It has a classic fit (not form-fitting) and it's pre-shrunk, so it'll maintain its shape after being washed. The fabric is thicker than most other shirts we offer, as it's made of a heavier 100% cotton.
Our ladies cut t-shirts are printed on Bella+Canvas 3001. The Bella+Canvas 3001 t-shirt feels soft and light, with just the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and the unisex cut is flattering for women. We can't compliment this shirt enough – it's one of our crowd favorites. And it's sure to be your next favorite too!
Our In A Word. Ladies Tees
Thanks for taking the time to read The Higham Family Blog. Each week we try to share new content about something we are learning, something we love, or something to offer encouragement to the family. We love to hear from our readers, so please share your thought in the comment section of each post.