Making Your Marriage a Priority

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Let's get real. Life can be challenging. We have had our fair share of "challenges". But through all the challenges, we can honestly say, our marriage has always be a solid foundation for us to stand on. Never have we ever questioned or doubted the commitment we have for each other. For 28 years we have enjoyed every aspect of our union. But life changes. The kids grow up. Jobs change. Schedules conflict. And we get old, or at least older. Then it sets in; the marriage killer. The status quo. 

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We have always allowed for time in our marriage to care for and work on our relationship. Date nights, weekend get-a-ways, marriage conferences, seminars, books, and other couples to mentor and speak into our lives, these have been a big part of our success. After two years of marriage we moved away from our families to enter full-time ministry. It was the beginning of an exciting adventure. Those early years away from our families forced us to lean into each other to make our way as husband and wife. We were a four hour drive from our in-laws, close enough to visit, but far enough that we had to really rely on each other.

As our family grew, so did our commitment to strengthen our marriage. We were blessed to serve in churches that supported our family. That support manifested in babysitters for date nights and care-givers while we went away to attend conference and training events. Keeping our marriage strong and healthy was our goal. But life was busy. At one point we were really stretched. Two working parents. Five kids. Two in college. One in high school. One in middle school. One in elementary school. Sports. Dance. Part-time jobs. Friends. Girl-friends. Church commitments. Family commitments. It all added up quickly, and unfortunately, the amount hours exceed the daily limits.. But that was then.

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​And, this is now. There are still two working parents and five kids, but life looks a little different. Three are in full-time employment. One is in college. One in high school. There are still church commitments, family commitments, school activities, part-time jobs, and house and yard chores. It still adds up quickly, but today's daily schedules are a little more manageable.

However, the last couple of years have proven to be more challenging for our relationship. From the cancer diagnosis to the loss of our fathers, to stepping out of ministry for a short time, our marriage has weathered some stormy seasons. In the midst of it all, we held tight to each other and to Jesus. 
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During one of those busy seasons of life, we got together to talk. Things were spinning out a little bit, so we wanted to address some of the struggles we were facing. We realized that we had neglected to make our marriage a priority. It wasn't something we planned, it kinda' just happened. Instead of date nights, we were playing taxi service. Instead of weekend conferences, it was weekend sports. Instead of small group with friends, it was booster and church meetings. We're living on two separate schedules. Amy goes to work early in the morning. That means she's off to bed early. Jay goes to work a little later after the kids go to school, so he's usually up later. Amy's job was more physical as she's on her feet most days. When she's wasn't at work, she's was at home watching children, managing the house, and caring for our kiddo's. By the end of her day, she was exhausted. Jay's work day was divided between office, after-school events, church meetings, networking, and youth gatherings. That left Jay with a schedule that kept him up later. It felt like we were proverbial "ships passing in the night."

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As we talked, we recognized that a few things needed to change. The first thing to change was that we needed to reprioritize our marriage. We had been working so hard at so many other things, we forgot that we had to work hard at our marriage. We let our marriage take the backseat as our focus drifted towards everything around us. We replaced the simple loving moments and romantic gestures with household chores and completed items on the To Do List. Late evening trips to the grocery store for milk and bread became like date nights as we stole 15 or 20 minutes as "together time."

But To Do Lists and grocery runs, as important and necessary as they may be, don't strengthen your marriage. And the more you push the issue under the carpet, the more you find that your losing your best friend. So, something had to change, and change it did.

One of the things we held to as a married couple was the promise we made to always fight for our marriage. We are still deeply in love with one another. That love, and the desire to live in that love continues to drive us to make our marriage a priority. We've never been ones to run away from hard work. Instead, we get down and dirty, sweating it out until we have accomplished our shared goals. And that is what we did, we got down and dirty as we fought for our marriage.

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The second thing we did was to work on a number important areas in our marriage. What were these areas needing our attention? Words of Affection. Reestablishing the Date Night. Sexual Intimacy. A Renewed Commitment to be in God's Word. A Promise to Pray With and For Each Other. And the Quest for Fun.

Marriage isn't easy. It takes work, patience, love, forgiveness, and grace. It requires that both parties show up, do their parts, and fight for what's most important. It takes a commitment to communicate; too listen as much as you talk. To wake up each day and say, I am going to love my spouse better today, than I did yesterday, and together, we're going to win
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Maybe you find yourself in a similar place. You love your spouse and you know that your spouse loves you. But it feels like you're just going through the motions, doing the whole family/marriage thing, but you feel like something's missing. Or maybe, your in a dry season and just need a little reminder to help you wet that romantic side that you thought you had to put away when the kids arrived.

Or maybe, your marriage is cruising along with all cylinders firing the way they should, but deep down your thinking, how can we keep this going? Our hope is that our journey might in some way, encourage and inspire you to make your marriage a priority for you and your spouse.

- jay and amy

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