Category: Empty Nest

OUR FIRST EMPTY NEST EXPERIENCE

8/20/2025

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Over the last couple of years we've talked openly about our kids growing up. It's a transition. To go from a family of seven, full of joy and activity and mess and chaos, to watching the kids leave the nest one after the other. And while it's part of the family experience, the process of raising and releasing your kids, it still comes with emotions and new realities. Some expected, some unexpected.

We just experienced 4 weeks of empty nesting. No kids. No commitments. No shuttling. No other people. Just us. And it was great!

So how did we get here?

As you know, at the beginning of the year, we moved to Ohio to accept a new ministry role. This move left us in an unexpected place. With our oldest two already out of the house, we thought we'd have a little more time with our younger three. The move, however, forced some us to have to consider where some of the kiddo might land. Our youngest, still in high school, was obviously coming with us. But what about no. 3 and no. 4? What would they do?

It didn't take long to figure things out. Our no. 4 is getting married in August. This means he and his new bride would be moving into their own apartment after their honeymoon. And while the wedding wasn't a surprise, our move to Ohio was, and so was his choice to stay in West Virginia. As we moved to Ohio, he stayed in WV as he finished his first year of college. Then came the news that he and his bride-to-be had secured an apartment and he would be moving in on May 1st.

KINDLE EDITION

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Shortly after, no. 3, who had been working remotely in Florida, came home and said he had decided to move to Florida. It made sense. He had been doing longer and longer stretches of time in Florida. But the news still stung a bit. After a few weeks, he and a friend of his found an apartment and made plans to official "move out".

That quick we went from a household of 5 to a household of 3. No. 3 and no. 4 were now leaving the nest.

But how did we get to having an empty nest?

At the start of June, we dropped off no. 5 for four weeks of work at camp. She was spending the first half of her summer working at our favorite Christian camp in the Laurel Highlands. That left us with four weeks of no kids and an opportunity to experience how life might look when we prepare to step into the empty next season of life. (Which we hope is still a number of years away.)

No kids. Just us. So what did it look like?

Surprisingly, it was great. Dinners for two. Quiet nights. Bike rides and evening walks. Shopping. Day trips. Dinners with friends. The flexibility. The freedom. It was really a nice time to reconnect with one another. Here are three observations from our empty nesting.

1. Don't wait for The empty nest to think about the Empty Nest.

Early on in our pre-marital counseling, we determined that we wanted to be young empty nesters. That meant having children early so that when they left the house, we would be in a space where we could enjoy our time with our adult kids and their families. But the conversation wasn't just a counseling topic. over the years we have thought and talked about what life might look like when the kids were on their own and it was just the two of us in the house. Our hope has always been to experience and enjoy our empty nest years together. Part of our preparation for this is in maintaining a healthy marriage with proper priorities.

Priorities, you say? Do tell. As we raised our kids, we worked at keeping our marriage/relationship our main priority. This meant that we took time to date, go on trips, do conferences, read books, and foster a real desire to want to be together. We knew at some point, our kids would be out of the house, and it would be just the two of us again. What we didn't want, was to come to that place and find that we had become strangers living under the same roof. So we put in the work to continue growing our relationship so that when the time comes, we are still in love with each other.

2. Find things you enjoy doing together.

When raising kids becomes your focus, it's easy to put aside your interests. I (Jay) remember hearing the question, "So what hobbies do you enjoy doing?" My response was usually something like, "I have five kids and a wife, and I'm in student ministry, I don't have time for hobbies." Right or wrong, my answer revealed a real problem. The family and my job became my focus, leaving little to no time to do things that were for me. The same was true for Amy. And worse, as a couple we found ourselves in need of activities that we could do together.

Fortunately, we discovered this little problem early. In fact, was during the Covid shuts downs that led us to have a couple conversations about how we might spend our time when it was just us, no kids. We needed hobbies. Individually and together. We needed outlets for rest, creativity, exercise, exploration, growth, and fun. So began the search for hobbies and activities that we could do on our own and together. It's partly why we have invested into our backyard farm. There are aspects of the journey that we each enjoy. Amy likes the flowers she plants in the gardens and in pots around the house. I like to work of the veggie garden and caring for the animals. Together we enjoy canning, freezing, dry and preserving what we grow. But we're also exploring interests such as kayaking, hiking, and visiting small towns. We enjoy finding great places to eat and unique stores to shop.

We're not empty nesters yet, but when we are, we want to know that there will be plenty of things for us to do on our own and together.

3. Consider expanding your circle of friends

One of the big things we learned while in our 5 week empty-nesting season was a need for friends. While we love spending time together, we often found ourselves wishing we had another couple of two to hang out with. Whether a dinner party, or out to a restaurant, or just hanging out in the backyard around a fire pit, we learned that we want to be able to call on other couples to have fun with.

In the coming year, we plan on doing just that. By meeting and developing new relationships with friends, our hope is to be able to have a slightly larger circle of friends to spend some time with.

If you already have a healthy circle of friends to call on, great! Enjoy going to dinner, hanging out, and enjoying time together.

pumpkins. pumpkins. pumpkins.

Fall is just around the corner,
time to order Jay's book...
Pumpkins. Pumpkins. Pumpkins.

order today

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The empty nest is bound to happen. At some point, your kids will moving out. And you and your spouse will be left to figure out what life looks like with just the two of you. Our encouragement is this, don't wait till it's just the two of you to begin thinking about the two of you. Plan ahead. Have the conversations now about what you want that season of life to look like. Then, begin working towards those goals.

- jay and amy