Words of Affection

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How often do you tell your spouse you love them? Weekly? Daily? ​Do you think you say it enough? 

Early in our marriage, we read the book, The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts, by Gary Chapman. The book was helpful as we discovered something very important about who we were and what we longed for. In the book, Gary introduces 5 ways that we might express or desire love. 

The premise is simple. As individuals, we each have a love language. That love language flows in two directions. First, it's how we might show love. For example, if you like to give gifts, then your love language, or one of the ways that you show love, might be by giving gifts to family and friends. If this is the case, you might also like receiving gifts, holding them as treasures and blessing.

As we read the book, we quickly identified our love languages. Throughout our marriage, knowing these love languages has proved helpful in knowing how to best speak love to each other.

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Knowing these love languages has proved helpful in knowing how to best speak love to each other.

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But, like so many things in marriage, we too often forget the importance of speaking our love languages. This has never been more true than recently. It's three little, simple words, and yet they carry significant weight and importance. I. LOVE. YOU.

When you are married to someone with words of affirmation as one of their love languages, saying I Love You, is crazy important. And, wonderfully powerful. The trouble comes when you yourself are not one who is good at speaking words of affirmation.

I [Jay] love Amy, like crazy. And, she knows that I love her. Yet, she needs to hear me say those words to her. But since my love language isn't words of affirmation, I don't always think to say those words. I need to be reminded, often, to tell Amy that I love her. And when I do...well, it's pretty great.

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As we make our marriage a priority, reminding each other to speak our love languages is something that we have to continually work on. It's going to take a committed effort on both our parts, to speak the words of affection that we enjoy hearing. To help us do this, we do our best to practice the following.

​1. AM & PM

Start and end each day by saying, I love you, to each other. It should be pretty easy to say, I love you, when you wake up and before you fall asleep. Wake up, roll over, say, I love you. As you climb into bed at night, lean over and say, I love you. ​

​2. Text it All Day Long

If you haven't discovered the benefits of texting, you really need to. In the midst of a busy day, the ability to send a quick text message is crazy helpful. At any point during the day, you can pick up your phone, type out a quick message, and send a short, I love you, to you spouse. It always feels good when they respond with their own, I Love You!

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From the Vlog

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3. Leave a Love Note

It might sound a little strange, but sometimes writing, I Love You, is just as easy as saying, I Love You. Like I said, strange. But sometimes it's easier to write a short letter that reminds you spouse how you feel about them. Think about it, before texting, before IM, before email, before any other modern day messaging service, there was the love letter. Simple, yet the perfect way to express your feelings. When was the last time you wrote a love letter to your spouse? Why not take a few minutes and write one today.

4. Keep a Love Journal

I think we've mentioned the Love Journal before. A Love Journal is just that, a journal where you share your love, thoughts, feelings, and creative ideas for spending time together. We keep a love journal that we take turns writing in. It's a great way to keep things spontaneous and fun.

5. Find a Fun Place to Leave a Love Note

This one is not a new idea. In fact, we heard about it a number of years ago, and actually know some couples to do this. They leave little "I love you" notes all around their house in fun spots for their spouse to find. Some couples we've known use code words or a series of letters that communicate their special message. It's a fun, creative way to remind your spouse that you love them. ​

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I love you. Simple words. Without them, a distance grows. With them, an intimacy that demonstrates your priorities. Love your spouse. Tell your spouse you love them. Make your marriage a priority.

​- jay & amy

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