Trusting God in this New Season of Life

A couple of days ago, Jay and I filmed a vlog about how we are processing the loss of the baby. (You can watch the vlog here; Dealing with Grief and Loss.) It has been an emotional roller coaster and I know that I’m not processing it well. There are moments when I feel like I am good, then I have moments when I feel sad and frustrated. I want to be that faithful follower of Jesus who completely trusts in His Sovereign plan. And while I do trust, it doesn't relieve the pain, frustration, anger, and loss. For me this isn't just about losing the baby, it's also about closing the door to a time in my life that I truly cherished.

I loved being home with my kids while they were babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers. And while I’d still love to have them home, I know that going to school each day is part of growing up. It’s this season in their lives where they begin to grow independent of me and learn to navigate life on their own. 

But for Jay and I, we find ourselves entering a new season.

My dream is, and always has been, to stay home and care for my husband, children and the needs of our home. I believe it is my calling. And while I firmly believe that that hasn't changed, I do find myself at a crossroads of uncertainty. What am I supposed to do now?

Am I to join the likes of moms who have entered the workplace and help my husband provide for our family? Am I to be creative and find some way to help provide while I'm still at home? Or am I simply to wait for God's timing to reveal what’s next?

See that's the hard part for me. Waiting.

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Am I simply to wait for God's timing to reveal what’s next?
See that's the hard part for me. Waiting.

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I was visiting with a dear friend the other day and she said to me, "Amy, you're a 'get it done' type of person". While she may not have realized it, that simple statement opened my heart and has helped me to heal a little more.

I am not generally a "wait around patiently" person. I like to be busy and working; hence the 5 children! But my eyes are opened now to a reality of my personality that I believe has made this season all the more difficult for me.

My sweet husband has been telling me to rest and heal, and wait for God to reveal the next step. He's so wise and I can be a little stubborn.

Yep, I admit it! I think, "How can he possibly understand what I'm going through?" His body hasn't changed with all of these pregnancies. He doesn't have to deal with hormones all over the place. Sure, he’s changed jobs a few times, but his daily routine hasn't changed all that much. What does he really know

But he is wise in the Lord. He knows God is faithful. He has faith that truly can move mountains.  

Last week as I was pouring out to him my frustrations of feeling like we were being punished, he asked me what I was reading in God’s word. I told him, “Well, I'm going through Job with my daily reading".  He said, “Amy, you need to stop that for now and read something like 1 John and be reminded of how much God loves you.” 

Really?

I thought it was ok to read any part of God's Word, as it’s always applicable. While I truly believe that, I also believe that we need to be aware of the state of our heart and adjust. You see, I was feeling so negative and sad and deserted by God, I needed to bathe myself in His words of love for me. And I needed to follow my husband’s lead and wisdom in my dark place.

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So how am I processing this?

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So how am I processing this?

I'm battling! I’m battling the lies that I've been believing with the TRUTH of God's amazing love for me that is found richly through His Word. I'm also reaching out, being honest with myself, and sharing how hard all of this has been. I'm asking for prayer from sweet friends, and I'm leaning on the strength and wisdom of my husband as he follows Christ.  

I know of God's faithfulness. I have seen it again and again all through my life. But in dark times, it's very easy to believe that God has left us and doesn't care. That's simply not the TRUTH. We, as followers of Christ, are called to believe. So today, I’m buckling up my belt of truth and resting in the promises that God is in control, even in this new season of our lives.

​- amy

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Hi we're Jay & Amy, and we've been married for 19 years and are super blessed to be busy raising our 5 kids; 4 boys and 1 girl! We juggle the adventures of life and ministry and share what we are learning as it relates to marriage, family, raising kids, serving in the church, and chasing after Jesus. Raising a family is hard work, especially in today's culture. But our hope is to encourage you and your family, as we live for the glory of God.

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