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We were recently asked a question that has stayed with us: “What is the biggest risk factor to kids in this generation that is leaning or turning them away from God?”

It’s a big question—one that deserves more than a quick, simple response. The temptation is to immediately point to culture, technology, or “the world today,” but we think wisdom requires us to pause, reflect, and respond with both truth and humility.

As we've thought about this question, two foundational realities continue to come into focus.

This may be the most important—and most freeing—truth for parents and caregivers to acknowledge: we are not the authors of our children’s faith stories. God is.

Scripture reminds us that God is the One who draws hearts, transforms lives, and sustains faith. Our kids’ relationship with Him is ultimately His work, not ours to manufacture or control. That doesn’t mean our role is insignificant—far from it—but it does mean we are not sovereign over outcomes.

At baptism (or dedication), we make a sacred promise: to raise our children in the faith, to teach them God’s Word, to model a life of following Jesus, and to place them in environments where faith can grow. We are faithful stewards, not ultimate decision-makers.

Recognizing this truth guards us from two dangerous extremes: crushing ourselves with guilt when our kids struggle, or trying to control them out of fear. Trusting God with their story allows us to lead with faith instead of panic.

While we aren’t in control of our kids’ faith journey, we do play a meaningful role in shaping the environment they grow up in. And some of the greatest risk factors today are not subtle.

One major risk factor is unfiltered access to technology—cell phones, the internet, social media, and the lack of supervision that often comes with them.

Our kids are being formed every day by what they consume. Social media disciples them in values, identity, comparison, sexuality, success, and worth—often in ways that directly contradict the gospel. Without guidance, accountability, and boundaries, we are handing powerful tools to young hearts that are still learning discernment.

Technology itself isn’t the enemy, but unchecked and unshepherded access can slowly shape beliefs and behaviors long before we realize it. If we are intentional about sports schedules, school choices, and bedtime routines, we must be equally intentional about digital formation.

Another significant risk factor is allowing our feelings to direct our decisions instead of grounding our lives in the Word of God.

​We live in a culture that elevates emotion as ultimate truth: If it feels right, it must be right. When feelings become the primary authority, truth becomes flexible, and faith becomes fragile. Our kids notice when we say one thing about God but live another based on comfort, convenience, or cultural pressure.
​
When parents and leaders prioritize peacekeeping over truth, affirmation over discipleship, or personal comfort over obedience, kids learn that faith is optional when it becomes costly.

We model a faith that is authentic, anchored, and humble.

We admit when we don’t have all the answers, but we show our kids where we go to find truth. We set loving boundaries around technology, not out of fear, but out of wisdom. We allow God’s Word—not our emotions or the loudest cultural voices—to be the foundation on which we stand.

And above all, we trust God. We pray relentlessly. We stay present. We keep showing up.

The greatest risk factor may not be any single influence, but the quiet drift that happens when we stop being intentional. The greatest hope, however, remains unchanged: God is faithful, He is at work, and He loves our kids even more than we do.

jay & amy

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Happy New Year! 2026 is here, and we are so excited for this new year. 2025 was great. We moved, started new jobs, our kids moved, some of our kids got married, we moved again; it was a year of change and growth. It really was great. But, with all the change and transition, 2025 still felt a little unstable. 

As we step into 2026, however, we are doing so with a renewed sense of calling, purpose, and joy. From our callings to serve our church, to the new season of family life, to our new ventures, we're looking forward to what God is doing as He continues to lead us through this amazing journey. We want to jump into 2026, and share a little about what we believe God is calling us to, and what we hope, through His grace, to see happen.

We have been sharing a lot about the transition from being a house of 7 (2 parents and 5 kids)  to a house of 3. With all 4 boys living on their own or with their families, our once busy and active home has been become significantly quiet and less busy. As we think of our parenting, that too is changing. We are now parents of adult kids, and we learning what that means.

Amy and I are getting older. We're both in our 50's. In some ways, that's exciting. We once looked up to folks in their 50's as mentors and coaches. We saw them as experienced, wise, and respected. They helped to shape us as, our faith, our parenting, our marriage, and our ministry. Will we now have a chance to be that for someone else? 

But, 50? We're getting older. Our bodies are changing. We have readers. We can't eat certain foods. Our knees, backs, and hands remind us that we're not as flexible or athletic as we once were. We're learning how to adapt and care for ourselves. At our church they is a ministry to "older" folks. The age to be welcomed into that group is 55. We're almost there, and we're not ready for that!

Yes, we're grandparents. And, we love it! Embrace the role is something we are looking forward. But with grandparenting comes new responsibilities, expectations, hopes, and commitments. We are navigating what it looks like to be supportive, available, helpful, and encouraging, while recognizing boundaries and learning when (and how) to step in and when to step back.

This May we celebrate 30 years of marriage. God has been so good to us in our marriage. In so many ways we have been blessed. 30 years and we are still in love, we are still our favorite people to be with, with are still looking to be better and do better. We still want to be the best for one another. We look forward to seeing each other. And, we still get "weak in the knees" when we're around each other. 30 years of ups and downs, and yet we're still crazy in love.

We have long welcomed the idea of encouraging and supporting families. As youth workers, we recognize that serving students also means your serving the family. More than ever, we want to partner with and walk along side parents as they raise up their families. As we step into 2026, not only are we excited about the opportunities to serve families in our church, but we are also looking to expand that ministry beyond the church walls. For the longest time, our online presence has been sharing our lives as a family. From the blog to the vlog to our social media, we shared our story as we were living it. But life is different now.

This year we hope to dive a little deeper into our why? Why is family so important to us? Why do we feel called to serve students AND their families? This past fall we started our podcast called, Gathered in the Higham House. Our hope was and is to encourage and support families through sharing the story that God has given to us. The first 7 episodes are already live, with at least 8 more coming in this new year.

The blog will also continue to share what we have learned and what we are continuing to learn as husband and wife, as parents and grandparents, and as Jesus followers. We recognize that we are not experts on all family related topics, but we have a story, and we are experts at sharing our story.

Where 2025 was a year of transition and change, 2026 is set to be a year growth. We're excited to see what God has in store for the new year. As always, we are inviting you to come along and join us. As the new year takes shape, we will share the things we're learning, what our family is doing, and offer encouragement and hope to your family. So here we go. Let's officially kick off the new year. 2026 is here. 

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- Thursday, January 8, 2026
Christmas has come and gone, but not without a lot of laughter, joy, fun, and a little chaos. Christmas hits a little different with adult kids, and we're learning how to navigate the comings and goings of our growing family. Here are three things we learned this year.

We don't have everything figured out just yet. We're still learning as we grow. This Christmas truly was wonderful, but our hope is to see many more Christmases and family gatherings be as amazing. So here are three things we learned this Christmas.

1. Practice Now What You Want to See In the Future
Think about what you want your future Christmases to look like. As your family grows and matures, what goals, dreams, or ideas do you aspire to. Traditions and activities, experiences and events? You can plan ahead; start the traditions, practice certain habits, that helps create a future outcome for your family.

2. Manage Personal Expectations
This sometimes falls more on moms than dads, as they are most often the ones who pour into Christmas. So what expectations do you have for Christmas? Gift giving and receiving, activities an events, and participation. Acknowledge your expectations. Then check to make sure your expectations are reasonable. Adjust what you need to adjust so you can enjoy the Christmas season instead of ending the holidays with disappointment or frustration.

3. Be Open to the New
Traditions are great. Creating memories is important. But don't let traditions and memories block the possibility of new experiences or traditions. Be open to new things. Give space to try something you haven't done before. As your kiddos grow older, see what ideas they might have. As you add new family members, be open to some of their traditions and give them space to share and become part of your family. We were surprised and delighted as our kids/adults asked to do some of our old traditions, but also wanted to do a few new things.

The point is, Christmases are going to change as your family changes. And that's, okay. Be able to roll with the changes. Embrace what Christmas is becoming, while holding on to the sweet memories of what Christmas was. Both are invaluable.

Show Notes & Links...
We learned three things this Christmas...

1. Practice Now What You Want to See In the Future

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On Tuesday of this week (January 6th, 2026) I posted my daily vlog where I shared a few thoughts about worship music. I had been listening to a worship playlist through Apple Music, and as the music played, the selection of songs started bouncing from newer worship music to some of older worship songs. As I listened, I found myself pausing to listen and remember. Some of the older songs on the playlist not only moved me, by reminded me of the times, places, and people who once sang these songs along side me.

I call it the worship movement, a season when modern worship music was huge. This would have been somewhere between 1990 and 2010 (approximately). There was a movement in the Church where artists and worship leaders were writing lyrics and music that called a generation back to worship. 

I think of artist and bands like Matt Redman, Chris Tomlin, David Crowder, Delirious?, Sonic Flood, Hillsong, Stuart Townend, Passion, and Darlene Zchech, just to name a few. It was an incredible season of music. I remember standing with my students at a Creation music festival in Pennsylvania, (along with a couple thousand attendees) singing with Casting Crowns, Newsboys, Third Day, and Delirious? and being moved and thinking, is this what God desired of His church; multitudes worshipping the Creator? Camps and retreats offered powerful moments of humility and offerings through song and prayer. Weekly student gatherings were led by student bands, little more than a high school garage band, who loved Jesus and wanted to lead their peers in worship. It was an exciting season of ministry.

After posting the video, I noted a few errors in what I shared about the song, Heart of Worship. The song was written by Matt Redman, which I said. But it was written sometime between 1997-1999. The version I shared is Shane & Shane on the project, The Worship Initiative Vol. 9. It was recorded in 2014 along with a number of great worship songs.

I also mentioned the worship genre exploding around 2014. That's partly true. As I said above, 1990-2010, in my mind was the heyday of the worship movement. However, worship music continued to be a huge part of the landscape deep into the years between 2010 and 2015. It wasn't quite as big, meaning many of the bands artists and bands who were prevalent at that time had grown quiet. 

Starting again in the latter part of the 20-teens, a new rise in the worship genre began to surface. That rise has been fueled by new bands and church praise teams such as Elevation, Red Rocks Worship, Maverick City, Phil Wickham, Crowder, and Cody Carnes.

All that's to say, there is still good worship music out there.

More to come soon!

- jay
​

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Happy New Year!

It's time to say goodbye to 2025 and hello to 2026. But before we do that, let's take a look back at the last year. A lot has happened in the Higham house. 2025 has been a year of changes, growth, and new experiences. In many ways, the Higham house doesn't look like it did in 2024. So come along and let's take a walk through 2025. This is our 2025, A Year in Review.

2025 started with a relocation and saying goodbye to wild and wonderful, West Virginia. We were headed west to the mysterious land of Ohio near the great lakes. At the end of 2024, Jay was offered the opportunity to serve as the Director of Parenting and Student Ministry at Bay EPC. So right after Christmas, we packed up the house and made the move to northeast Ohio.

2025 also brought the changing of locations for the boys. It started in 2021 when Logan began building a life in Florida and continued in 2022, as Nate started his adventure in New York. But with our move to Ohio, Aiden and Asher were left with some options. With Aiden's career taking him to Florida for longer and longer stretches of time, he decided to leave the nest and fly south. Asher, a student in college, decided he would stay in West Virginia while he finished school. With these two joining the world as productive members of society, we had to say goodbye. All four boys, actually, all four young men, are now living independently as they pursue the callings that God is has prepared for them. And might we add, saying goodbye, was a lot harder than we thought. But that's content for another blog post.

Moving is never easy, especially for the kids. As we transitioned to our new ministry in Ohio, Breya was asked to start over. Fortunately, she was ready for the challenge, and by God's grace and through His provision, we are watching her thrive. 

Don't get me wrong, it was an adjustment at first. It wasn't all kittens and roses. But God has opened the doors to a great group of friends, and academic and athletic success. We are looking forward to what the 2025-2026 school year will bring.

It's now over 30 years and we are still chasing the call to serve students and families. As we already mentioned, our move to Ohio came with the opportunity to serve as the Director of Parenting and Student Ministry at BPC. This role is an exciting chance to connect with and disciple both students and parents. But Amy too, has been called into ministry here in Ohio.

As many of you know, Amy was on staff with Young Life while in West Virginia. She served students and families as the Regional Capernaum Coordinator and the Ohio Valley Capernaum Director. Capernaum is Young Life's ministry that ministers to students with disabilities. Obviously, we had to say goodbye to that ministry when we left WV. However, it prepared Amy for 2 new ministry roles that allow her to continue to serve the community in life changing way. The first is with Safe Families for Children, an organization that responds to God’s call for the church to practice radical hospitality within communities, addressing the challenges of social isolation, limited access to resources, and parental stress that often leads to foster care and family separation. (As per the website.) Her second ministry is with BPC as the Disability Discipleship Coordinator. This new role will combine much of what she learned and did with students and families in WV, and apply it to the students and families here at BPC and in the surrounding community.

The summer kept us busy with the regular events such as summer camp, a mission trip, and summer jobs, but it also hosted two weddings. The first was for Logan and his bride Andrea. In late July, we made the trip to Florida where Jay officiated a beautiful, service with a handful of family and friends. Andrea is a sweet and wonderful addition to the Higham family and we look forward to what God has in store for their family.

About two weeks later, the family gathered again for the uniting of Asher to Alaina. Jay officiated another beautiful service as Asher and Alaina said "I Do."  Alaina has been part of our family for a number of years, but to make it official was special. It was a wonderful celebration of love and joy. We are thrilled to watch our family grow and can't wait to see what God will do in the years ahead.

Late this fall, we finally took the leap and started a family podcast. Gathered in the Higham House, is where faith meets family and real life happens. This is our space to share stories, celebrate traditions, talk about the ups and downs of family life, and encourage families to live life in view of the scriptures. From holiday memories and parenting wins to lessons learned through laughter and faith. We were able to drop 6 episodes before the end of 2025, with plenty more to come in 2026. You can go back and listen to the first 6 episodes. New episodes will begin again in mid January 2026.

Don't worry, we're still in Ohio, but we are in a new house. When we moved to Ohio, we decided to rent instead of buy. We had hoped that renting would give us time to get to know the area and find a house that would allow us to continue with our homesteading. God had other plans. Despite a multi-month house search, we haven't been able to find what we were hoping for. But to our surprise, God opened the doors to a beautiful rental house that checks most of our boxes. So, instead of buying, we decided to continuing renting, until God shows us where he wants us to settle. On Thanksgiving weekend, with a couple inches of snow on the ground, a small army of friends showed up and helped us move. We are so grateful for the friends we are meeting and making here in Ohio.

As if all the change and transition wasn't enough, we decided to add 2 new puppies to our family. Bentley and Behr, 2 Sheepadoodles, were welcomed into the Higham House at the beginning of December. These 2 sweet boys are full of energy, personality, and mischievousness. It was meant to be an early Christmas  surprise for Jay and Breya. In fact, we made a vlog of the surprise, you can watch it here: An Early. Christmas Gift.

With the family spread out in 4 different states, we were super blessed to be able to welcome everyone home for Christmas. We had all 5 kids and spouses and grandkids and puppies and Jay's mom all under one roof for Christmas. It was a beautiful, chaotic, messy, joyous, unforgettable weekend of family and Christmas. It was truly a sweet time together with plenty of tears when it came time to say goodbye.

2025. It was a wonderful adventure-filled year of change, growth and transition, and looking back now, we can't believe just how much our lives are different. But through it all, God has continued to reveal himself. 30 years ago, we said "I do" to each other and to whatever God had planned for us. Of course back then, we had no idea of whatever might look like. But we committed ourselves to following Him; to trusting that His plan for us was good and faithful.

2026. What does this year hold? What new adventures await us? How will God use, move, and minister through us? How will the family grow? How can we continue to encourage families through our story, the blog, vlog, and the podcast? Let's find out together!

Happy New Year!

​- jay & amy

Do you have joy?

It's December 3rd, and time for our 3rd installment of Songs for Advent. Today we're listening to Phil Wickham's, Joy To The World. This version premiered on Dec 13, 2021 as the official performance of "Joy To The World (Joyful Joyful) for the Live From The Chosen event. The song featured Jordan Feliz, Bryan & Katie Torwalt, Maverick City, The Bonner Family, and of course Phil Wickham.

So, why this song? Simple. It's time to experience the joy that comes at Christmas. We celebrate Christmas to remember the arrival of Jesus on earth. The angels declared His arrival saying, "“Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." Luke 2 10-11 ESV.

Good news of GREAT JOY. Joy. Joy in response to the news, a Savior has been born. The world has waited for this moment. The promise of Genesis 3, enmity, has come. The promise is being fulfilled. What was broken by sin is being made new. Our rebellion meeting reconciliation. Hope, led by joy, has come.
 
The Gospel in flesh. Jesus, the baby born in Bethlehem, will be the one to crush the serpent and bring rescue to all the people.

Here's our question. Do you know the joy? 

This Christmas, we invite you to know the Savior born, Christ the Lord.

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A couple of years ago, one of our favorite holiday songs was by David Crowder, Thanks Giver. Released on November 18th, 2022, the song came as a reminder of God's faithfulness in the lives of His children.

2022 was a rough year. It started with Amy's diagnosis of breast cancer in January. January and February were spent trying to understand the kind of cancer it was and how best to deal with it. March through April was prepping for her coming surgery. May 2, in a 15 hour surgery, the cancer was removed and the 8 to 10 week recovery process began. But 2 weeks after the surgery, something went wrong and we were back for another multi-hour surgery. Now, more recovery.

In June, Amy's dad went into the hospital, then hospice, then passed. That was June 11th. Just days after his passing, Jay's dad went into the hospital. On July 4th, he passed. A couple of days later, Toby, our family Goldendoodle of almost 14 years suddenly passed. It was a rough summer.

2022 also marked the beginning of our kids leaving the nest. Our oldest had moved to Florida in 2019 for school. In 2022, he official became a Floridian. In January of 2022, our second born moved to New York. By February, he was married. An our third born, his job was taking him to Florida for 2 to 4 weeks every couple of weeks. 

By mid fall we were physically, emotionally, and spiritually empty. We decided to step out of ministry to allow for some time to grieve, heal, and seek God. As the holiday's approached, we started a season of transition. Our son, Logan, was the first to hear the song and sent it to Amy. At first listen, we knew this song would become something significant for us. Over the weeks that led to Thanksgiving, then Christmas, it was. And, to this day, the lyrics take us back to that season and the reminder that God gave.

The song begins with main character heading home for Thanksgiving and the anticipation of begin together with family and friends. The chorus takes us right to the truth that God is faithful and good and the One holds us in his hand. Verse two takes us into the Christmas season and the gift of Jesus and what that means for us. 

It was what we needed to hear; that in all that we were experiencing, the hard, the hurt, the grief, the fear, the God was still God and we had much to give thanks for.

I don't know what you might be experiencing this year, but as we step into the Advent season, can we encourage you with this reminder. God is still God. And He loves you. He is moving in your story. He is never far from you.

- Merry Christmas

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Advent is a time to anticipate the coming of the Savior. Advent means, arrival or coming. ​We love the Advent Season. Not only is it a fun way to countdown the days to Christmas, but it is a time to slow down, reflect, and consider the Nativity story. It's a time to intentionally, prayerfully, humbly, meditate on the gift that God gives through His son, Jesus Christ.

Advent celebrates His first coming; a baby, born a little over 2000 years ago. But Advent also calls us to look forward to His second coming, and the reconciliation He will bring. This coming will not be as a baby in a stable, but the coming of a king, the King who reigns on the highest highs. 

During this Advent season, we will celebrate in the traditional ways with candles, scripture readings, and calendars. But we will also celebrate with what we're calling, Songs for Advent.  Songs for Advent, is a 25 day countdown to Christmas morning, sharing some of our favorite Christmas music. These songs help us remember Jesus' first arrival while we anticipate His second coming. We hope these songs will help you slow down and consider the gift and love that comes through the King of kings. Let's crown Him. 

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When they are little, we don't think too much about it. Maybe that's part of the problem. When we do think about it, sometimes it's too late. We want the best for them, but sometimes our best keeps them from discovering their best. And, instead of shaping capable, independent young adults, we raising our adult kids. Let's talk about that.

It's crazy just how fast our kids grow up. While we've been living in this space for a couple of years, it's still weird to think that we have four adult children. Three of them are married. All four of them are living on their own, managing careers and/or school, paying bills, navigating relationships, making decisions, evening raising a couple of heir own kiddos. Their in full adult-mode. And, while they still call home looking for advice, they are pretty much self sufficient.

But how did we get here? At a time when many are wrestling with finding their way, how can we help our kids make the transition from living under our roof to living under their own roof? After all, isn't that the goal, launching our kids to be independent, responsible, contributing members of society? (I heard that somewhere.)

Episode 6 Summary
Are you raising adult kids? Navigating challenging seasons with your adult children? In this episode we share what we are learning as we journey with our kids into adulthood.

Episode 6, Becoming A Prodigal Parent, is the starting point to a series that we are putting together as a resource for both parents who are currently navigating relationship with their adult kids and for parents who want to start thinking about how they can help prepare they kiddos for adulthood. The series will include a number of blog posts that will allow us to expand on some of the thoughts shared in the podcast episode. We also hope to circle back and release a couple more episodes the discussion the topic of raising/parenting our adult children. Our hope is to start posting as early as next week.

Here are some of the resources mentioned in episode 6.

To learn more about these titles click on the link to our bookshelf. There you can order the book through our affiliate partnership with Amazon. When you purchase using the links provided through our site, we have the opportunity to earn a percentage of the sale, at no additional cost to you.  By doing so, you help us to be able to continue to offer Life in the Higham House and Gathered in the Higham House as a resource to families. Thank you for partnering with us!

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Time to talk about Thanksgiving. Join us around the table as we talk about Thanksgiving Traditions. We also welcome our daughter, Breya, to the table, so pull up a chair, it's Gathered in the Higham House.

Show Notes & Links...
Thanksgiving, A Time to Remember: http://www.lifeinthehighamhouse.com/the-blog/a-time-to-remember
 - Life in the Higham House Thanksgiving Special 2020: https://youtu.be/Qm9hY6WA4a4
 - Life in the Higham House Thanksgiving Special 2021:: https://youtu.be/9rcV7T6g9tA
 - Life in the Higham House Thanksgiving Special 2018: https://youtu.be/6CgTpY7jR7U
 - Life in the Higham House Thanksgiving Weekend 2017: https://youtu.be/jywqoC9Lfn0
 - Life in the Higham House Thanksgiving Special 2017: https://youtu.be/LQZX_3GFwJg

Do you have questions about family, parenting, marriage, ministry or faith? We'd love to hear them! Send us your questions and be a part of the conversation! Click here to submit your questions: http://www.lifeinthehighamhouse.com/the-podcast.html 

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