* THIS POST CONTAINS BOTH AFFILIATE AND PRODUCT LINKS,
​ALONG WITH LINKS TO THIRD PARTY WEBSITES MENTIONED IN THE POST.*

We were recently asked a question that has stayed with us: “What is the biggest risk factor to kids in this generation that is leaning or turning them away from God?”

It’s a big question—one that deserves more than a quick, simple response. The temptation is to immediately point to culture, technology, or “the world today,” but we think wisdom requires us to pause, reflect, and respond with both truth and humility.

As we've thought about this question, two foundational realities continue to come into focus.

This may be the most important—and most freeing—truth for parents and caregivers to acknowledge: we are not the authors of our children’s faith stories. God is.

Scripture reminds us that God is the One who draws hearts, transforms lives, and sustains faith. Our kids’ relationship with Him is ultimately His work, not ours to manufacture or control. That doesn’t mean our role is insignificant—far from it—but it does mean we are not sovereign over outcomes.

At baptism (or dedication), we make a sacred promise: to raise our children in the faith, to teach them God’s Word, to model a life of following Jesus, and to place them in environments where faith can grow. We are faithful stewards, not ultimate decision-makers.

Recognizing this truth guards us from two dangerous extremes: crushing ourselves with guilt when our kids struggle, or trying to control them out of fear. Trusting God with their story allows us to lead with faith instead of panic.

While we aren’t in control of our kids’ faith journey, we do play a meaningful role in shaping the environment they grow up in. And some of the greatest risk factors today are not subtle.

One major risk factor is unfiltered access to technology—cell phones, the internet, social media, and the lack of supervision that often comes with them.

Our kids are being formed every day by what they consume. Social media disciples them in values, identity, comparison, sexuality, success, and worth—often in ways that directly contradict the gospel. Without guidance, accountability, and boundaries, we are handing powerful tools to young hearts that are still learning discernment.

Technology itself isn’t the enemy, but unchecked and unshepherded access can slowly shape beliefs and behaviors long before we realize it. If we are intentional about sports schedules, school choices, and bedtime routines, we must be equally intentional about digital formation.

Another significant risk factor is allowing our feelings to direct our decisions instead of grounding our lives in the Word of God.

​We live in a culture that elevates emotion as ultimate truth: If it feels right, it must be right. When feelings become the primary authority, truth becomes flexible, and faith becomes fragile. Our kids notice when we say one thing about God but live another based on comfort, convenience, or cultural pressure.
​
When parents and leaders prioritize peacekeeping over truth, affirmation over discipleship, or personal comfort over obedience, kids learn that faith is optional when it becomes costly.

We model a faith that is authentic, anchored, and humble.

We admit when we don’t have all the answers, but we show our kids where we go to find truth. We set loving boundaries around technology, not out of fear, but out of wisdom. We allow God’s Word—not our emotions or the loudest cultural voices—to be the foundation on which we stand.

And above all, we trust God. We pray relentlessly. We stay present. We keep showing up.

The greatest risk factor may not be any single influence, but the quiet drift that happens when we stop being intentional. The greatest hope, however, remains unchanged: God is faithful, He is at work, and He loves our kids even more than we do.

jay & amy

* THIS POST CONTAINS BOTH AFFILIATE AND PRODUCT LINKS,
​ALONG WITH LINKS TO THIRD PARTY WEBSITES MENTIONED IN THE POST.*

It's Fall in West Virginia, which means crisp, cold days, falling leaves, and sweatshirts and sweaters. But we've been experiencing some beautifully warm days this past week and I am soaking it up.  In years past, I was blessed to be able to take morning runs with my sweet dog on one of the local trails in our community.  It was a season of life when all five kids in school all day. It was the perfect time to be in God's creation while getting in a little exercise. I would put my headphones in, find a good Bible-teaching podcast to listen to, leash up our dog, and away I went.

On one such outing, I started paying attention to my surroundings and the season we are in. Lots of leaves were on the trail leaving just a little color left on some of the trees. I started to think about the seasons and how each one has a beauty of its own. Then my mind wandered to how each season of our lives also has a beauty all its own. In some ways I couldn't wait for the season where all 5 were in school all day, and yet part of me dreaded it.  I loved having little ones at home with me all day. Yes, there were many challenges along the way, but for the most part I truly cherished it. At different points, Jay and I discussed and prayed about employment outside of the home, and there were seasons where I did work, both in and out of the house. But this particular season, we decided I had enough work to do to keep our home running. So we will continued to make the sacrifices and live on one income. 

I remember struggling with the reality that my kids weren't little anymore. It was also a time of transition, leaving a church where I had grown to love the people we served dearly, and quite frankly, the pain of having to say goodbye. But as I ran, looking at the rolling green hills and the fall colors still left on the trees, I felt God’s presence and peace fell upon me.

​I remember thinking, 'soon the trees will be bare and brown, and we will wait for snow to brighten up what’s become dingy and dead.' It was in this moment that I was reminded of the life that comes out of God’s love for His children. As God continues to shape me, I am more and more aware of His presence and peace during tough times. While it may look like things around me are dying, He is preparing to bring new life from within my circumstances.

The same is true as we go through season of change in our family. The kids get older. They grow up. And before you know it, they are all young adults, beginning to live their own lives. Every day that are little more independent. And while it's hard, we have to learn to let them go.

I remember God nudging my heart, telling me to enjoy the life that is around me and the new season He is bringing me into. I had to learn to watch as His hand created something new and exciting out of something that was seemingly lifeless and dull. Only a loving Creator can do that.

In Ecclesiastes 3:11, we read, “He makes all things beautiful in His time.” And it is in His time, not ours. Today, I am continuing to learn to be thankful that my Heavenly Father chooses to take the time to show me His love over and over again; a Father who gently reminds me through His Word and His creation.

Sometimes we have to go through seasons where we watch things come to end. But praise God, that He brings beauty and life even out of death.

​- amy

Today's post was edited and adapted from it's original post by Amy in November of 2015. We were in a season of transition and change, and leaning into God's faithfulness was incredibly helpful. We continue to experience seasons of change. Even now, with adult children, we are learning how to transition to a new era of parenting. Thank goodness, God doesn't change.

* THIS POST CONTAINS BOTH AFFILIATE AND PRODUCT LINKS,
​ALONG WITH LINKS TO THIRD PARTY WEBSITES AND VIDEOS MENTIONED IN THE POST.*

We have been blessed to have the privilege of raising up 5 kids. Our oldest was born in 1998. Our youngest, 2008. We have loved raising our kids. Every aspect, from holding them as babies, to watching them learn to walk and talk, to starting school, to graduating high school. Everything. Every bit of every minute of raising our kids. We love it.

But not too many years ago, our oldest crossed over into adulthood. Shortly after that, No.2. More recently No.4 turned 18. That's 4 of the 5, now adults. The oldest lives on his own, has a great job, and is doing well. No.2, is married, has a great job, has 2 kids, and he and his wife are doing great. No.3 also has a really good job, has an amazing puppy, and is building his life. No.4 is 18, just graduated from high school, is preparing for college, and is excited about the future. And just so we're not leaving anyone out, No.5 will soon turn 16, and is doing great in high school.

The point is, we have moved from a place of raising little kids to now doing life with our adult (or almost adult) kids! The difference? With little kids, you are the parent. You're the on in control. With adult kids, you are just the parent. Adult kids like to make their own decisions, choose for themselves, and live how they want to live. With little kids you are the smart one; you have all the answers. Your stories are interesting and funny. Your counsel and advice is needed. With adult kids, they're the smart ones. They have all the answers. Your stories are just that, stories. And your counsel and advice...it's unsolicited, unwanted, and often unwelcome.

So what do you do? You still want to to encourage and counsel, you still want what's best for them. But how do you parent when your adult kids no longer welcome your parenting?

​As parents we might ask questions such as...

• My child's choices are breaking my heart--where did I go wrong?
• Is it OK to give advice to my grown child?
• What's the difference between enabling and helping?
• What boundaries should I have if my child moves back home?
• What do I do when my child doesn't seem to be maturing into adulthood?
• How do I relate to my grown child's significant other?
• What does it mean to have healthy financial boundaries?
• How can I support my grown children when I don't support their values?

In his book, Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out, Jim shares nine principles for parents to consider as they do life with their adult kids. These principles aren't just ideas, they are proven practices, applied in the "lab-of- life" as Jim and his wife Cathy did life with their adult children. He shares what they've learned with the reader, with the hope of helping parents navigate the thorny complexities of parenting adult children.

I have spent the last several years researching this complex topic, listening to parents, and discussing these issues with parents and adult children alike. Cathy and I have lived out the principles in this book with our own family.
​
My goal has been to write a book that is both hopeful and enlightening, practical and life changing. You’ll have to let me know what you think.
​
~Jim Burns
* Taken from the Amazon selling page for Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out.

Looking for a few more marriage and parenting resources? Check out these additional titles from Jim Burns. Click on the book cover to learn more and buy your copy.

[ affiliate links ]

Be sure to visit the BOOK SHELF, our grow library of resources for parenting, marriage, faith, and life. These are books that we have read, found to be incredibly helpful, and highly recommend. The library is always growing as we continue to learn as a individuals, as husband and wife, and as parents.