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Every year, it happens.
Summer arrives with all kinds of expectations. We imagine backyard barbecues where everyone gets along. Family vacations without meltdowns. Weekly adventures worthy of social media posts. A summer packed with memory-making moments that somehow leave everyone refreshed, connected, and ready for the next school year. And then reality sets in.
Schedules conflict. Budgets are tight. The weather doesn't cooperate. Kids argue. Parents are exhausted. Ministry responsibilities continue. Work doesn't stop. The laundry still piles up.
Before we know it, the pressure to create the "perfect summer" can steal the joy of the summer we're actually living. Maybe this is the summer we stop chasing perfection. Maybe this is the summer we embrace what matters most. Let Go of Pinterest PerfectioN
We live in a world that constantly invites us to compare.
We scroll through photos of elaborate vacations, color-coordinated family outings, and endless lists of "must-do" summer experiences. While there is nothing wrong with creating special memories, comparison often leaves us feeling like we're falling short. But the families our children remember most aren't necessarily the ones with the biggest adventures. They're the ones where they felt seen, loved, valued, and connected. Your family doesn't need a picture-perfect summer. They need you. Present. Available. Engaged. Comparison has a way of robbing us of gratitude for the gifts God has already placed in front of us. Instead of asking, "Are we doing enough?" perhaps we should ask, "Are we paying attention to the people God has entrusted to us?"
Choose Connection Over a Packed SchedulE
Summer calendars can fill up quickly. Sports camps. Church events. Vacation Bible School. Family reunions. Mission trips. Vacations. Sleepovers.
None of these things are bad. Many of them are wonderful opportunities. But if we're not careful, we can become so busy making memories that we miss being present in them. Children often spell love differently than adults do. Adults tend to spell love A-C-H-I-E-V-E-M-E-N-T. Kids often spell love T-I-M-E. The goal of summer isn't to maximize every minute. It's to maximize meaningful moments. Faith formation doesn't only happen during big events. It happens around dinner tables. On evening walks. In car rides. During ice cream runs. While watching fireflies dance in the backyard. The ordinary moments often become the sacred ones. Focus on a Few Intentional Moments
What if, instead of trying to do everything this summer, your family chose just a few things to prioritize?
A weekly family movie night. Saturday morning pancakes. One family service project. A monthly adventure day. Reading Scripture together before bed. Intentionality matters more than extravagance. Years from now, your children may not remember every activity on the calendar. But they will remember how your family made them feel. Were they welcomed? Were they heard? Did they laugh? Did they know they belonged? Those moments shape families. Summer doesn't have to be extraordinary to be meaningful. Sometimes wisdom looks like slowing down enough to notice the gifts we've already been given. Create a Family Summer Bucket List
Rather than creating a summer checklist designed to impress others, create a bucket list designed to bring your family together.
Invite everyone to contribute ideas. Keep it simple. Keep it realistic. Most importantly, keep it focused on connection. Summer Bucket List Ideas
Ask each family member, "What is one thing you hope we do together this summer?" You don't have to complete every item. The goal isn't accomplishment. The goal is togetherness.
A Final Thought
At the end of summer, your children probably won't remember whether everything went according to plan. But they will remember whether they felt loved. Whether Mom and Dad laughed. Whether there was space to talk. Whether family time mattered. So here's permission to release the pressure. Your family doesn't need a perfect summer. They simply need you—showing up, slowing down, and choosing connection one intentional moment at a time. And maybe, just maybe, this imperfect summer will become the one you needed most. Family Discussion Questions
We'd love to hear from you. Leave a comment, question, or encourage below.
- jay & amy
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In our post last week, STAYING CONNECTED TO YOUR SPOUSE IN THE CHAOS OF RAISING KIDS, we started a conversation that we hoped will be encouraging and helpful to parents who find themselves steeped in the busyness of raising kids. Marriage, our marriages, are super important and something we should be striving to keep healthy and a vibrant. We want to continue that conversation as we consider what it might look like to reconsider some simple priorities.
We know raising kids can consume everything. Having raised five of our own, we have walked through seasons of busyness. Schedules, practices, homework, meals, church events, bedtime routines… it can feel like it's nonstop. And somewhere in the middle of doing everything for your children, it becomes easy to slowly, quietly neglect your marriage. Not intentionally. Not maliciously. Just gradually. But here’s a truth worth holding onto: Raising kids is not a free pass to neglect your marriage. Your Kids Are Watching More Than You Think
As parents, we often focus on what we say—the lessons, the correction, the encouragement. But your kids are learning just as much (if not more) from what they see.
They’re watching:
Your marriage is setting a living, breathing example of love, commitment, forgiveness, and respect. By making the time to put your marriage first, you show your kids what it looks like to live out your covenantal vows. Remember, Your kids are watching your marriage as much as they’re listening to your words.
A Short-Term Assignment vs. A Lifelong Covenant
God’s Design Was Intentional
In Genesis 2:24, we’re reminded: “The two shall become one flesh.” Marriage was God’s idea—and it came before parenting. That order matters.
Your relationship with your spouse wasn’t meant to be secondary. It was designed to be foundational. Strong marriages create stable homes. Healthy relationships model God’s love to your children in ways words never can. Choosing to Invest in Your Marriage
The Goal Isn’t Just Surviving—It’s Thriving
You don’t just want to make it through the parenting years.
You want a marriage that:
Because one day, it will just be the two of you again. And the investment you make now will determine what that season looks like. A Final Thought
Your kids need your love, your leadership, and your presence.
But they also need to see a marriage worth believing in. So in the middle of the chaos, don’t forget this: The greatest gift you can give your children is not just a well-managed life—but a healthy, thriving marriage.
- jay & amy
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Let’s be honest—this season of life can feel like pure chaos. Between school schedules, sports practices, meals, church commitments, and the constant exhaustion, it can feel like you’re just trying to survive the day. And in the middle of it all, something subtle can begin to happen: the distance between you and your spouse slowly grows.
Not because you don’t love each other—but because life gets loud. We’ve lived this. At one point, we had five kids in five different schools, multiple sports schedules pulling us in every direction, were planting a church, working full-time, and running in-home childcare. It was too much. And somewhere in the busyness, we realized—if we weren’t intentional, our marriage was going to take the hit. This isn’t about guilt. It’s about awareness and intentionality. Reframing priorities
Here’s a truth that can be hard to hear but is incredibly important: raising kids is not a free pass to neglect your marriage.
Your kids are watching your relationship just as much as they’re listening to your words. They are learning what love, commitment, forgiveness, and partnership look like by watching you. And while parenting is incredibly important, it’s also temporary. Your kids will grow up and move out. But your marriage—that’s a lifelong covenant. In Genesis 2:24, we’re reminded that a husband and wife become “one flesh.” Marriage was established before parenting. That means your relationship with your spouse isn’t secondary—it’s foundational. You want a marriage that not only survives these years, but thrives long after your kids leave home. Resources for parents
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Your Spiritual Foundation Matters
You are called to disciple your kids—but you can’t pour out what you’re not receiving.
If your spiritual life is running on empty, it will eventually impact your home. Staying rooted in Christ—both individually and as a couple—is essential. In Deuteronomy 6:6–7, we see that faith is meant to be lived out daily—in conversations, routines, and rhythms of life. A healthy, Christ-centered marriage becomes one of the most powerful testimonies your kids will ever see. listen to the gathered podcastWho Sets the Tone in Your Home?
Here’s a question worth asking: does your family revolve around your values—or your calendar?
It’s easy to let sports, activities, and opportunities dictate your life. But as parents, you are the leaders of your home—not the schedule. That means you get to decide what matters most. Some practical shifts:
Because at the end of the day, a strong, connected marriage doesn’t happen by accident—it happens on purpose.
This season may be full, fast, and even overwhelming—but it doesn’t have to cost you your marriage.
Stay intentional. Stay connected. And don’t lose sight of what matters most. We'd love to hear from you. Share your thoughts and comments below. - jay & amy
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Every parent is shaping something. The question isn’t if we are forming our children—it’s what we are forming them into.
In a culture full of competing voices, Christian parents are called to be intentional about building a home centered on Christ. Scripture gives us a clear charge: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.” — Deuteronomy 6:6–7 Raising children in a faith-based home doesn’t happen accidentally. It happens through steady, prayerful priorities. Here are five foundational commitments that help cultivate lasting faith in the next generation. 1. A Personal Faith in Jesus
Before we can pass faith on to our children, it must be real and growing in us.
Children are far more likely to imitate what we model than obey what we say. If they see mom and dad genuinely walking with Jesus—repenting, praying, reading Scripture, worshiping, asking forgiveness—they learn that faith is not a Sunday activity but a daily relationship. Faith cannot be inherited; it must be embraced. Our goal is not to raise children who simply adopt our beliefs, but who personally surrender their lives to Christ. “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.” — Acts 16:31 “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” — 1 Corinthians 11:1 Practical Steps:
A faith-based home begins with parents who love Jesus first.
2. The Importance of a Faith Community
Christianity was never meant to be lived in isolation. Our children need more than just faithful parents—they need faithful people.
The local church provides spiritual friendships, mentors, and intergenerational influence. When kids see other adults loving Jesus, serving, and worshiping, their faith becomes bigger than their immediate family. “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together…” — Hebrews 10:24–25 Faith community reinforces what is taught at home and reminds our children they are part of something larger—the body of Christ. Practical Steps:
Your children should grow up knowing: This is our spiritual family. 3. Prioritizing Church, Kids Ministry, and Student Ministry
What we prioritize communicates what we value.
If church attendance is optional or frequently displaced by other activities, children learn that faith fits in when convenient. But when gathering with the church is a steady rhythm of life, it shapes identity and consistency. Age-specific ministries—kids ministry and student ministry—are not babysitting services; they are intentional discipleship environments designed to meet children at their developmental stage. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6 Consistency over time builds spiritual depth. Practical Steps:
When church is not a chore but a joy, it becomes part of your family culture. resources
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4. Serving Together as a Family
Faith grows when it is practiced.
Serving teaches children humility, compassion, generosity, and obedience. When families serve together, children learn that following Jesus includes action—not just belief. Jesus modeled what it looks like to live as one who serves: “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…” — Mark 10:45 Serving shifts focus outward and shapes hearts. Practical Steps:
Serving together creates shared spiritual memories that often leave a deeper imprint than any lecture.
5. Teaching Your Children to Share Their Faith
A living faith is a sharing faith.
Children should grow up understanding that the gospel is good news meant to be shared. Teaching them how to talk about Jesus builds confidence and boldness rooted in love—not pressure. “Go and make disciples of all nations…” — Matthew 28:19 “Always be prepared to give an answer… for the hope that you have.” — 1 Peter 3:15 Evangelism begins at home. Practical Steps:
When children understand that their faith matters beyond themselves, it strengthens their own conviction.
Raising children in a home centered on faith is not about perfection—it’s about direction.
There will be seasons of struggle. There will be questions. There will be moments when faith feels fragile. But God works through steady, imperfect obedience. “Let us not grow weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:9 As parents, our calling is to plant, water, and pray. God brings the growth. A faith-based home is built one conversation, one prayer, one Sunday, one act of service at a time. And by God’s grace, those small, consistent investments shape both you and your children's faith journey. In His Grace - jay & amy Consider these discussion Questions
Here are three discussion questions to help you can reflect on together:
1. Is our personal faith in Jesus visible and authentic in our home? In what practical ways are we modeling repentance, prayer, grace, and dependence on Christ for our children to see? 2. Do our family priorities clearly communicate that church and faith community matter? If someone looked at our calendar and commitments, would they see that gathering with God’s people is central or optional? 3. Are we intentionally creating opportunities to serve and share our faith as a family? What is one step we can take this month to practice living out our faith beyond our home?
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- Thursday, February `12, 2026
We're back with part two of the Parenting in Real Life episodes with, The Fails. Back in episode 3, we talked about The Wins (Parenting in Real Life: The Wins). As we look back, these are the moments that make us smile. But for every win there is a fail, moments when looking back we wish we would have handled differently. In this episode we're sharing stories and the lessons learned from our parenting fails. Listen to episode 9What We learned
Point 1: We’re Not Perfect — Parenting Is On-the-Job Training
God never asked us to be perfect parents—He asks us to be faithful and teachable ones.
Point 2: Be Quick to Ask for Forgiveness So You Can Be Quick to Give Forgiveness
One of the greatest gifts we give our kids is showing them how to repair what’s broken.
Point 3: Let Go of Guilt, Shame, and Regret — Embrace God’s Grace and Forgiveness
Shame keeps us stuck in the past, but grace invites us forward.
Discussion questions
Take the podcast to the next step and download out discussion questions. Use these questions to talk with your spouse. Download the questions here: DISCUSSION QUESTIONS.
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We were recently asked a question that has stayed with us: “What is the biggest risk factor to kids in this generation that is leaning or turning them away from God?”
It’s a big question—one that deserves more than a quick, simple response. The temptation is to immediately point to culture, technology, or “the world today,” but we think wisdom requires us to pause, reflect, and respond with both truth and humility. As we've thought about this question, two foundational realities continue to come into focus. First: We Are Not in Control of Our
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We recently read, Jim Burns' book, Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out. Published in March 2019, Jim tackles the question of how to navigate the waters of parenting and having adult children.
As parents, we recognize that our relationship with our adult kids is/has changed. But we still want to be a positive and encouraging voice in their lives. We want to see them making wise decisions. We want them to thriving in life. We want to see them fulfilling their purpose and living to glorify God with their lives. Jim Burns, has been speaking and writing on strong marriages, confident parenting, empowered kids, and healthy leaders for decades. With over 60 titles, Jim steps into the arena to offer parents of adult kids some much needed wisdom and help. Upon hearing the stories and challenges from thousands of parents, along with his own parenting challenges, Jim began to recognize some commonalities and patterns. But when Jim went to find resources, there was little written. So Jim set out to offer parents the help they needed with their adult kids. |
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As parents we might ask questions such as...
- My child's choices are breaking my heart--where did I go wrong?
- Is it OK to give advice to my grown child?
- What's the difference between enabling and helping?
- What boundaries should I have if my child moves back home?
- What do I do when my child doesn't seem to be maturing into adulthood?
- How do I relate to my grown child's significant other?
- What does it mean to have healthy financial boundaries?
- How can I support my grown children when I don't support their values?
In his book, Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out, Jim shares nine principles for parents to consider as they do life with their adult kids. These principles aren't just ideas, they are proven practices, applied in the "lab-of- life" as Jim and his wife Cathy did life with their adult children. He shares what they've learned with the reader, with the hope of helping parents navigate the thorny complexities of parenting adult children.
from the author
If you are anything like me, being the parent of an adult child is probably much more complicated than you ever imagined.We at HomeWord held seven focus groups with parents of adult children. Our goal was to listen to parents and hear their felt need. I heard many painful stories of adult children who were violating family values and faith, cohabitating, struggling with addictions, divorcing, experiencing gender confusion, suffering financial complications, or failing to launch. These parents were filled with confusion, shock, and other painful emotions.
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I have spent the last several years researching this complex topic, listening to parents, and discussing these issues with parents and adult children alike. Cathy and I have lived out the principles in this book with our own family.
My goal has been to write a book that is both hopeful and enlightening, practical and life changing. You’ll have to let me know what you think.
~Jim Burns
* Taken from the Amazon selling page for Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out.
My goal has been to write a book that is both hopeful and enlightening, practical and life changing. You’ll have to let me know what you think.
~Jim Burns
* Taken from the Amazon selling page for Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out.
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Amy and I both have enjoyed Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out. We found each of the nine principles to be insightful and helpful. Each were unpacked in details with stories and examples that helped to illustrate the concept and theory. Then, Jim shares practical steps, tips, and advice to help you do life with your adult children.
We highly recommend, Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out, by Jim Burns. It is a must-have addition to your parenting resource library. You can grab a copy of Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out, by clicking on any of the highlight links or the book cover images on this page. We are able to book available through our Amazon Affiliate links. Life in the Higham House, is an Amazon Associate and we earn from qualifying purchases. |
additional resources from Jim Burns
Looking for a few more marriage and parenting resources? Check out these additional titles from Jim Burns. Click on the book cover to learn more and buy your copy.
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Visit the Book Shelf
Be sure to visit the BOOK SHELF, our grow library of resources for parenting, marriage, faith, and life. These are books that we have read, found to be incredibly helpful, and highly recommend. The library is always growing as we continue to learn as a individuals, as husband and wife, and as parents.
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