doing Life with your adult children

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We have been blessed to have the privilege of raising up 5 kids. Our oldest was born in 1998. Our youngest, 2008. We have loved raising our kids. Every aspect, from holding them as babies, to watching them learn to walk and talk, to starting school, to graduating high school. Everything. Every bit of every minute of raising our kids. We love it.

But not too many years ago, our oldest crossed over into adulthood. Shortly after that, No.2. More recently No.4 turned 18. That's 4 of the 5, now adults. The oldest lives on his own, has a great job, and is doing well. No.2, is married, has a great job, has 2 kids, and he and his wife are doing great. No.3 also has a really good job, has an amazing puppy, and is building his life. No.4 is 18, just graduated from high school, is preparing for college, and is excited about the future. And just so we're not leaving anyone out, No.5 will soon turn 16, and is doing great in high school.

The point is, we have moved from a place of raising little kids to now doing life with our adult (or almost adult) kids! The difference? With little kids, you are the parent. You're the on in control. With adult kids, you are just the parent. Adult kids like to make their own decisions, choose for themselves, and live how they want to live. With little kids you are the smart one; you have all the answers. Your stories are interesting and funny. Your counsel and advice is needed. With adult kids, they're the smart ones. They have all the answers. Your stories are just that, stories. And your counsel and advice...it's unsolicited, unwanted, and often unwelcome.

So what do you do? You still want to to encourage and counsel, you still want what's best for them. But how do you parent when your adult kids no longer welcome your parenting?

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We recently read, Jim Burns' book, Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out. Published in March 2019, Jim tackles the question of how to navigate the waters of parenting and having adult children. 

​As parents, we recognize that our relationship with our adult kids is/has changed. But we still want to be a positive and encouraging voice in their lives. We want to see them making wise decisions. We want them to thriving in life. We want to see them fulfilling their purpose and living to glorify God with their lives.

Jim Burns, has been speaking and writing on strong marriages, confident parenting, empowered kids, and healthy leaders for decades. With over 60 titles, Jim steps into the arena to offer parents of adult kids some much needed wisdom and help. Upon hearing the stories and challenges from thousands of parents, along with his own parenting challenges, Jim began to recognize some commonalities and patterns. But when Jim went to find resources, there was little written. So Jim set out to offer parents the help  they needed with their adult kids.

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​As parents we might ask questions such as...

• My child's choices are breaking my heart--where did I go wrong?
• Is it OK to give advice to my grown child?
• What's the difference between enabling and helping?
• What boundaries should I have if my child moves back home?
• What do I do when my child doesn't seem to be maturing into adulthood?
• How do I relate to my grown child's significant other?
• What does it mean to have healthy financial boundaries?
• How can I support my grown children when I don't support their values?

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In his book, Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out, Jim shares nine principles for parents to consider as they do life with their adult kids. These principles aren't just ideas, they are proven practices, applied in the "lab-of- life" as Jim and his wife Cathy did life with their adult children. He shares what they've learned with the reader, with the hope of helping parents navigate the thorny complexities of parenting adult children.

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from the author

If you are anything like me, being the parent of an adult child is probably much more complicated than you ever imagined.We at HomeWord held seven focus groups with parents of adult children. Our goal was to listen to parents and hear their felt need. I heard many painful stories of adult children who were violating family values and faith, cohabitating, struggling with addictions, divorcing, experiencing gender confusion, suffering financial complications, or failing to launch. These parents were filled with confusion, shock, and other painful emotions.

I have spent the last several years researching this complex topic, listening to parents, and discussing these issues with parents and adult children alike. Cathy and I have lived out the principles in this book with our own family.
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My goal has been to write a book that is both hopeful and enlightening, practical and life changing. You’ll have to let me know what you think.
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~Jim Burns
* Taken from the Amazon selling page for Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out.

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Amy and I both have enjoyed Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out. We found each of the nine principles to be insightful and helpful. Each were unpacked in details with stories and examples that helped to illustrate the concept and theory. Then, Jim shares practical steps, tips, and advice to help you do life with your adult children.

We highly recommend, Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out, by Jim Burns. It is a must-have addition to your parenting resource library. 

You can grab a copy of Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out, by clicking on any of the highlight links or the book cover images on this page. We are able to book available through our Amazon Affiliate links. Life in the Higham House, is an Amazon Associate and we earn from qualifying purchases.

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additional resources from Jim Burns

Looking for a few more marriage and parenting resources? Check out these additional titles from Jim Burns. Click on the book cover to learn more and buy your copy.

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Visit the Book Shelf

Be sure to visit the BOOK SHELF, our grow library of resources for parenting, marriage, faith, and life. These are books that we have read, found to be incredibly helpful, and highly recommend. The library is always growing as we continue to learn as a individuals, as husband and wife, and as parents.

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