Remembering Dad

Yesterday, July 4th, 2024, marked the two year anniversary of our Dad's passing. We gathered on July 18th, 2022, to remember and say goodbye. I (jay) had the opportunity to speak at the service. I've been sitting on this post for two years. I had initially planned to share it on the one year anniversary, but I think we were getting ready for a week of summer camp or something.

As I sat, early on Thursday morning, I started thinking about my dad and what I've been missing since his passing. Then I remembered what I shared at the memorial. I found the file and read through it. For the last two years we've paused to remember his passing. We post what we miss. We post silly thoughts about what he might be doing. And we feel the pain and grieve the loss all over again.

Now, there's nothing wrong with that, but with all that we think we're missing because of his absence, there is something truly worth celebrating. Dad lived with hope. He knew the One who gave hope. No, he's not playing football. He's not looking down on us, watching us. He's not waiting for us to join him. He is in the presence of his Savior; worshiping his Creator and Redeemer.

Today, I'm sharing what was shared on Monday, July 18th, 2022. I share to remember and incredible man who lived out his faith in how he served, who loved his family deeply, and always pointed his kids to the One who gives us hope.

---

Celebration of Life for Dad
 - Monday, July 18, 2022

Good afternoon. On behalf of mom, Andrew, Rebecca, Joshua, and the entire Higham family, I want to thank you for joining with us as we say goodbye to dad. We greatly appreciate your support, prayers, and presence with us today.

In fact, we would love for you to join us after the cemetery, as we gather at The Grey Stone restaurant in Newtown. For a time of visiting, storytelling, and fellowship.

Over the last couple of days, we’ve had some time to process dad’s leaving. It’s a little weird really. It’s been 2 weeks. I think when most lose a loved one, it’s just a matter of a couple of days, you’re gathering with family and friends to say goodbye.  With two weeks, you have some time to stop and think. As we talked about this day, I don’t think any of us really wanted to get up here and do this.

But as I thought about what to say, I started to wonder, what would be the best way to celebrate and remember dad.

---

We could go the way of the historical timeline and highlight things like, mom and dad have know each since they were 7. They grew up together, attended church together, and hung out with the same group of friends.

We could say that they were married for 49 years, raised four kids, and endured the “for richer or poorer, and the in sickness and in health.”

We could highlight the fact that dad was a Navy man, a Webelo leader, and liked country music.

That’s a good way to go, but there would be too many facts to account for.

Then I thought, let’s go the funny route, and share a few laughable moments like the secret of the jelly donut. Growing up, we had a Dunkin move into the neighborhood. Of course back then they were called Dunkin Donuts. On the weekends mom or dad would send us to get donuts. Now, you wanted to be the one to get the donuts, because you were then able to pick your favorite kind of donuts. The order usually included Boston Cremes, Chocolate Frosted, Sprinkled, Glazed, a couple crullers, and at least 2 jelly-filled donuts. Why 2 jelly-filled donuts? Because the jelly-filled were dad’s favorite, right? Well, so we thought.

It wasn’t till a couple of years ago, while sitting around the table did we learn that no, jelly-filled donuts were not dad’s favorite. No, dad ate the jelly donuts because they were the donuts that were left after we ate the good ones. 

​Funny stories, there are quite a few, but there’s no way we could remember and share all of them.

---

We could talk about hero dad. Yes, our dad was a hero. How about the time we were on a bus with a bunch of scouts heading to an amusement park, when the brakes went out on the bus. The driver didn’t have enough power to apply brakes manually. So Dad, having his bus license recognized the problem and immediately jumped into action. He hurdled the seats like Superman, grabbing the wheel of the bus and slamming his foot down on the brake pedal, bringing the bus to a safe and secure stop, saving us, and all the kids and families on the bus. Yes, dad was a hero.

---

Then there were the adventures. Summers spent at Four Brooks Camp and Conference, trips to the beach, various amusement parks, the big family trip to Williamsburg VA, and Oak Creek Campground.

Yes, camping, a sweet season for our family.

​It started when mom and dad bought a matching Chevy station wagon and Coleman pop-up from Bishop Richies.

Oh, the possibilities that each weekend offered. We started at a place called, Schlegles Grove, with our Aunt Judy and her family. But it was Oak Creek Campground, in Bowmansville, PA that became our home away from home. Mom would spend the day getting ready; the shopping, the cleaning, the packing. Dad would come home from work, pull the car up to the front of the house, come inside, get a drink, head to his room, and get changed. We would load up the car, get in our seats, and by the time dad came down the stairs, we were ready to go. Goodbye city, hello Lancaster Co. We spent years going to Oak Creek, and yeah, there were some great adventures along the way.

---

But as I thought about all of these great memories, there was one thing that kept coming back to me, and that was dad’s faith. Now if you knew dad, you knew he was a gruff kind’a guy. He often spoke his mind and didn’t really think about what he was saying or who he was saying to. And many times over, he offended people. I don’t know if that was something his father passed down to him, or if it was just the way dad was. But despite all of that, dad loved Jesus.

Now, Dad wasn’t one to talk a lot about his faith out loud. It was a faith better shown in how he served at church. Dad was super involved in the life of the church, both locally and across the denomination. He showed up, every week. If it was Sunday, we were at the church. If we were out of town and it was Sunday, we still went to church. Church was an important part of our lives.
​
But it wasn’t until dad made a particular statement, that I saw how important his faith was to him. I don’t remember to context, the how or the why it came up. But I remember dad saying something like this to us,

“You have one Father, and he is in heaven. I am just your dad, but God is your Father.”

You see, dad knew his place, and he knew who to point us to.

Dad pointed us to the one who gives us hope.

The Apostle Paul, writes a reminder of why this hope is so important. In 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 we read these words.

The Coming of the Lord

​13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. 15 For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.
​
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NIV

You see, there are those who when facing the reality of death, see it with no hope. There is loss. There is pain. There is emptiness. And so the grief is great, because they have no hope.

What is this hope? Well, it’s not a hope like, “Man, I really hope the Eagles get to another Super Bowl.” I mean, come on, we all hope that happens, but…

No, this hope is wrapped up in what has already happened. For those who have hope, our hope is in who Jesus is and what he accomplished. Jesus bore the shame and guilt of our sin, and died on a cross for us. Then they took his body, laid it in a tomb, and three days later, God raised him from the grave.

Jesus took our sin. He took our place. He died. But he lives again. And because he lives, we now know that death is not the end, but the beginning of eternity with Jesus.

This is our hope. Dad knew this hope. And he wanted to make sure we knew that hope as well.

And while he might not have said it, I think he would want you to know that hope too. Dad was never one who liked it when others fussed over him. But I think he would love it if one day, we all showed up, together in heaven, with jelly-filled donuts, and celebrated the fact that like him, we were able to put our hope in Jesus.

I don’t presume to know you or where you are or what you think as you consider where you will be when you die. But the Bible tells us that there is life after death. Jesus made it possible for us to know him and to know that we can be with him always. Today, if you would like to know the hope that we share in knowing, it would be an honor to sit with you and introduce you to Jesus. Just come and talk with me, my wife Amy, or pastor David.

Dad, thanks for everything. We’ll see you soon.

---