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Let's get real. Life can be challenging. We have had our fair share of "challenges". But through all the challenges, we can honestly say, our marriage has always be a solid foundation for us to stand on. Never have we ever questioned or doubted the commitment we have for each other. For 28 years we have enjoyed every aspect of our union. But life changes. The kids grow up. Jobs change. Schedules conflict. And we get old, or at least older. Then it sets in; the marriage killer. The status quo.
We have always allowed for time in our marriage to care for and work on our relationship. Date nights, weekend get-a-ways, marriage conferences, seminars, books, and other couples to mentor and speak into our lives, these have been a big part of our success. After two years of marriage we moved away from our families to enter full-time ministry. It was the beginning of an exciting adventure. Those early years away from our families forced us to lean into each other to make our way as husband and wife. We were a four hour drive from our in-laws, close enough to visit, but far enough that we had to really rely on each other.
As our family grew, so did our commitment to strengthen our marriage. We were blessed to serve in churches that supported our family. That support manifested in babysitters for date nights and care-givers while we went away to attend conference and training events. Keeping our marriage strong and healthy was our goal. But life was busy. At one point we were really stretched. Two working parents. Five kids. Two in college. One in high school. One in middle school. One in elementary school. Sports. Dance. Part-time jobs. Friends. Girl-friends. Church commitments. Family commitments. It all added up quickly, and unfortunately, the amount hours exceed the daily limits.. But that was then. some of our favorite books
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And, this is now. There are still two working parents and five kids, but life looks a little different. Three are in full-time employment. One is in college. One in high school. There are still church commitments, family commitments, school activities, part-time jobs, and house and yard chores. It still adds up quickly, but today's daily schedules are a little more manageable.
However, the last couple of years have proven to be more challenging for our relationship. From the cancer diagnosis to the loss of our fathers, to stepping out of ministry for a short time, our marriage has weathered some stormy seasons. In the midst of it all, we held tight to each other and to Jesus. During one of those busy seasons of life, we got together to talk. Things were spinning out a little bit, so we wanted to address some of the struggles we were facing. We realized that we had neglected to make our marriage a priority. It wasn't something we planned, it kinda' just happened. Instead of date nights, we were playing taxi service. Instead of weekend conferences, it was weekend sports. Instead of small group with friends, it was booster and church meetings. We're living on two separate schedules. Amy goes to work early in the morning. That means she's off to bed early. Jay goes to work a little later after the kids go to school, so he's usually up later. Amy's job was more physical as she's on her feet most days. When she's wasn't at work, she's was at home watching children, managing the house, and caring for our kiddo's. By the end of her day, she was exhausted. Jay's work day was divided between office, after-school events, church meetings, networking, and youth gatherings. That left Jay with a schedule that kept him up later. It felt like we were proverbial "ships passing in the night."
As we talked, we recognized that a few things needed to change. The first thing to change was that we needed to reprioritize our marriage. We had been working so hard at so many other things, we forgot that we had to work hard at our marriage. We let our marriage take the backseat as our focus drifted towards everything around us. We replaced the simple loving moments and romantic gestures with household chores and completed items on the To Do List. Late evening trips to the grocery store for milk and bread became like date nights as we stole 15 or 20 minutes as "together time."
But To Do Lists and grocery runs, as important and necessary as they may be, don't strengthen your marriage. And the more you push the issue under the carpet, the more you find that your losing your best friend. So, something had to change, and change it did. One of the things we held to as a married couple was the promise we made to always fight for our marriage. We are still deeply in love with one another. That love, and the desire to live in that love continues to drive us to make our marriage a priority. We've never been ones to run away from hard work. Instead, we get down and dirty, sweating it out until we have accomplished our shared goals. And that is what we did, we got down and dirty as we fought for our marriage.
The second thing we did was to work on a number important areas in our marriage. What were these areas needing our attention? Words of Affection. Reestablishing the Date Night. Sexual Intimacy. A Renewed Commitment to be in God's Word. A Promise to Pray With and For Each Other. And the Quest for Fun.
Marriage isn't easy. It takes work, patience, love, forgiveness, and grace. It requires that both parties show up, do their parts, and fight for what's most important. It takes a commitment to communicate; too listen as much as you talk. To wake up each day and say, I am going to love my spouse better today, than I did yesterday, and together, we're going to win Maybe you find yourself in a similar place. You love your spouse and you know that your spouse loves you. But it feels like you're just going through the motions, doing the whole family/marriage thing, but you feel like something's missing. Or maybe, your in a dry season and just need a little reminder to help you wet that romantic side that you thought you had to put away when the kids arrived. Or maybe, your marriage is cruising along with all cylinders firing the way they should, but deep down your thinking, how can we keep this going? Our hope is that our journey might in some way, encourage and inspire you to make your marriage a priority for you and your spouse. - jay and amy 
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* THIS POST CONTAINS BOTH AFFILIATE AND PRODUCT LINKS,
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For the longest time we have heard about the importance of the Date Night. From our engagement till now, conference after conference, book after book, radio program after radio program; the date night is a necessity for a healthy marriage. And for years, we practiced the habit of the date night with great success.
We looked forward to date night. When the kids were little, we tried to slip out once maybe twice a month. Dinners, movies, concerts, shopping, walks, overnighters, romantic get-a-ways; date night was something we treasured. But as the kids grew older and our schedule more complex and complicated, the date night became somewhat elusive.
Date nights were opportunities for us to be together, to dream together, to laugh together, and to keep the spark alive.
But date nights can become a challenge. For us, we found ourselves putting our kids and work and schedules before our marriage. We lost sight of the need to work on our marriage. We forgot that we need to talk, not just about our day or the calendar, but to talk about us. We forgot that we needed to laugh, to dream, to simply be together. We needed to refocus, to reconnect, to recommit ourselves to the date night and to taking time to work on us. We needed to take the time to be us. So that's what we're did. We made the commitment to bring back date night.
Read any marriage book or listen to any marriage speaker and they will tell you that you need to make date nights a part of you marriage. The question is how?
How do you make date night part of your marriage? 1. Make the Commitment Together
We learned a long time ago that any decisions made by just one of us was a bad idea. But if we made a decision together, we were committed to see it happen. So, to make sure date nights happened, we committed to making date nights part of our regular family rhythm.
Together we were more committed to seeing that date nights happened. Our first commitment was one date a month. At the time, once a month worked with our schedules. As it became more of routine, it was easier to set aside two nights a month for date night. The point is, make the commitment together. From the Vlog2. Make it Doable
Back then, if we could, we would have scheduled a date night once a week. But the reality was we wouldn't be able to do that. Life just didn't allow for a weekly date night. So instead of setting a goal that we knew we wouldn't be able to obtain, we started with something we could manage.
As our kids grew and schedules changed, we were able to add more date nights. We also considered the time of year, know that same seasons made date nights a little more challenging. We decided to keep our commitment to one date night a month, and be flexible with additional date night opportunities. If you and your spouse are still working through the busyness of life, don't try to commit to something that you know you can't follow through with. Start small and build upon it. Make the commitment to go on one date each month. As you take control of your busyness, you can add another date night as you go. 3. Make it Fun
One of the things we loved about our early date nights was that they allowed us the time to have fun together. It's not like we had to go and do a bunch of activities, we loved being together because being together was fun.
As you think about your date nights, have fun. If dinner is fun, go to dinner. If a movie is fun, see a movie. If taking a walk through a park is fun, go for a walk. Being with your spouse should be fun. So have fun.
Now, let's be honest. The best thing about date nights is that at the end of the night you get to go home...together. Have your date night, have fun, and then head home together for a little more fun.
The point is, make date night a priority for your marriage. If you are not already scheduling date nights into your weekly or monthly schedules, try to do so. Make the commitment as a couple. Make date nights doable. And make them fun. If's it been awhile since your last date night, what's keeping you? Why not schedule a date night for this weekend. And if you are a master of the date night, find a couple to encourage Introduce them your date night routine and help them practice the habit of the date night.
If marriage is your priority, than make date night a part of your marriage.
We want to hear some of your best date night ideas! Share your favorite locations, activities, memories. Encourage other couples to make dating a regular part of their marriage. We look forward to reading your comments. - jay & amy 
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In the post, Rethinking Dating with a Large Family, we shared the idea looking at date night not as "date NIGHT", but maybe "date DAY." For larger families with busy schedules, squeezing in a regular weekly or month date night is a real challenge. Just try finding some privacy and one-on-one time in the evening as your fishing homework, chores, bath time, bedtime, and clean up. Just saying all of those tasks is exhausting.
So what do you do when you can't set aside time for routine date nights? You start having date days! Instead of trying to go out on a week night or a weekend evening, think about how you might share time during the day together. Make it a Date Day! As part of the post we gave a very short list of about 5 mid-day date ideas, with the promise to come back and expand that short list. So, today we're here with a list of 25 mid-day date ideas for you and your spouse! As with all dating ideas, you will have to balance budget, time, resources, and actual availability. This list of 25 ideas is simply that, ideas. You should discuss with your spouse which of the following ideas are feasible for you in your context. Here we go! 25 Dating Ideas for the Day Time
11. Visit the local mall and try on some new clothes.
12. Take your spouse to lunch. 13. Visit a local festival. 14. Find a little, unknown restaurant you've never eaten at and have lunch. 15. Take a painting class. 16. Visit a car lot and take a test drive or two. 17. Go window shopping in a cute, small town nearby. 18. Get ice cream together. 19. Get water ice together. (We're big fan's of Rita's Italian Ice.) 20. Drive out to a secluded location and have a picnic and one-on-one time.
This list really got us thinking about ideas for other "date day" and "date night" activities. so, watch for a few more lists coming soon! In the meantime, try out one or more of our ideas than come back and let us know what you did, and how it went! We'd love to hear from you!
- jay and amy 
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