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Every family has rhythms. There are things we do without really thinking about them. We eat together. We drive places together. We talk about our day. We celebrate birthdays and holidays. We have traditions, routines, inside jokes, favorite meals, and places we love to go.
These little rhythms help shape who we are as a family. And I think the same can be true of our faith.
Following Jesus as a family doesn't always require a formal Bible study, a carefully planned devotional, or a complicated family discipleship strategy. Those things can certainly be helpful, but some of the most meaningful ways we help our children grow in faith happen much more naturally. We simply learn to make Jesus part of the life we're already sharing together. Faith at home
When we talk about family discipleship, it can sound intimidating. But at its heart, family discipleship is simply helping our children know Jesus, learn His Word, and discover what it looks like to follow Him. And much of that happens through ordinary family life.
It's talking about what we learned at church over Sunday lunch. It's praying with a child who's worried about something happening at school. It's thanking God together when He answers a prayer. It's playing worship music in the car. It's stopping to pray for someone who is hurting. It's talking about where we saw God at work during the week. These moments might not feel like a "family devotional.” But they are discipleship. They are opportunities to remind our children that Jesus isn't simply someone we talk about at church. He is part of our everyday lives. Small Things Matters
One of the things we've learned through the years in the Higham house is that family faith rhythms don't have to be elaborate to be meaningful.
In fact, simple is often better. A short prayer can matter. One Bible verse can start a great conversation. One question around the dinner table can give your kids an opportunity to talk about what they're thinking or feeling. A five-minute conversation can become a moment your child remembers for years. We sometimes underestimate these little moments because they don't seem significant enough. But faith is often formed through small things repeated over time. Prayer becomes normal because we pray together. Talking about Jesus becomes normal because we talk about Him. Serving others becomes normal because we serve together. Gratitude becomes normal because we practice being thankful. Slowly, these practices become part of the culture of our homes.
Find a Rhythm That Fits Your Family
The important thing is to find something that feels natural for your family.
Maybe your family loves eating dinner together. Choose one night a week when everyone shares something they're thankful for and something they'd like prayer for. Maybe you spend a lot of time in the car. Use one of those drives to listen to worship music or talk about something God is teaching you. Maybe bedtime is a meaningful part of your family's day. Take a minute to pray individually with your children before saying goodnight. Maybe Sunday lunch becomes a time to talk about what everyone heard or experienced at church that morning. There isn't one right way to do this. Your family's rhythm doesn't have to look like ours—or anyone else’s. The goal isn't to create the perfect routine. The goal is to create a home where following Jesus is simply part of being a family. Start With One
So as we move into October, don't try to completely reinvent your family's spiritual life. Just choose one thing. One simple rhythm that helps your family pursue Jesus together.
Pray together before school. Share prayer requests once a week. Talk about Sunday's message over lunch. Practice gratitude before bed. Choose a Scripture verse to read together each week. Serve someone together once a month. Pick one. Then simply begin. There will probably be weeks when you forget. There may be times when it feels awkward. Your kids may not always respond the way you hoped they would. That's okay. Keep creating the opportunities. Because ultimately, we're not trying to create families that are really good at doing family devotions. We're trying to raise families who know Jesus, talk about Jesus, trust Jesus, and learn to follow Him together. And sometimes that begins with one very simple rhythm. - jay & amy 
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Back-to-school season has a way of changing everything. Summer ends. School starts. Practices resume. Church activities kick off. Meetings fill the calendar. Homework returns to the kitchen table. There are lunches to pack, forms to sign, rides to coordinate, appointments to schedule, and about a hundred other things that suddenly need your attention.
And somewhere in the middle of all of it is your marriage. 
Unfortunately, marriage often receives whatever is left. Whatever time is left. Whatever energy is left. Whatever patience is left.
And some days, there just isn't much left. After 30 years of marriage, Amy and I have lived through plenty of these seasons. There were years when we had five kids in five different schools. Add sports, church and ministry responsibilities, work, meals, laundry, appointments, and everything else that comes with raising a family, and life could get pretty crazy.
There were seasons when we were really good at managing the family but ran the risk of not caring well for our marriage. If we were not careful, the danger was becoming coworkers, schedule managers or transportation coordinators.
We could tell you who needed to be where, what time practice started, what was happening at church, and what needed to get done before tomorrow morning. But we knew if we were not intentional, it would be easy to forget to ask each other a much simpler question: How are you doing? There were seasons when we were really good at managing the family but ran the risk of not caring well for our marriage. If we were not careful, the danger was becaming coworkers, schedule managers or transportation coordinators. We could tell you who needed to be where, what time practice started, what was happening at church, and what needed to get done before tomorrow morning. But we knew if we were not intentional, it would be easy to forget to ask each other a much simpler question: How are you doing? Busy Seasons Expose Communication Gaps
Busyness doesn't necessarily create problems in a marriage, but it has a way of exposing them. When everyone is tired and the calendar is full, communication gets shorter. Assumptions increase. Patience decreases.
We start thinking things like:
The problem is that we often have those conversations in our heads long before we have them with our spouse. Instead of talking about expectations and responsibilities, we wait until someone is frustrated—and then the conversation becomes about everything that hasn't been done instead of how we can help each other.
One of the healthiest things you can do during a busy season is talk before the frustration builds.
You aren't opponents trying to divide the workload evenly. You're partners trying to carry the season together. Stop Keeping Score
This can be difficult. When we're tired, it's easy to start keeping score. I did the dishes. I drove to practice three times this week. I handled bedtime. I went to the meeting. I made dinner. I did...
Before long, marriage can start feeling like a competition over who is doing more. But here’s the thing, I don’t think marriage is something where we can always split things to be 50/50. 
There will be seasons when one spouse carries more because the other simply can't. Then there will be seasons when those roles reverse.
Instead of asking, "Am I doing more than you?" try asking: "How can I help you this week?" That simple question changes the posture of the relationship. It moves us from competition to partnership. Protect the Small Moments
One lesson we've learned over the years is realizing that connecting as a couple doesn’t requires a big block of time.
Sometimes it's a cup of coffee before everyone wakes up. It's sitting on the porch for fifteen minutes. It's turning off the television and talking after the kids go to bed. It's holding hands in the car. It's sending a text in the middle of the afternoon just to say, I'm thinking about you. It's laughing together. It's a hug in the kitchen that lasts a few seconds longer than usual. 
Those moments might seem insignificant, but they matter.
Don't underestimate the power of small moments of affection, friendship, and attention. They remind your spouse—and you—that you're more than two people running the same household. You're husband and wife. You're friends. You're partners. RESOURCES FOR MARRIAGE
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Dates Don't Have to Be Elaborate
When someone says, "You need to date your spouse," it's easy to picture dinner at a nice restaurant, tickets to something, a babysitter, and a hundred-dollar evening.
That can be great. But it doesn't have to be that.
Grab coffee. Take a walk. Go get ice cream. Sit on the porch after the kids go to bed. Pick up your favorite takeout and eat it together after everyone else is settled. Drive somewhere and watch the sunset.
The goal isn't an impressive date. The goal is intentional time together. Sometimes an hour of uninterrupted conversation is exactly what your marriage needs. Have a Marriage Check-In
As the school year gets moving, find some time when you're not rushing out the door and check in with each other.
Don't try to solve every problem immediately. Listen first. Ask each other:
Then actually listen to the answers. You might be surprised by what your spouse has been carrying. 
Remember Who You Were Before the Schedule
One of the strange things about raising a family is how easily the people you love most can become entries on a calendar. School. Practice. Lessons. Church. Appointments. Meetings. Dinner. Homework. Bed. Repeat.
But your marriage is more than another responsibility on the family calendar. In fact, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a marriage they can watch being nurtured. They need to see Mom and Dad talk. Laugh. Forgive. Serve one another. Show affection. Work through disagreements. Pray together. And choose each other—even when life is busy.
Amy and I haven't always gotten this right. There have been seasons when we've looked up and realized we were doing a pretty good job managing life but hadn't done a very good job caring for us. And when that happens, the answer isn't guilt.
It's intentionality. It's recognizing what's happening and choosing to reconnect.
Put It on the Calendar
Here's the challenge for this week: Put one hour on the calendar for your marriage. Not for errands. Not for talking about the kids' schedules. Not for catching up on work.
One hour for the two of you. Get coffee. Take a walk. Sit on the porch. Grab dessert. Turn off your phones and talk. It doesn't need to be expensive. It doesn't need to be elaborate. It simply needs to be intentional. The back-to-school rush will eventually slow down. Practices will end. Homework assignments will get turned in. Calendars will change. And eventually, the kids you're working so hard to raise will grow up and begin building lives of their own. 
When that happens, you don't want to look across the room and realize you've become really good coworkers who barely know each other anymore. So protect your marriage now. Make room for friendship. Make room for affection. Make room for conversation. And sometime this week, look at the person you chose to build this life with and ask: "How are you really doing—and how can I love you well this week?" - Jay & Amy 
Throughout this series, we have been looking at simple ways families can stay connected during a busy back-to-school season.
In part one, we focused on repeatable moments such as a ten-minute evening reset and one protected family meal. In part two, we explored how car rides, errands, family group texts, and a Sunday calendar check can help us make better use of the time we already share.
But creating opportunities for connection is only part of the picture. We also need to consider how present we are during those moments. Our children do not need us to have the perfect words or solve every problem. They need to know that we see them, hear them, and are willing to walk alongside them. As we conclude this series, let’s look at how focused attention, patient observation, and everyday faith conversations can help our families remain close—even when life is full. Be Fully Present for Short Periods
We sometimes assume that the amount of time we spend with someone matters most. But ten minutes of focused attention can be more meaningful than an hour spent in the same room while everyone is distracted.
When your child begins talking, put down your phone when you can. Close the computer. Turn away from the television. Look at them and listden. Being fully present communicates value. Of course, we will not do this perfectly. There will be times when we are tired, distracted, or trying to manage several responsibilities at once. When we realize we have not been listening well, we can acknowledge it and try again. We can say, “I’m sorry. I was distracted, and I want to hear what you were saying.” Even that moment can build connection because it shows our children that their words are worth our attention. 
Notice When Someone Begins to Withdraw
Busy schedules can sometimes hide what is happening emotionally within a family.
A child who is struggling may become unusually quiet, spend more time alone, stop participating in family conversations, or respond with irritation whenever someone tries to connect. Teenagers naturally need increasing independence and privacy, but significant changes in behavior should still get our attention. Do not assume withdrawal is simply a bad attitude. Move toward them with patience and curiosity. Avoid beginning with an accusation such as, “Why are you acting like this?” Try something gentler: “I’ve noticed you seem quieter than usual. How are you doing?” They may not answer immediately. Let them know that you are available, and keep checking in without pressuring them. If their withdrawal continues or you are concerned about their emotional well-being, do not be afraid to seek help from a pastor, school counselor, doctor, or qualified mental-health professional. One of the most important things we can communicate is that no one in our family has to carry something difficult alone. 
Make Faith Part of the Everyday Moments
Our points of connection can also become natural opportunities for spiritual conversations.
Pray together before leaving for school. Send a verse or encouraging message through the family text. Ask how you can pray for an upcoming test, difficult friendship, or important decision. Thank God together for something good that happened during the day. Deuteronomy 6 describes faith being shared through the ordinary rhythms of family life—at home, along the road, at bedtime, and when the day begins. Spiritual formation does not only happen during formal family devotions. It can happen in the car, around the table, through a text message, during an errand, or in a short conversation before bed. These everyday moments remind our children that God is present in every part of their lives—not only when the family is at church. Small Moments Hold Us Together
Amy and I are still learning how to stay connected when ministry, school, work, activities, and family responsibilities all compete for our attention. With four of our five kids leaving outside the house, we have to work harder to be intentional with our kids. We do not always get it right. Sometimes we recognize that we have spent more time managing schedules than listening to the people those schedules belong to. We still fill our time and then think, Gosh, I haven't talked to so and so in a while. I should give them a call.
When that happens, we try to come back to the small things. A conversation in the car. A text in the middle of the day. A quick trip to the store. A meal around the table. A few minutes sitting on the edge of a bed. A phone call or FaceTime. These moments may not look extraordinary, but they remind us that we are known, loved, and not alone. Your family does not need another elaborate event added to an already crowded calendar. You may simply need a few small points of connection that you can depend on. This Week’s Family Challenge
This Week’s Family ChallengeChoose two small connection points your family can repeat every week throughout the fall.
You might choose:
Keep your choices simple and realistic. Put them on the calendar if necessary, and give them time to become part of your family’s rhythm.
Small moments, repeated consistently, can help hold a busy family together.
What simple habits help your family stay connected when everyone’s schedule is full? Share your ideas in the comments. Your family’s rhythm might be exactly the encouragement another family needs. If this series has encouraged you, follow the blog and connect with us through the Gathered in the Higham House podcast, The Almost Daily Vlog, and our social media channels for more honest conversations and practical encouragement about family, faith, and everyday life. We’re cheering you on, Amy and Jay 
The back-to-school season can quickly turn family life into a blur of classes, practices, church activities, work responsibilities, appointments, and homework. Even when everything on the calendar is good, the pace can make it difficult for family members to stay connected.
In part one of this series, we talked about looking for repeatable moments instead of waiting for perfect ones. Simple rhythms such as a ten-minute evening reset or one protected family meal can give everyone a dependable place to reconnect.
But connection does not always require setting aside additional time. Some of the best opportunities are already hidden within the routines, responsibilities, and technology that are part of our everyday lives. Use the Time You Already HavE
Some of our best opportunities for connection are hidden inside the things we already need to do.
Car rides are a great example. When you are driving a child to school, practice, church, or an appointment, you have a few minutes together without needing to create another event. Because you are sitting side by side rather than face to face, children and teenagers may feel less pressure to talk. Some of the best conversations begin casually while looking through the windshield. Errands can serve the same purpose. Invite one child to go grocery shopping, pick up dinner, or help with a simple task. A parent-child errand may not sound exciting, but it provides individual attention that can be difficult to find in a busy household. You do not have to force a serious conversation. Ask a question, listen, share something about your own day, or let them choose the music. Sometimes connection grows through laughter and ordinary conversation long before anyone shares something deep. Create Family Group-Text TraditionS
This next one might be a little controversial. Providing your kids with cell phone is a tough decision. (We'll talk about that in an upcoming post.) But if your children already have a smart phone, this might be a positive way to use that phone.
Technology can distract families from one another, but it can also help families remain connected when they are apart. A family group text can become a place to share encouragement, prayer requests, photos, inside jokes, or reminders about important events. You might create simple traditions such as:
The goal is not to create another stream of notifications. It is to give your family a shared space that says, “Even while we are doing different things in different places, we still belong to one another.”
Hold a Sunday Calendar Check
One of the most practical ways Amy and I tried to stay connected is by talking about what was coming.
A short, regular calendar check helps the family understand the week ahead. When the kids were younger, it was mostly Amy and I who checked in. But as the kids grew, became more active with after school sports, and picked up part-time jobs it became super important that we checked in on a regular basis. It also allowed us to identify the days that may be especially difficult with sports, car usage, and school events. Ask questions such as:
This is more than a scheduling meeting. It helps parents see what each family member is carrying. It can also reveal when the family has become overloaded. If every evening is full and everyone is exhausted, it may be time to reconsider something on the calendar. Staying connected sometimes means learning how to connect within a busy schedule. At other times, it means having the courage to say no. Find the Opportunities Already Around You
Staying connected during a busy season does not always mean adding another activity to the calendar. Sometimes it means becoming more intentional with the time you already share.
The next car ride, quick errand, family text, or calendar conversation may seem ordinary, but it can become an opportunity to listen, laugh, encourage, and remind one another that you are still walking through life together.
What does your family do to stay
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These priorities are not additional activities to squeeze into the calendar. They help determine how you build the calendar in the first place.
If rest is a priority, you may need to leave some evenings open. If family connection is a priority, you may need to protect a regular meal or weekly gathering. If your marriage is a priority, time together needs to become more than something you hope will happen when everything else is finished. If growing in faith is a priority, your family needs realistic opportunities to worship, pray, talk about Jesus, and serve others together.
Numbering our days does not mean trying to fill every moment. It means recognizing that our time is limited and learning to use it wisely.
If rest is a priority, you may need to leave some evenings open. If family connection is a priority, you may need to protect a regular meal or weekly gathering. If your marriage is a priority, time together needs to become more than something you hope will happen when everything else is finished. If growing in faith is a priority, your family needs realistic opportunities to worship, pray, talk about Jesus, and serve others together.
Numbering our days does not mean trying to fill every moment. It means recognizing that our time is limited and learning to use it wisely.
Decide What You Will Say Yes To--
and What You Will Say No To
Once you identify your priorities, the next step is making decisions that support them. That means saying yes to some opportunities. It also means saying no to others. No can be difficult, especially when the opportunity is good. We do not want our children to miss out. We do not want to disappoint people. We do not want to appear uninvolved.
Sometimes we simply enjoy doing a lot. But saying no is not necessarily rejecting something good. It can be a way of protecting something more important.
Maybe your family decides that each child can participate in only one major activity at a time. Maybe one evening each week remains activity-free. Maybe you choose not to attend every optional event. Maybe you decide that exhaustion is a legitimate reason to stay home.
You do not need to build your family life around what everyone else appears to be doing. Your children do not need to participate in everything to have a meaningful childhood. Your family does not need a packed schedule to prove that you are making the most of the school year.
Sometimes the most important thing you can give your family is an unhurried evening at home.
Sometimes we simply enjoy doing a lot. But saying no is not necessarily rejecting something good. It can be a way of protecting something more important.
Maybe your family decides that each child can participate in only one major activity at a time. Maybe one evening each week remains activity-free. Maybe you choose not to attend every optional event. Maybe you decide that exhaustion is a legitimate reason to stay home.
You do not need to build your family life around what everyone else appears to be doing. Your children do not need to participate in everything to have a meaningful childhood. Your family does not need a packed schedule to prove that you are making the most of the school year.
Sometimes the most important thing you can give your family is an unhurried evening at home.
Make Room to Adjust
Even the best plans will need to change. A schedule that looked manageable in August may feel overwhelming by October. An activity your child was excited about may become a source of unhealthy stress. A new work demand, school challenge, illness, or family need may require everyone to adjust.
That does not mean the plan failed.
Healthy family rhythms should serve the people in the family. The people should not become servants of the schedule.
Give yourselves permission to reassess as the year unfolds. Ask what is working, what is creating unnecessary stress, and what needs to change. You may need to leave an activity. You may need to simplify a routine. You may need to ask for help. You may need to protect more rest. You may even discover that your family can handle something you were initially unsure about. Flexibility is not a lack of commitment. Sometimes it is simply wisdom.
That does not mean the plan failed.
Healthy family rhythms should serve the people in the family. The people should not become servants of the schedule.
Give yourselves permission to reassess as the year unfolds. Ask what is working, what is creating unnecessary stress, and what needs to change. You may need to leave an activity. You may need to simplify a routine. You may need to ask for help. You may need to protect more rest. You may even discover that your family can handle something you were initially unsure about. Flexibility is not a lack of commitment. Sometimes it is simply wisdom.
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Have a 20-Minute Family Conversation
Before the next week begins, set aside 20 minutes for a family conversation.
This does not need to be a formal family meeting with an agenda and matching folders. Gather around the dinner table, sit together in the living room, go for a walk, or talk while sharing a favorite snack.
Ask each person:
Parents should answer the questions too. Let your children hear what you are excited about, what concerns you, and what kind of support you need. Listen without immediately correcting, solving, or defending. The goal is not to fix every concern in 20 minutes. The goal is to understand what each person is carrying as the new year begins.
After everyone has shared, choose three or four priorities for the fall. Write them down and place them somewhere your family will see them. Then revisit the conversation in a few weeks.
This does not need to be a formal family meeting with an agenda and matching folders. Gather around the dinner table, sit together in the living room, go for a walk, or talk while sharing a favorite snack.
Ask each person:
- What are you most excited about this school year?
- What are you worried about?
- When do you feel most connected to our family?
- What is one thing we should protect on our calendar?
- How can we support one another this year?
Parents should answer the questions too. Let your children hear what you are excited about, what concerns you, and what kind of support you need. Listen without immediately correcting, solving, or defending. The goal is not to fix every concern in 20 minutes. The goal is to understand what each person is carrying as the new year begins.
After everyone has shared, choose three or four priorities for the fall. Write them down and place them somewhere your family will see them. Then revisit the conversation in a few weeks.
A Fresh Start Does Not Require a Perfect Plan
Your family does not need a flawless routine or a perfectly organized calendar to have a healthy school year. You will forget things. Someone will miss the bus. Dinner will occasionally come from a drive-thru. Activities will overlap. Homework will take longer than expected. There will be mornings when everyone leaves the house frustrated.
That is family life.
A fresh start is not about getting everything right. It is about becoming more intentional with the time and people God has given us. The calendar will fill quickly. The days will move faster than we expect. But busy does not have to mean disconnected.
Pause before the season gets away from you. Talk about what matters. Listen to one another. Decide what you want to protect. Give yourselves permission to adjust along the way. Then take the next step together.
Before this week ends, schedule 20 minutes for a family conversation. Put it on the calendar and protect it like any other important appointment. Because one of the best ways to begin a new school year is to remind every person in your home: We are in this together.
jay & amy
That is family life.
A fresh start is not about getting everything right. It is about becoming more intentional with the time and people God has given us. The calendar will fill quickly. The days will move faster than we expect. But busy does not have to mean disconnected.
Pause before the season gets away from you. Talk about what matters. Listen to one another. Decide what you want to protect. Give yourselves permission to adjust along the way. Then take the next step together.
Before this week ends, schedule 20 minutes for a family conversation. Put it on the calendar and protect it like any other important appointment. Because one of the best ways to begin a new school year is to remind every person in your home: We are in this together.
jay & amy
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MARRIAGE AFTER SUMMER
Staying Connected When Life Speeds Up Again
Staying Connected When Life Speeds Up Again
Summer has a rhythm all its own. The days are longer. Schedules are different. Vacations, cookouts, evenings outside, weekend trips, and a little more flexibility can create opportunities for families to spend time together.
And then August ends.
And then August ends.
School starts. Fall calendars fill up. Practices begin. Church activities return. Work gets busy. Homework takes over the kitchen table. Someone needs a ride somewhere almost every night of the week.
Before you know it, you and your spouse can go from husband and wife to two people managing a very complicated family transportation company.
Before you know it, you and your spouse can go from husband and wife to two people managing a very complicated family transportation company.
- "Who is picking up tonight?"
- "Did you sign that form?"
- "What time is practice?"
- "What's for dinner?"
- "Can you grab groceries on the way home?"
- "Did you remember that thing we're supposed to remember?"
Suddenly, your conversations become mostly about schedules, responsibilities, kids, work, and everything that needs to get done. And somewhere in all that busyness, your marriage can quietly get pushed to the side.
Not because you don't love each other. Not because anything is necessarily wrong. But because busy seasons have a way of consuming whatever we don't intentionally protect.
As summer comes to an end and life begins speeding up again, this is a great time to re-establish some rhythms that help keep your marriage connected.
Not because you don't love each other. Not because anything is necessarily wrong. But because busy seasons have a way of consuming whatever we don't intentionally protect.
As summer comes to an end and life begins speeding up again, this is a great time to re-establish some rhythms that help keep your marriage connected.
Your Marriage Needs a Rhythm Too
We create rhythms for almost everything else. There are school schedules, work schedules, practice schedules, church schedules, meal schedules, and bedtime routines. We put activities on calendars. We set reminders. We create systems to make sure the important things happen. But sometimes we expect our marriage to simply fit into whatever time is left. The problem is, there usually isn't much time left.
Marriage is more than sharing a house, raising kids, and managing a calendar. It is a relationship that needs attention, care, conversation, laughter, prayer, and time together. That doesn't mean every week needs to include some elaborate romantic experience.
Sometimes connection looks like sitting together on the porch after the kids go to bed. Sometimes it's a cup of coffee before everyone else wakes up. Sometimes it's running errands together instead of dividing and conquering. Sometimes it's turning off the television and actually talking for twenty minutes.
The goal isn't perfection. The goal is creating regular opportunities to turn toward each other instead of slowly drifting apart.
Sometimes connection looks like sitting together on the porch after the kids go to bed. Sometimes it's a cup of coffee before everyone else wakes up. Sometimes it's running errands together instead of dividing and conquering. Sometimes it's turning off the television and actually talking for twenty minutes.
The goal isn't perfection. The goal is creating regular opportunities to turn toward each other instead of slowly drifting apart.
1. Re-Establish Your Rhythms
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Before the fall calendar completely takes over, sit down together and talk about what you want your marriage and family rhythms to look like.
Ask each other:
Don't assume those things have to disappear just because summer is ending. Instead, ask: How can we carry some of those rhythms into the fall? You may have to adjust them. A two-hour summer evening on the patio might become twenty minutes together after dinner. A leisurely Saturday morning coffee might become fifteen minutes before the kids wake up. A spontaneous afternoon adventure might become a scheduled Friday night date. The rhythm may change, but the purpose doesn't have to. Find small, repeatable ways to stay connected. |
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2. Have a Weekly Check-In
One of the simplest things you can do for your marriage during a busy season is establish a weekly check-in. This isn't a staff meeting. Okay, maybe part of it feels like a staff meeting. Because somebody does need to know who's driving whom to soccer on Thursday. But don't let logistics become the entire conversation.
Set aside twenty or thirty minutes once a week to sit together and talk. Look at the calendar. Talk through the week. Identify the especially busy days. Figure out where you might need help from each other. But then go a little deeper.
Ask questions like:
These aren't complicated questions. But asking them communicates something important: I see you. I care about you. And I want to know what's happening in your heart, not just what's happening on the calendar.
Marriage gives us countless opportunities to practice that. Sometimes one of the greatest gifts we can give our spouse isn't advice, a solution, or another item for the to-do list.
It's simply listening.
Set aside twenty or thirty minutes once a week to sit together and talk. Look at the calendar. Talk through the week. Identify the especially busy days. Figure out where you might need help from each other. But then go a little deeper.
Ask questions like:
- How are you doing—really?
- What are you excited about right now?
- What's stressing you out?
- Is there anything I can do this week that would help you?
- Is there something we've been putting off talking about?
- How can I pray for you this week?
These aren't complicated questions. But asking them communicates something important: I see you. I care about you. And I want to know what's happening in your heart, not just what's happening on the calendar.
Marriage gives us countless opportunities to practice that. Sometimes one of the greatest gifts we can give our spouse isn't advice, a solution, or another item for the to-do list.
It's simply listening.
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3. Protect the Date Night
Date nights can be one of the first things to disappear when life gets busy. We understand. There are weeks when finding an open evening feels nearly impossible. But dates don't have to be expensive, elaborate, or even particularly creative.
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They just need to be intentional.
The activity matters much less than the intention behind it. You're creating space to remember: Before we were Mom and Dad, chauffeur and cook, scheduler and homework helper, we were us. And that relationship still matters. |
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One practical suggestion: put your dates on the calendar before the calendar fills up. Don't wait until you "find time.” Because you probably won’t.
Instead, protect the time.
There will certainly be weeks when plans have to change. That's life. Reschedule the date instead of abandoning it.
Instead, protect the time.
There will certainly be weeks when plans have to change. That's life. Reschedule the date instead of abandoning it.
Don't Give Each Other the Leftovers
There's a dangerous pattern that can develop during busy seasons. We give our best energy everywhere else. Work gets our focus. The kids get our attention. Church gets our service. Activities get our evenings. Our phones get our downtime. And our spouse gets whatever is left.
Usually, that's not much. We're tired. Distracted. Half listening. Scrolling.
Thinking about tomorrow. Sometimes the person we love most receives the least intentional version of us.
That realization can sting a little. But it can also be an invitation. An invitation to put the phone down.
Usually, that's not much. We're tired. Distracted. Half listening. Scrolling.
Thinking about tomorrow. Sometimes the person we love most receives the least intentional version of us.
That realization can sting a little. But it can also be an invitation. An invitation to put the phone down.
- To sit a little closer.
- To ask another question.
- To stay at the table a little longer.
- To go for the walk.
- To schedule the date.
- To pray together.
- To choose connection again.
Connection Is Built in Small Moments
After years of marriage, we've learned that staying connected isn't usually about the big romantic gestures. It's the small things done consistently. It's the text in the middle of the day. The kiss before leaving for work. The cup of coffee made for the other person.
Small moments build connection. And small moments, repeated over time, build strong marriages.
As Life Speeds Up, Slow Down Together Fall is coming. The calendar will fill. There will be practices, meetings, school events, church activities, work responsibilities, and plenty of unexpected things that somehow never made it onto the calendar.
You probably can't eliminate all the busyness. But you can decide what you will protect in the middle of it.
Protect the conversations. Protect the check-ins. Protect the date nights. Protect the small moments. Protect your marriage. Because your marriage shouldn't receive whatever happens to be left after everything else gets your attention.
Your marriage deserves a place on the calendar too.
- The inside joke that nobody else understands.
- The quick walk around the neighborhood.
- The conversation in the car.
- The "How are you doing?" followed by actually listening to the answer.
- The prayer before falling asleep.
Small moments build connection. And small moments, repeated over time, build strong marriages.
As Life Speeds Up, Slow Down Together Fall is coming. The calendar will fill. There will be practices, meetings, school events, church activities, work responsibilities, and plenty of unexpected things that somehow never made it onto the calendar.
You probably can't eliminate all the busyness. But you can decide what you will protect in the middle of it.
Protect the conversations. Protect the check-ins. Protect the date nights. Protect the small moments. Protect your marriage. Because your marriage shouldn't receive whatever happens to be left after everything else gets your attention.
Your marriage deserves a place on the calendar too.
Talk About It Together
Sometime this week, sit down with your spouse and talk through these questions:
- When have you felt most connected to me lately?
- What tends to disconnect us when life gets busy?
- What is one rhythm from summer we'd like to continue this fall?
- When could we establish a regular weekly check-in?
- What would a realistic date-night rhythm look like for us?
- What is one small thing I could do this week to help you feel loved?
- How can we pray for each other as we enter this next season?
This Week's Challenge
Before this week ends, put one date on the calendar. It doesn't need to be expensive. It doesn't need to be impressive. It just needs to be intentional.
Then choose a regular time for your weekly check-in—even if it's only twenty minutes. The fall calendar is going to fill up either way. Make sure your marriage is on it.
We'd love to hear from you: What helps you and your spouse stay connected when life gets busy? Share your ideas in the comments. Your experience might be exactly the encouragement another couple needs.
And if conversations about marriage, parenting, faith, family, and navigating real life together are helpful to you, we hope you'll stick around.
Follow along with us on the blog, join us on the vlog, and listen to Gathered in the Higham House, where we continue these conversations together.
We're not trying to pretend we have it all figured out. We're simply learning to love Jesus and each other well in the middle of real family life—and we're grateful to have you gathered with us.
With love,
Amy & Jay
Then choose a regular time for your weekly check-in—even if it's only twenty minutes. The fall calendar is going to fill up either way. Make sure your marriage is on it.
We'd love to hear from you: What helps you and your spouse stay connected when life gets busy? Share your ideas in the comments. Your experience might be exactly the encouragement another couple needs.
And if conversations about marriage, parenting, faith, family, and navigating real life together are helpful to you, we hope you'll stick around.
Follow along with us on the blog, join us on the vlog, and listen to Gathered in the Higham House, where we continue these conversations together.
We're not trying to pretend we have it all figured out. We're simply learning to love Jesus and each other well in the middle of real family life—and we're grateful to have you gathered with us.
With love,
Amy & Jay
Helping Your Kids Transition Back to School:
4 Ways to Start the Year Well
4 Ways to Start the Year Well
There’s something exciting about the beginning of a new school year. New backpacks. New shoes. Fresh school supplies. New teachers. New schedules. New opportunities. With five kids, we have had our fair share of first days. However this year, we are launching our last kid into their their last year of high school. With all the excitement of first days, or last days, so do feelings of concerns, anxiety, and stress.
For some kids, going back to school is exciting. They can’t wait to see their friends, meet their teachers, get back on the field, or jump into their favorite activities.
For others, the start of school can feel overwhelming.
And if we’re being truthful, parents can feel some of that anxiety too.
For others, the start of school can feel overwhelming.
- Who will I sit with at lunch?
- Will I like my teacher?
- Will my classes be hard?
- What if I don’t know anyone?
- Will I make the team?
- What if my friends have changed?
- What if I’ve changed?
And if we’re being truthful, parents can feel some of that anxiety too.
Back-to-school season brings its own pressures. Calendars suddenly fill up. Practices begin. Homework returns. Bedtimes matter again. Lunches have to be packed. Forms have to be signed. Everyone has somewhere they need to be.
Before long, the slower rhythms of summer are replaced by alarms, schedules, practices, activities, homework, meetings, and responsibilities.
So how do we help our kids transition back to school well?
We certainly can’t remove every challenge they will face this year. But we can help create a home environment that gives them stability, encouragement, and a faith that reminds them they never face those challenges alone.
Here are four things we’re thinking about as our family moves back into another school year.
Before long, the slower rhythms of summer are replaced by alarms, schedules, practices, activities, homework, meetings, and responsibilities.
So how do we help our kids transition back to school well?
We certainly can’t remove every challenge they will face this year. But we can help create a home environment that gives them stability, encouragement, and a faith that reminds them they never face those challenges alone.
Here are four things we’re thinking about as our family moves back into another school year.
1. Make Room for the Anxiety
Sometimes our first instinct as parents is to fix things. Our child tells us they’re worried, and we immediately respond:
And while those words are usually spoken with good intentions, sometimes our kids need something before reassurance.
They need us to listen.
Instead of immediately trying to eliminate their anxiety, give them space to talk about it.
Ask questions like:
Then listen.
You don’t have to solve every problem. Sometimes one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is simply being a safe place where they can talk honestly about what they are feeling. And when those worries surface, we have an opportunity to remind them of something even greater: God cares about what they care about.
Peter writes: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7
Notice that Scripture doesn’t pretend anxiety doesn’t exist. Instead, it tells us what to do with it. Bring it to God. That’s something we can practice with our kids.
When they tell us what they’re worried about, we can listen, encourage them, and then say, “Let’s pray about that.” Over time, we're teaching our children that prayer isn't just something we do at church. Prayer is where we take the real stuff of life. Even the first-day-of-school stuff.
- “You’ll be fine.”
- “There’s nothing to worry about.”
- “You’re going to have a great year.”
And while those words are usually spoken with good intentions, sometimes our kids need something before reassurance.
They need us to listen.
Instead of immediately trying to eliminate their anxiety, give them space to talk about it.
Ask questions like:
- What are you most excited about this year?
- Is there anything you’re nervous about?
- What feels different about this year?
- Is there anything you're worried might happen?
- How can we help you feel ready?
Then listen.
You don’t have to solve every problem. Sometimes one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is simply being a safe place where they can talk honestly about what they are feeling. And when those worries surface, we have an opportunity to remind them of something even greater: God cares about what they care about.
Peter writes: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7
Notice that Scripture doesn’t pretend anxiety doesn’t exist. Instead, it tells us what to do with it. Bring it to God. That’s something we can practice with our kids.
When they tell us what they’re worried about, we can listen, encourage them, and then say, “Let’s pray about that.” Over time, we're teaching our children that prayer isn't just something we do at church. Prayer is where we take the real stuff of life. Even the first-day-of-school stuff.
2. Reestablish Healthy Routines
Summer has a way of making routines disappear. Bedtimes get later. Mornings get slower. Meals happen at odd times. Vacations, camps, sleepovers, and long summer nights interrupt the normal schedule. And that’s part of what makes summer fun.
But as school approaches, routines become important again. Kids often thrive when life has some predictability. Consider slowly rebuilding your school-year rhythms:
The goal isn't to create a perfectly scheduled home. Because if your house is anything like ours was, perfect schedules rarely survive very long.
The goal is to create healthy rhythms that bring a little stability to a busy season. And don't be afraid to adjust. What worked last year might not work this year. Kids grow. Schedules change. Activities change. Family dynamics change.
Find the rhythms that serve your family in the season you're actually in.
But as school approaches, routines become important again. Kids often thrive when life has some predictability. Consider slowly rebuilding your school-year rhythms:
- Bedtimes. Start moving bedtime earlier before the first day of school instead of trying to make a dramatic change the night before.
- Morning routines. Decide what needs to happen before everyone leaves the house.
- Evening routines. Establish when homework, dinner, activities, showers, and bedtime happen.
- Technology boundaries. Talk about when phones, gaming systems, and screens need to be put away.
- Family time. Protect a few moments during the week when everyone reconnects.
The goal isn't to create a perfectly scheduled home. Because if your house is anything like ours was, perfect schedules rarely survive very long.
The goal is to create healthy rhythms that bring a little stability to a busy season. And don't be afraid to adjust. What worked last year might not work this year. Kids grow. Schedules change. Activities change. Family dynamics change.
Find the rhythms that serve your family in the season you're actually in.
3. Reestablish Your Spiritual Rhythms Too
As we think about getting everyone back into a school routine, we shouldn't forget about our family's spiritual rhythms.
Deuteronomy 6:6–7 says:
“These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children…”
Then Moses describes faith conversations happening throughout ordinary life—when families are sitting at home, walking along the road, lying down, and getting up.
In other words, discipleship happens in the rhythms of everyday life. And the school year gives us plenty of rhythms.
Those ordinary moments can become opportunities to help our kids grow spiritually. It doesn't have to be complicated. Read a short Scripture together at breakfast. Pray in the car on the way to school. Ask everyone to share one thing they’re thankful for at dinner. Talk about where you saw God at work that day. Pray for teachers, classmates, coaches, administrators, and friends. Send your teenager an encouraging Scripture during the day.
The goal isn't to add another complicated program to an already busy family schedule. Instead, look at the rhythms you already have and ask: How can we invite Jesus into these moments?
Sometimes the simplest spiritual practices become the ones our kids remember the most.
Deuteronomy 6:6–7 says:
“These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children…”
Then Moses describes faith conversations happening throughout ordinary life—when families are sitting at home, walking along the road, lying down, and getting up.
In other words, discipleship happens in the rhythms of everyday life. And the school year gives us plenty of rhythms.
- The drive to school.
- Breakfast around the table.
- Dinner together.
- The ride home from practice.
- Bedtime.
- Sunday mornings.
Those ordinary moments can become opportunities to help our kids grow spiritually. It doesn't have to be complicated. Read a short Scripture together at breakfast. Pray in the car on the way to school. Ask everyone to share one thing they’re thankful for at dinner. Talk about where you saw God at work that day. Pray for teachers, classmates, coaches, administrators, and friends. Send your teenager an encouraging Scripture during the day.
The goal isn't to add another complicated program to an already busy family schedule. Instead, look at the rhythms you already have and ask: How can we invite Jesus into these moments?
Sometimes the simplest spiritual practices become the ones our kids remember the most.
4. Be Their Biggest Encourager
Our kids are going to hear plenty of voices this year.
Some voices will encourage them. Others may make them question whether they are smart enough, talented enough, attractive enough, popular enough, athletic enough, or simply enough.
Home should be one of the places where they are reminded of what is true.
And remind them that mistakes aren't the end of their story.
There will probably be disappointing grades this year. There may be friendship drama. There could be missed assignments, bad decisions, lost games, failed auditions, difficult teachers, and mornings when someone forgets the lunch sitting on the kitchen counter.
Those moments are part of growing up. Our kids need to know that home is still a safe place to land.
- Teachers.
- Coaches.
- Friends.
- Classmates.
- Social media.
- Culture.
Some voices will encourage them. Others may make them question whether they are smart enough, talented enough, attractive enough, popular enough, athletic enough, or simply enough.
Home should be one of the places where they are reminded of what is true.
- They are loved.
- They are valued.
- They are uniquely created by God.
- Their worth isn't determined by a grade, a roster, a relationship, a social media post, or someone else's opinion.
- Remind them that you are proud of who they are becoming, not simply what they accomplish.
- Celebrate effort.
- Celebrate growth.
- Celebrate kindness.
- Celebrate courage.
- Celebrate faithfulness.
- Celebrate the moments when they choose to do the right thing even when it costs them something.
And remind them that mistakes aren't the end of their story.
There will probably be disappointing grades this year. There may be friendship drama. There could be missed assignments, bad decisions, lost games, failed auditions, difficult teachers, and mornings when someone forgets the lunch sitting on the kitchen counter.
Those moments are part of growing up. Our kids need to know that home is still a safe place to land.
You Don't Have to Get Everything Right
Parents can put a lot of pressure on themselves at the beginning of a new school year. We want the perfect routine. The perfect morning. The perfect family calendar. The perfect lunches. The perfect first-day picture.
But your kids don't need a perfect school year. And they don't need perfect parents. They need parents who are present. Parents who listen. Parents who encourage. Parents who pray. Parents who remind them that their identity isn't found in how well they perform but in the God who created them and loves them.
So as the backpacks get packed and the alarms get set, take a few moments to think about the kind of home you want your kids to return to every afternoon.
Not a perfect home. A safe one. An encouraging one. A prayerful one. A home where they know they are deeply loved.
But your kids don't need a perfect school year. And they don't need perfect parents. They need parents who are present. Parents who listen. Parents who encourage. Parents who pray. Parents who remind them that their identity isn't found in how well they perform but in the God who created them and loves them.
So as the backpacks get packed and the alarms get set, take a few moments to think about the kind of home you want your kids to return to every afternoon.
Not a perfect home. A safe one. An encouraging one. A prayerful one. A home where they know they are deeply loved.
A Simple Back-to-School Family Challenge
Before the first day—or sometime during the first week—sit down together as a family.
Give everyone a chance to answer three questions:
Then pray together. Write those prayer requests somewhere you'll see them and revisit them throughout the school year.
Imagine what might happen if, instead of simply asking our kids, “How was school today?”, we regularly asked:
“How can I pray for you tomorrow?”
That simple question might open the door to some pretty meaningful conversations.
Give everyone a chance to answer three questions:
- What are you most excited about this school year?
- What are you most nervous or worried about?
- What is one way our family can pray for you this year?
Then pray together. Write those prayer requests somewhere you'll see them and revisit them throughout the school year.
Imagine what might happen if, instead of simply asking our kids, “How was school today?”, we regularly asked:
“How can I pray for you tomorrow?”
That simple question might open the door to some pretty meaningful conversations.
One of my favorite things about summer isn't the
vacations or the cookouts—it's the slower pace.
vacations or the cookouts—it's the slower pace.
The school schedule eases up. Evenings stretch a little longer. Family road trips create hours together in the car. Backyard campfires replace homework. Walks around the neighborhood replace rushing from one activity to the next.
Those slower moments create something parents desperately need: space for conversation.
Some of the most meaningful conversations Amy and I have had with our kids didn't happen because we planned a family meeting. They happened while driving home from camp, sitting around the fire pit, fishing, eating ice cream, or simply folding laundry together.
Those slower moments create something parents desperately need: space for conversation.
Some of the most meaningful conversations Amy and I have had with our kids didn't happen because we planned a family meeting. They happened while driving home from camp, sitting around the fire pit, fishing, eating ice cream, or simply folding laundry together.
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Summer gives us those moments if we're willing to notice them. As summer winds down and we begin thinking about going back to school, here are five conversations every parent should make time for before the season comes to an end.
1. Let's Talk About Friendships
Friendships shape our kids more than we often realize. As parents, we hope our children are surrounding themselves with friends who encourage them and help them grow in the best ways.
Talk to your kids about their friendships. Get to know who they spend their time with. Ask questions that go beyond, "Who are your friends?"
Try asking:
These questions help children think beyond popularity and begin recognizing the qualities of healthy relationships.
As followers of Jesus, we want our kids to become friends who show kindness, grace, forgiveness, and encouragement—not simply find friends who do those things for them. Spending time talking about friendships helps our kids learn not only how to make good friends, but how to be one.
Talk to your kids about their friendships. Get to know who they spend their time with. Ask questions that go beyond, "Who are your friends?"
Try asking:
- Who makes you feel encouraged?
- Who brings out the best in you?
- Is there anyone who's been difficult to be around lately?
- How can you be a better friend to someone else?
These questions help children think beyond popularity and begin recognizing the qualities of healthy relationships.
As followers of Jesus, we want our kids to become friends who show kindness, grace, forgiveness, and encouragement—not simply find friends who do those things for them. Spending time talking about friendships helps our kids learn not only how to make good friends, but how to be one.
2. Let's Talk About Faith
Summer camps, mission trips, VBS, and even family vacations often spark spiritual conversations. As your kids share stories from their summer experiences, they also open the door to share what they're learning about God.
Don't settle for responses like, "Camp was fun," or, "The mission trip was great." Dive a little deeper. And don't assume you already know where your child is spiritually.
Instead, ask:
Parents sometimes feel pressure to have every answer.
\You don't.
Sometimes the most powerful response is simply:
"That's a great question. Let's discover the answer together."
Your children don't need perfect parents. They need parents who are willing to keep pursuing Jesus alongside them.
Don't settle for responses like, "Camp was fun," or, "The mission trip was great." Dive a little deeper. And don't assume you already know where your child is spiritually.
Instead, ask:
- What have you been learning about God lately?
- Do you have any questions about the Bible?
- Is there anything that confuses you about faith?
- How can I pray for you this week?
Parents sometimes feel pressure to have every answer.
\You don't.
Sometimes the most powerful response is simply:
"That's a great question. Let's discover the answer together."
Your children don't need perfect parents. They need parents who are willing to keep pursuing Jesus alongside them.
3. Let's Talk About Technology
Technology is a significant part of our lives, and as it continues to advance, it will only become more integrated into our everyday routines. We often hear conversations about limiting screen time, protecting our kids from online dangers, and establishing healthy boundaries.
Those conversations are important.
However, our job isn't simply to limit screens—it's to teach wisdom. We want to help our children see technology as a tool that, when used wisely, can accomplish a great deal of good.
Ask questions like:
These conversations build trust long before a problem appears.
Rather than making technology the enemy, help your children learn to use it in ways that honor Christ and protect their hearts.
Those conversations are important.
However, our job isn't simply to limit screens—it's to teach wisdom. We want to help our children see technology as a tool that, when used wisely, can accomplish a great deal of good.
Ask questions like:
- What do you enjoy most online?
- Is there anything you've seen recently that made you uncomfortable?
- Do you ever feel pressure from social media?
- How do you know when it's time to put your phone away?
These conversations build trust long before a problem appears.
Rather than making technology the enemy, help your children learn to use it in ways that honor Christ and protect their hearts.
4. Let's Talk About Character and Integrity
Achievements come and go. Character and Integrity lasts.
As our kids grew up, Amy and I continually reinforced the idea that character and integrity matter. These virtues speak to the condition of a person's heart. They reveal who someone truly is.
We taught our kids that who they are around other people should be the same as who they are when no one is watching. That their "yes" should be yes, and their "no" should be no. That promises should be kept and commitments honored.
Summer provides plenty of opportunities to notice character in everyday life. Watch how your children interact with siblings, friends, neighbors, and with you. When you see them demonstrating honesty, kindness, humility, or perseverance, point it out. Celebrate it. Use examples from the life of
Jesus to encourage those qualities to continue growing.
Talk about:
Celebrate moments when you see these qualities growing.
Correct gently when they're missing.
Remember, our goal isn't raising successful kids. Our goal is raising adults who love Jesus and reflect His character wherever they go.
As our kids grew up, Amy and I continually reinforced the idea that character and integrity matter. These virtues speak to the condition of a person's heart. They reveal who someone truly is.
We taught our kids that who they are around other people should be the same as who they are when no one is watching. That their "yes" should be yes, and their "no" should be no. That promises should be kept and commitments honored.
Summer provides plenty of opportunities to notice character in everyday life. Watch how your children interact with siblings, friends, neighbors, and with you. When you see them demonstrating honesty, kindness, humility, or perseverance, point it out. Celebrate it. Use examples from the life of
Jesus to encourage those qualities to continue growing.
Talk about:
- Honesty
- Responsibility
- Kindness
- Humility
- Perseverance
- Gratitude
Celebrate moments when you see these qualities growing.
Correct gently when they're missing.
Remember, our goal isn't raising successful kids. Our goal is raising adults who love Jesus and reflect His character wherever they go.
5. Let's Talk About the Future
Kids dream big.
Sometimes those dreams change every week. Sometimes those dreams become reality. Dreams often become plans, goals, and eventually a roadmap for what's next.
Take time this summer to talk with your kids about the future. Encourage them to think about how God might use them during the coming school year—with classmates, teammates, teachers, and friends.
Ask questions like:
Notice that last question.
It's far more important than asking what they want to do. Our identity is found in Christ before it's ever found in a career. Help your children imagine a future where they use their gifts to serve God and love others wherever He leads them.
Sometimes those dreams change every week. Sometimes those dreams become reality. Dreams often become plans, goals, and eventually a roadmap for what's next.
Take time this summer to talk with your kids about the future. Encourage them to think about how God might use them during the coming school year—with classmates, teammates, teachers, and friends.
Ask questions like:
- What are you excited about this year?
- What do you think God has gifted you to do?
- What would you love to learn?
- Who do you want to become?
Notice that last question.
It's far more important than asking what they want to do. Our identity is found in Christ before it's ever found in a career. Help your children imagine a future where they use their gifts to serve God and love others wherever He leads them.
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You Don't Need Perfect Questions
Sometimes parents worry they'll say the wrong thing. The truth is, your kids probably won't remember every question you asked.
They'll remember that you cared enough to ask.
They'll remember that Mom and Dad listened.
They'll remember feeling safe enough to share what was on their hearts.
The goal isn't a perfect conversation. The goal is an ongoing relationship where talking about life—and talking about Jesus—is simply part of what your family does together.
This summer, don't miss the opportunities hidden in the ordinary moments:
Those moments may become the conversations your children remember for the rest of their lives.
They'll remember that you cared enough to ask.
They'll remember that Mom and Dad listened.
They'll remember feeling safe enough to share what was on their hearts.
The goal isn't a perfect conversation. The goal is an ongoing relationship where talking about life—and talking about Jesus—is simply part of what your family does together.
This summer, don't miss the opportunities hidden in the ordinary moments:
- The drive home.
- The walk around the block.
- The porch swing.
- The campfire.
- The ice cream run.
Those moments may become the conversations your children remember for the rest of their lives.
A Simple Family Challenge
Before summer ends, schedule five intentional conversations with your child—one around each of these topics.
They don't have to be long.
Ten meaningful minutes can make a lasting impact.
Put the phones away.
Ask a question.
Listen more than you speak.
Then pray together before the conversation ends.
You might be surprised what God does through one simple conversation.
They don't have to be long.
Ten meaningful minutes can make a lasting impact.
Put the phones away.
Ask a question.
Listen more than you speak.
Then pray together before the conversation ends.
You might be surprised what God does through one simple conversation.
We'd Love to Continue the Conversation
Every family has a story, and we'd love to hear yours. Which of these five conversations comes most naturally in your home? Which one is the hardest? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below—we read every one, and your story may encourage another family.
If this post encouraged you, we'd love for you to stick around. Here at Life in the Higham House, we share practical encouragement for families, parents, marriages, and faith through our weekly blog, our family vlog, and the Gathered in the Higham House podcast. Our hope is simple: to help families pursue Jesus, love one another well, and find joy in the everyday moments of life.
Be sure to subscribe, follow along, and share this post with another parent who could use a little encouragement today. We'd love to have you around the table with us.
Grace and peace,
Jay & Amy Higham
If this post encouraged you, we'd love for you to stick around. Here at Life in the Higham House, we share practical encouragement for families, parents, marriages, and faith through our weekly blog, our family vlog, and the Gathered in the Higham House podcast. Our hope is simple: to help families pursue Jesus, love one another well, and find joy in the everyday moments of life.
Be sure to subscribe, follow along, and share this post with another parent who could use a little encouragement today. We'd love to have you around the table with us.
Grace and peace,
Jay & Amy Higham
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For many people, summer feels like a slower season. For youth leaders, it often feels like organized chaos. Summer camps. Mission trips. Vacation Bible School. Cookouts. Pool parties. Leadership planning. Parent meetings. Fall calendar preparation. Budget requests. Volunteer recruitment.
Even when our weekly programming slows down, ministry rarely does. And somewhere in the middle of it all, we convince ourselves that rest can wait until "things settle down."
The problem is... they rarely do.
Even when our weekly programming slows down, ministry rarely does. And somewhere in the middle of it all, we convince ourselves that rest can wait until "things settle down."
The problem is... they rarely do.
Ministry Was Never Meant to Be a Marathon Without Rest
Somewhere along the way, many of us began believing a dangerous lie:
The busier I am, the more faithful I must be.
I remember that, as a younger youth pastor, busyness meant fruitfulness. A full calendar pointed to a successful ministry. Extra time spent with students suggested I was engaged, effective, and well-liked.
All the marks of a healthy and vibrant ministry, right?
Wrong.
Sometimes the pressures of ministry—whether real or self-imposed—lead us to believe it's all about the doing. But Scripture paints a very different picture.
From the very beginning, God established a rhythm of work and rest. Before Israel had kings or prophets, before the Church was born, and before Jesus called His disciples, God gave His people the gift of Sabbath. It wasn't because He needed it. It was because we do.
Sabbath reminds us that ministry belongs to God—not to us. The Church (both Big "C" and little "c") existed before we arrived, and by God's grace, it will continue long after we're gone.
Busy isn't the roadmap to better ministry.
The busier I am, the more faithful I must be.
I remember that, as a younger youth pastor, busyness meant fruitfulness. A full calendar pointed to a successful ministry. Extra time spent with students suggested I was engaged, effective, and well-liked.
All the marks of a healthy and vibrant ministry, right?
Wrong.
Sometimes the pressures of ministry—whether real or self-imposed—lead us to believe it's all about the doing. But Scripture paints a very different picture.
From the very beginning, God established a rhythm of work and rest. Before Israel had kings or prophets, before the Church was born, and before Jesus called His disciples, God gave His people the gift of Sabbath. It wasn't because He needed it. It was because we do.
Sabbath reminds us that ministry belongs to God—not to us. The Church (both Big "C" and little "c") existed before we arrived, and by God's grace, it will continue long after we're gone.
Busy isn't the roadmap to better ministry.
Jesus Rested. Why Don't We?
One of the most encouraging realities in the Gospels is that Jesus regularly stepped away from the busyness of ministry. He often withdrew to lonely places to pray. He slept in the middle of a storm. He invited His disciples to "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while" (Mark 6:31). He intentionally made time with His Father a priority.
If the Son of God intentionally created margin, why do we feel guilty for doing the same?
Rest isn't laziness.
Rest is trust.
Every time we stop working, we're reminded that God never does.
If the Son of God intentionally created margin, why do we feel guilty for doing the same?
Rest isn't laziness.
Rest is trust.
Every time we stop working, we're reminded that God never does.
Sometimes the Most Spiritual Word Is "No"
This one is hard for those of us in ministry.
We love people. We want to help. We don't want to disappoint anyone. So we say yes.
Yes to one more meeting.
Yes to another event.
Yes to another student.
Yes to another committee.
Eventually, our calendars become so full that there's little room left for the people God has already entrusted to us. Even worse, we begin neglecting our own time with Him.
Sometimes saying NO to one opportunity allows you to say a better YES somewhere else.
A healthy ministry doesn't require your availability every hour of every day. Healthy boundaries don't weaken ministry—they sustain it.
Get comfortable saying no.
We love people. We want to help. We don't want to disappoint anyone. So we say yes.
Yes to one more meeting.
Yes to another event.
Yes to another student.
Yes to another committee.
Eventually, our calendars become so full that there's little room left for the people God has already entrusted to us. Even worse, we begin neglecting our own time with Him.
Sometimes saying NO to one opportunity allows you to say a better YES somewhere else.
A healthy ministry doesn't require your availability every hour of every day. Healthy boundaries don't weaken ministry—they sustain it.
Get comfortable saying no.
Recognizing Ministry Fatigue
Burnout rarely happens overnight.
It usually arrives quietly.
You begin losing joy in things you once loved. You feel emotionally exhausted before the week even begins. You find yourself serving out of obligation instead of calling.
Even students begin to feel like another task instead of people you genuinely love.
If that sounds familiar, don't ignore it.
Fatigue isn't failure. It's often your soul asking for attention.
The healthiest thing you may do this summer isn't planning a better fall calendar. It might be taking a deep breath, sitting quietly with Jesus, and allowing Him to restore your heart.
It usually arrives quietly.
You begin losing joy in things you once loved. You feel emotionally exhausted before the week even begins. You find yourself serving out of obligation instead of calling.
Even students begin to feel like another task instead of people you genuinely love.
If that sounds familiar, don't ignore it.
Fatigue isn't failure. It's often your soul asking for attention.
The healthiest thing you may do this summer isn't planning a better fall calendar. It might be taking a deep breath, sitting quietly with Jesus, and allowing Him to restore your heart.
Your Family Needs You Too
This one hits close to home for me.
We've spent years serving students. We've watched countless games, camps, retreats, mission trips, and late-night conversations become opportunities for ministry. And we wouldn't trade those moments.
But we've also learned something important.
Our first ministry isn't our church.
It's our home.
Your spouse doesn't need what's left after ministry. Your children shouldn't always receive the exhausted version of you while everyone else gets your best energy.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your family this summer is simply your presence.
It's not a perfect vacation.
It's not an expensive trip.
They want your attention.
They want you.
Eat dinner together. Take evening walks. Sit around a campfire. Go for ice cream. Turn your phone off for an afternoon.
Your family doesn't need a celebrity pastor.
They need you.
We've spent years serving students. We've watched countless games, camps, retreats, mission trips, and late-night conversations become opportunities for ministry. And we wouldn't trade those moments.
But we've also learned something important.
Our first ministry isn't our church.
It's our home.
Your spouse doesn't need what's left after ministry. Your children shouldn't always receive the exhausted version of you while everyone else gets your best energy.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your family this summer is simply your presence.
It's not a perfect vacation.
It's not an expensive trip.
They want your attention.
They want you.
Eat dinner together. Take evening walks. Sit around a campfire. Go for ice cream. Turn your phone off for an afternoon.
Your family doesn't need a celebrity pastor.
They need you.
Practical Ways to Rest This Summer
If you're wondering where to begin, consider one or more of these simple practices.
None of these things are wasted time.
They're investments in the person God has called you to be.
- Protect one day each week for Sabbath and worship.
- Schedule vacation before your calendar fills up.
- Say no to something that isn't essential.
- Leave your work phone in another room during family dinner.
- Spend time with friends who aren't expecting you to lead.
- Read your Bible without preparing a lesson.
- Do something that simply brings you joy.
- Get outside. Take a walk. Sit on the porch. Watch the sunset.
- Laugh with your spouse.
- Play with your kids.
None of these things are wasted time.
They're investments in the person God has called you to be.
Rest Is an Act of Faith
Youth leaders are some of the most generous people I know. You give your evenings. Your weekends. Your emotional energy. Your prayers. Your heart.
But remember this: You are not only a pastor.
You are also a son or daughter of God.
Before He called you to ministry, He called you to Himself.
Your identity has never been found in attendance numbers, camp registrations, or successful events.
It is found in Christ.
This summer, give yourself permission to rest.
Trust that God can shepherd His Church while He restores your soul.
The students you serve need a healthy youth leader.
Your church needs a healthy pastor.
Your family needs a healthy spouse and parent.
And your Heavenly Father delights in meeting you—not only in your work—but also in your rest.
Remember, your students don't need a superhero. They need a shepherd. And shepherds who regularly sit with the Good Shepherd will always have more to offer than those who never slow down long enough to be with Him.
But remember this: You are not only a pastor.
You are also a son or daughter of God.
Before He called you to ministry, He called you to Himself.
Your identity has never been found in attendance numbers, camp registrations, or successful events.
It is found in Christ.
This summer, give yourself permission to rest.
Trust that God can shepherd His Church while He restores your soul.
The students you serve need a healthy youth leader.
Your church needs a healthy pastor.
Your family needs a healthy spouse and parent.
And your Heavenly Father delights in meeting you—not only in your work—but also in your rest.
Remember, your students don't need a superhero. They need a shepherd. And shepherds who regularly sit with the Good Shepherd will always have more to offer than those who never slow down long enough to be with Him.
Challenge
Before this week ends, schedule one block of uninterrupted time with your family—and one block of uninterrupted time with Jesus. Protect both as intentionally as you would your most important ministry event.
Discussion Questions
- What does Sabbath currently look like in your life?
- Why is it often difficult to say "no" in ministry?
- Are there signs of ministry fatigue you've been ignoring?
- What is one practical way you can prioritize your family this week?
- What would trusting God with your ministry look like this summer?
