8 Days of Intimacy - A New Beginning

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Congratulations! You did it! 8 days of reading God's word as a couple, discussing what you read as a couple, praying as a couple, and spending time together as a couple. 8 days, in a row! Wow!

It really is an accomplishment. Think about it. Many couples struggle to find enough time to simply say, Hello, as they pass each other in the hallway to the bathroom. Throw in kids and family responsibilities and the challenge for time only increases. So to set aside time and commit to 8 days of devotional exercises is quite a feat. 

Let's review the last 8 days. Our goal was to set aside 8 days and commit as a couple to do four things...

• Read scripture together,
• Discuss what was read and learn together,
• Pray together, and
• Spend some time one-on-one.

Our hope was to deepen our intimacy to each other and with God. Intimacy with God is being able to spend time getting to know him, learning how to trust him more, and allowing your faith to grow. Intimacy with our spouse is spending time with them, sharing our hearts, minds, and passions, and being open and honest with one another. Then there's the gift of sexual intimacy.

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Our hope was to deepen our intimacy
to each other and with God.

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But, now what?

We crushed the 8 days. We've had a lot of fun. What happens next?

Those were the same questions we asked. What happens next?

As we thought about those questions, we realized that we needed to help couples with what comes next. With 23 years of marriage, we have learned the importance of making our marriage a priority. It takes time and hard work. Knowing that, we want to help you continue to explore and deepen the intimacy in your marriage.
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So what happens next?

Here are a couple ideas to help you keep your reignited flame burning.
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Commit to put each other first.

We know how easy it can be to put your marriage and relationship on the back burner. It's often great when you first get married. Those early years can be a lot fun when it's just the two of you. But as life together changes, it becomes increasingly more difficult to keep the focus on each other. Children, careers, activities, organizations, friends, church ministry; the distractions can add up. And, while none of these activities in themselves is bad, they do pose the risk of consuming your time and attention.

We have five kids, make that five active kids. Quite often we found ourselves in seasons of intense busyness. There were many a night where we crawled into bed completely exhausted. Intimacy? Not a chance. But even in the busiest of seasons, we knew that we had to squeeze in time for one another. It was our commitment to put each other first that helped us navigate those busy seasons.

Make the commitment to put each other first. 
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Commit to do something to grow spiritually.

Over the last 8 days, you have had the opportunity read and discuss scripture and pray together as a couple. Hopefully you have experienced a deeper spiritual connection with God and each other. What we tried to create with this 8 days, is not just a reason for couples to have sex, but for you to have a real opportunity as a couple to spend time thinking and responding to God.

From day one of our marriage, we said that we wanted God to be at the center of our relationship. In order for that to happen, we have to do the work to keep God at the center of our marriage. Regular church attendance, bible studies, small groups, mission trips, volunteering, serving, personal quiet times, and prayer have been a significant part of our journey. They have helped us weather the storms and challenges of life. And, they have helped us to grow spiritually.

As a couple, commit to growing spiritually. Find and attend a healthy, Jesus-center, gospel-filled church regularly. Participate in a group bible study or small group. Join a men's group and a women's group. Find a place when you can serve; individually and as a couple. Encourage each other to take time for personal study and prayer. And of course, pray together. By doing these things, you will grow.
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Sexual intimacy is an important part of marriage.
We were made to have sex!

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Commit to weekly one-on-one time.

Being able to have sex 8 days in a row takes significant effort, we know. But let's be honest, as much as we would like it, having sex on a daily basis isn't always realistic. But sexual intimacy is an important part of marriage. It was the first command given to man, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it." (Genesis 1:28b NIV) In Genesis 2 we see the man and the woman wed by God, then the two became one flesh! In Genesis chapter 4, we read, "Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant..." (Genesis 4:1a NIV) And if you missed it, Song of Solomon is all about sex in the context of marriage! We were made to have sex!

Commit as a couple to set aside time each week to be intimate. It can be spontaneous and when no one's expecting it. Or it can be scheduled like a date night. However it works for you, do it. And not just once, but as many times as you can. Wake up early. Stay up a little later at night. Make plans to have "lunch" together. If it's too much pressure to set a schedule, then simply make the commitment to be as intimate as possible whenever possible. Remember, it's about you doing what's best and what works for your marriage.

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Some of this might sound a bit overwhelming and a lot of pressure, especially if you and your spouse are dealing with something. Overwhelming and pressured is not our goal. The whole series, 8 Days to Intimacy, is an exercise for you and your spouse to experiment with. As are these three follow up suggestions. Believe us when we say, we understand the complexities of life and family. We've been there. In some ways we're still there. Our encouragement to you is to simply find out what works for you in your relationship.

The important thing that we hope you keep in mind is not how much sex you have, or how often you read the Bible and pray together. The goal is that you deepen your intimacy, with each other and with God. That being said, sit down as a couple and ask, "What do we want for our marriage as we go forward." When you settle on your goals, go after them. And, let this be a new beginning for you and your marriage!

​- jay and amy
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