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We were recently asked a question that has stayed with us: “What is the biggest risk factor to kids in this generation that is leaning or turning them away from God?”

It’s a big question—one that deserves more than a quick, simple response. The temptation is to immediately point to culture, technology, or “the world today,” but we think wisdom requires us to pause, reflect, and respond with both truth and humility.

As we've thought about this question, two foundational realities continue to come into focus.

This may be the most important—and most freeing—truth for parents and caregivers to acknowledge: we are not the authors of our children’s faith stories. God is.

Scripture reminds us that God is the One who draws hearts, transforms lives, and sustains faith. Our kids’ relationship with Him is ultimately His work, not ours to manufacture or control. That doesn’t mean our role is insignificant—far from it—but it does mean we are not sovereign over outcomes.

At baptism (or dedication), we make a sacred promise: to raise our children in the faith, to teach them God’s Word, to model a life of following Jesus, and to place them in environments where faith can grow. We are faithful stewards, not ultimate decision-makers.

Recognizing this truth guards us from two dangerous extremes: crushing ourselves with guilt when our kids struggle, or trying to control them out of fear. Trusting God with their story allows us to lead with faith instead of panic.

While we aren’t in control of our kids’ faith journey, we do play a meaningful role in shaping the environment they grow up in. And some of the greatest risk factors today are not subtle.

One major risk factor is unfiltered access to technology—cell phones, the internet, social media, and the lack of supervision that often comes with them.

Our kids are being formed every day by what they consume. Social media disciples them in values, identity, comparison, sexuality, success, and worth—often in ways that directly contradict the gospel. Without guidance, accountability, and boundaries, we are handing powerful tools to young hearts that are still learning discernment.

Technology itself isn’t the enemy, but unchecked and unshepherded access can slowly shape beliefs and behaviors long before we realize it. If we are intentional about sports schedules, school choices, and bedtime routines, we must be equally intentional about digital formation.

Another significant risk factor is allowing our feelings to direct our decisions instead of grounding our lives in the Word of God.

​We live in a culture that elevates emotion as ultimate truth: If it feels right, it must be right. When feelings become the primary authority, truth becomes flexible, and faith becomes fragile. Our kids notice when we say one thing about God but live another based on comfort, convenience, or cultural pressure.
​
When parents and leaders prioritize peacekeeping over truth, affirmation over discipleship, or personal comfort over obedience, kids learn that faith is optional when it becomes costly.

We model a faith that is authentic, anchored, and humble.

We admit when we don’t have all the answers, but we show our kids where we go to find truth. We set loving boundaries around technology, not out of fear, but out of wisdom. We allow God’s Word—not our emotions or the loudest cultural voices—to be the foundation on which we stand.

And above all, we trust God. We pray relentlessly. We stay present. We keep showing up.

The greatest risk factor may not be any single influence, but the quiet drift that happens when we stop being intentional. The greatest hope, however, remains unchanged: God is faithful, He is at work, and He loves our kids even more than we do.

jay & amy

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What does it look like to make faith a priority at home? Why is it important? What does faith look like in seasons of struggle? How do you pass faith down to your children? These are some of the questions we tackle in our newest episode of Gathered.​ Join us at the table as we discuss what it looks like to focus on faith in the home. It's episode 4 of, Gathered in the Higham House.

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Parenting in Real Life: The Wins

In episode three we talk about celebrating the parenting wins in family life. From defining a win to sharing some of our most memorable moments and family wins. Jay and Amy sit down and share stories from the Higham House. Pull a chair up to the table, and join us for Gathered in the Higham House.

Do you have questions about family, parenting, marriage, ministry or faith? We'd love to hear them! Send us your questions and be a part of the conversation! Click here to submit your questions: The Podcast.

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As a youth pastor/church employee, I have attended my fair share of memorial service, funerals, and celebrations of life. These are always special events with family sharing memories and stories. There's laughter, tears, and sweet words of affection, appreciation, and loss.

I am often struck by how the fathers/grandfathers are remembered by the family members; particularly the by their kids. I listen as they recount the things that made their loved one so special. I usually find myself considering my own role of husband, father, and friend. I listen to learn. To ask questions. To evaluate. To be better. To do better. Here are a few things I've learned over the years.

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I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm praying for you. What is Jesus teaching you? How can I help you? These are the hard words that need to be said and asked more. I want my kids and my wife to know they are loved, precious and valuable. I want them to know they are unique and special, images of the Creator, made with purpose for a purpose.

I don't want my family to assume that I love them, or that I am proud of them. I want them to know with certainty that they are loved. That only comes when it's said. And, that only happens when we say the hard words.

Being present isn't just being in the presences of our kids or our spouse, or even our friends. Being present means being aware, actively listening, paying attention, engaging, and letting them know that they are special and worth your time.

My wife, my kids, those I serve and work with, I want them to know that they are valued, that I care, and that they time and my time are worth being with them. I want to be present not just with. I want to engage, share, and be a part of their world, not just someone who says yes or no. ​

There's nothing like laughter, especially when it's with the family. You know the laughter I'm talking about. The kind of laughter that makes you snort like a pig. Laughter that makes your insides hurt. Laughter that leaves you in tears. We laugh, but I think we need to laugh more. I want our time together as a family to create memories of us laughing.  And not just the laughter from great dad jokes or hilarious pranks (although that kind of laughter is great). I hope for the laughter that comes from great story telling, laughter as we remember someone saying something funny. 

As we look forward to the holidays, I am hoping for those moments as we sit around the dinner table, exchanging stories, watching as our kids laugh together. It's going to be great.

Probably the most moving, and maybe the most challenging thought involves our faith. We are a family of faith. We have done our best to raise our kids knowing who Jesus is, and what it means to have a relationship with Him. Church. Sunday school. Kids Ministry. Student Ministry. Small groups. Summer camps, mission trips, and weekend retreats. From serving in the church to serving in the community. We have tried to expose our family to what it looks like to live with purpose; to love God and others, to use their talents to serve others, to share their faith, and to know it's not about them.

But faith also needs to be a conversation. And we need to have more conversations. Conversations to lead to heart-change, which leads to life-change, which leads to discipleship, which leads to a life living for Jesus. More conversations. More talk about faith. More opportunities to see Jesus in the lives of our kids.

There are many lessons to learn in this life. But there's something about learning from the lives of others. And while I don't always have the opportunity to know these men, their legacies will live on in the lives of those they impacted. As for me, I'm going to do my best to take every opportunity to live out these life-changing lessons.

​- jay

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Welcome to November!! If you have been following the Life in the Higham House blog or vlog, you know that November 1st, ushers in the official start to the Holiday Season. As a faithful follower, you might also know that we have be in the process of transferring our family blog from our old server to a new server. In doing so, we have been sorting through dozens of posts. Some posts are being deleted, while others are being edited, updated, and reposted with the hope of encourage you and your family.

As part of the "sorting process" we are sharing some of our favorite vlog and blog posts. Since we are preparing for the Thanksgiving holiday, we thought it would be fun to share our Thanksgiving vlogs. Think of it as a trip down memory lane.

We started vlogging our Thanksgiving in 2016. Our goal was to capture sweet moments with our kids. Now looking back, these vlogs are absolute treasures. Here is Thanksgiving 2016. We hope you enjoy!

​We had an absolutely wonderful Thanksgiving day! We didn't do anything all that special. In fact, we really didn't do anything at all. What we did do was have some fun as a family and relaxing. One of our long standing traditions brings the kids into the kitchen to help with food preparations. And while we were going to a friends house for dinner, we still had some fun in the kitchen!

​We decided to vlog our day, capturing as much as we could! After all, it won't be much longer before we have some major changes hit our house. Logan will soon be away at college, and Nate will follow a year later. So knowing that time is flying by, we are really trying to make memories now!

We are so blessed. God has cared for us in some special ways. We have a wonderful church family, and some amazing friends. The kids are doing great. We are all healthy. And we are able to continue serving in ministry.

Yes, we have much to be thankful for.

We hope that you and your family had a great Thanksgiving! Thank you for being a part of our journey by reading the blog, watching our blogs, and connecting with us on our social media channels. As you know, our hope is to encourage families. So we hope that we are encouraging you!

Happy Thanksgiving!

​- the higham family

It really is a lot of fun to look back on the vlogs and remember how little the kids were, how their voices sounded, and the silly things they did. As we get closer to Thanksgiving 2024, our hope is to share a few more Thanksgiving vlogs with you. And of course we will share plenty of NEW posts as we get ready for our time with the family.

Oh, and don't forget our Christmas posts! Yes, we are getting ready for Christmas and you will not want to miss all the traditions, decorating, and sharing! It's finally here, the 2024 Holiday Season! Let's go!!

​- jay and amy

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It's Fall in West Virginia, which means crisp, cold days, falling leaves, and sweatshirts and sweaters. But we've been experiencing some beautifully warm days this past week and I am soaking it up.  In years past, I was blessed to be able to take morning runs with my sweet dog on one of the local trails in our community.  It was a season of life when all five kids in school all day. It was the perfect time to be in God's creation while getting in a little exercise. I would put my headphones in, find a good Bible-teaching podcast to listen to, leash up our dog, and away I went.

On one such outing, I started paying attention to my surroundings and the season we are in. Lots of leaves were on the trail leaving just a little color left on some of the trees. I started to think about the seasons and how each one has a beauty of its own. Then my mind wandered to how each season of our lives also has a beauty all its own. In some ways I couldn't wait for the season where all 5 were in school all day, and yet part of me dreaded it.  I loved having little ones at home with me all day. Yes, there were many challenges along the way, but for the most part I truly cherished it. At different points, Jay and I discussed and prayed about employment outside of the home, and there were seasons where I did work, both in and out of the house. But this particular season, we decided I had enough work to do to keep our home running. So we will continued to make the sacrifices and live on one income. 

I remember struggling with the reality that my kids weren't little anymore. It was also a time of transition, leaving a church where I had grown to love the people we served dearly, and quite frankly, the pain of having to say goodbye. But as I ran, looking at the rolling green hills and the fall colors still left on the trees, I felt God’s presence and peace fell upon me.

​I remember thinking, 'soon the trees will be bare and brown, and we will wait for snow to brighten up what’s become dingy and dead.' It was in this moment that I was reminded of the life that comes out of God’s love for His children. As God continues to shape me, I am more and more aware of His presence and peace during tough times. While it may look like things around me are dying, He is preparing to bring new life from within my circumstances.

The same is true as we go through season of change in our family. The kids get older. They grow up. And before you know it, they are all young adults, beginning to live their own lives. Every day that are little more independent. And while it's hard, we have to learn to let them go.

I remember God nudging my heart, telling me to enjoy the life that is around me and the new season He is bringing me into. I had to learn to watch as His hand created something new and exciting out of something that was seemingly lifeless and dull. Only a loving Creator can do that.

In Ecclesiastes 3:11, we read, “He makes all things beautiful in His time.” And it is in His time, not ours. Today, I am continuing to learn to be thankful that my Heavenly Father chooses to take the time to show me His love over and over again; a Father who gently reminds me through His Word and His creation.

Sometimes we have to go through seasons where we watch things come to end. But praise God, that He brings beauty and life even out of death.

​- amy

Today's post was edited and adapted from it's original post by Amy in November of 2015. We were in a season of transition and change, and leaning into God's faithfulness was incredibly helpful. We continue to experience seasons of change. Even now, with adult children, we are learning how to transition to a new era of parenting. Thank goodness, God doesn't change.

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We have been blessed to have the privilege of raising up 5 kids. Our oldest was born in 1998. Our youngest, 2008. We have loved raising our kids. Every aspect, from holding them as babies, to watching them learn to walk and talk, to starting school, to graduating high school. Everything. Every bit of every minute of raising our kids. We love it.

But not too many years ago, our oldest crossed over into adulthood. Shortly after that, No.2. More recently No.4 turned 18. That's 4 of the 5, now adults. The oldest lives on his own, has a great job, and is doing well. No.2, is married, has a great job, has 2 kids, and he and his wife are doing great. No.3 also has a really good job, has an amazing puppy, and is building his life. No.4 is 18, just graduated from high school, is preparing for college, and is excited about the future. And just so we're not leaving anyone out, No.5 will soon turn 16, and is doing great in high school.

The point is, we have moved from a place of raising little kids to now doing life with our adult (or almost adult) kids! The difference? With little kids, you are the parent. You're the on in control. With adult kids, you are just the parent. Adult kids like to make their own decisions, choose for themselves, and live how they want to live. With little kids you are the smart one; you have all the answers. Your stories are interesting and funny. Your counsel and advice is needed. With adult kids, they're the smart ones. They have all the answers. Your stories are just that, stories. And your counsel and advice...it's unsolicited, unwanted, and often unwelcome.

So what do you do? You still want to to encourage and counsel, you still want what's best for them. But how do you parent when your adult kids no longer welcome your parenting?

​As parents we might ask questions such as...

• My child's choices are breaking my heart--where did I go wrong?
• Is it OK to give advice to my grown child?
• What's the difference between enabling and helping?
• What boundaries should I have if my child moves back home?
• What do I do when my child doesn't seem to be maturing into adulthood?
• How do I relate to my grown child's significant other?
• What does it mean to have healthy financial boundaries?
• How can I support my grown children when I don't support their values?

In his book, Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out, Jim shares nine principles for parents to consider as they do life with their adult kids. These principles aren't just ideas, they are proven practices, applied in the "lab-of- life" as Jim and his wife Cathy did life with their adult children. He shares what they've learned with the reader, with the hope of helping parents navigate the thorny complexities of parenting adult children.

I have spent the last several years researching this complex topic, listening to parents, and discussing these issues with parents and adult children alike. Cathy and I have lived out the principles in this book with our own family.
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My goal has been to write a book that is both hopeful and enlightening, practical and life changing. You’ll have to let me know what you think.
​
~Jim Burns
* Taken from the Amazon selling page for Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out.

Looking for a few more marriage and parenting resources? Check out these additional titles from Jim Burns. Click on the book cover to learn more and buy your copy.

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Be sure to visit the BOOK SHELF, our grow library of resources for parenting, marriage, faith, and life. These are books that we have read, found to be incredibly helpful, and highly recommend. The library is always growing as we continue to learn as a individuals, as husband and wife, and as parents.

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This Sunday starts what many commonly refer to as Holy Week. Simply put, Holy Week is the final days of Jesus' earthly ministry which include his arrest, trial, crucifixion, burial, and resurrection on Easter Sunday. It all kicks off this Sunday with Palm Sunday.

As we get ready for the events of Palm Sunday, Holy Week and Easter weekend, we wanted to offer some resources that we hope might help you and your family prepare and celebrate this special season of the year. So stating this Sunday, Palm Sunday, and continuing through Easter Sunday, we will be posting a daily blog with a Holy Week Family Devotion. With each devotion we will share a short thought, a family friendly activity, a video or videos, and resources that you can use with your kids.

​If you are from a traditional church that utilizes the Liturgy and the church calendar, you might be familiar with Holy Week. But if you are new to the faith, church, or you attend a more non-traditional church, you might be wondering what Holy Week is and why it's such an important week.

You might also be wondering why I used terms like traditional and non-traditional church. Well, a traditional church might be a church associated with a denominational connection. These would be churched that refer to themselves as Presbyterian, Methodist, Lutheran, Baptist, of Catholic. A non-traditional church might consider themselves as non-denominational or independent. Traditional churches generally, maintain or follow a Liturgical or church calendar that marks specific seasons, celebrations, and/or sacred days throughout the year. Some non-traditional churches choose to step away from those "traditions." Whether traditional or non-traditional, what's most important is that the church stay faithful to the gospel of Jesus Christ while maintaining Biblical teaching.

But what is Holy Week, and how do I share this with my kids?

That's a great question. As we've said, Holy Week marks the week between Palm Sunday, when Jesus enters Jerusalem to cheers and palms while riding the colt of a donkey, and Easter Sunday when he is raised from the tomb to life.

​Consider these two videos. The first, the video just above, is from the question and answer website of GotQuestions.com, an online resources that answers questions relating to the Bible, church, God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and faith. They do a great job explaining Holy Week, also known as Passion Week.

The second, the video below, is from Phil Vischer's, What's In the Bible, video series. Phil is the creator of VeggieTales and What's In the Bible, a video series that teaches kids the Bible. In the video below, Phil and his friends talk about Easter and the importance of what Jesus did for us on the cross. The video is crazy helpful and great to watch with your kids.

Hopefully you now have a better understanding of what Holy Week is, and why we take time to reflect and celebrate the events of this week. If you still have questions I would suggest you reach out to your pastor, youth pastor, or kids pastor and ask them to help you better understand Holy Week.

If you are not connected with a church, feel email us here at Life in the Higham House. We would be happy to help you in any way we can. You can also leave a question in the comments below!

Be sure to join us starting this Sunday, as we begin Family Devotions for Holy Week! Then check in with us every day through Holy Week for the daily devotion. Each day's post will go live at 9 AM EST.

It's going to be a great week.

Happy Easter!

​- jay & amy

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Easter is just around the corner, and like Christmas, it's a pretty special time for the Higham family. So we're getting ready by gathering together some of our favorite family resources, activities, snacks, vlogs, and fun.

And we're kicking things off with three Easter activities that are fun for the whole family. Take a few minutes to discover Resurrections Eggs, Holy Week and Easter Ideas from Focus on the Family, and the "You've been Egged" neighborhood activity.

Then be sure to check in for more Easter ideas, resources, and fun for you and your family! It's going to be a great Easter!

We have more Easter fun coming in the next couple of blog posts, so be sure to check back for some fresh content and material!

Happy Easter!

- jay & amy

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Do your kids have a smartphone?

In March of 2013, the Pew Internet & American Life Project, said that "78 percent of young people, ages 12 to 17, now have cellphones. Nearly half of those are smartphones, a share that's increasing steadily..." as reported by the Huff Post, Tech page, in the March 12 post titled, "Teenagers Increasingly Use Smartphones To Access The Web: Report" 

That was then.

According to PEW Research article posted on January 5th, 2024, "nearly all U.S. teens say they use the internet every day (96%). And the share of teens who report being online “almost constantly” has roughly doubled since 2014-2015 (24% vs. 46%)." (Teens and Internet, Device Access Fact Sheet, Pew Research Center.) 

The capabilities of the smartphone are almost endless as manufacturers continue to discover new advancements in technology. With every release of a new phone, another huge step forward is taken. Like wise, mobile apps exist for just about everything. And if it doesn't exist now, it will tomorrow.

The smartphone is a great tool, when used wisely. But left to the natural devices of the teenage mind, the smartphone can be just a dangerous as an unmonitored computer. With powerful browsing capabilities and the internet access at their figure tips, you can search and view just about anything and everything on the web.

As parents, we should know what is on our child's phone. From the contacts in their address book, to the apps they've downloaded, to the sites they visit, we should be aware of everything and everywhere the phone goes. And just as we would check the browsing history on a desktop, we should be checking the browsing history on our kids smartphone.

As we work with students, parents, and families, we are often asked about cell phones and digital usage. Out of a concerned for how their kids use cell phones and devices, they're looking for suggestions. I shared with her these 4 thoughts.

5. Check Their History Regularly. With your settings and perimeters in place, make a point to check your kids phone regularly. Using the settings within the phone you can view recent browsing history and searches, as well as searches on social media platforms.  You should also scroll through their social media feeds to see the content that the algorithms are gathering and showing. And don't forget their email, including Junk Mail and the Trash.

Also be aware of the photos in their photo albums. New phones/devices now include deleted and hidden folders that require password or fingerprint/facial recognition. It sounds intrusive, but it is easier than ever before to access content that is not safe for kids.

We would love to say that these practices were enough to keep our kids safe. For as easy as it is to find questionable content, it's just as easy for others to send it to your kids. We've learned that perimeters, guidelines, and restrictions only go so far. To help your kids navigate the digital world, you must work on having open communication and persistence. Talk openly and honestly with your kids. Stay current with software updates and privacy settings. Talk and learn from other parents.

​It's okay to be a proactive parent. Knowing what your kids are doing when they are on their mobile devices is important. Policing where they've been and where the go, is good. There's nothing wrong with checking up and knowing what their doing online. Because, whether you realize it or not, someone else probably is. But that is a topic for another time.

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What do you think? We'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback. Share what you do and how you handle the issue of smartphones and internet usage with your kids. Got a couple of good ideas, share them in the comments for others to read and use. And as always, thanks for reading!

​- jay & amy