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In our post last week, STAYING CONNECTED TO YOUR SPOUSE IN THE CHAOS OF RAISING KIDS, we started a conversation that we hoped will be encouraging and helpful to parents who find themselves steeped in the busyness of raising kids. Marriage, our marriages, are super important and something we should be striving to keep healthy and a vibrant. We want to continue that conversation as we consider what it might look like to reconsider some simple priorities.

We know raising kids can consume everything. Having raised five of our own, we have walked through seasons of busyness. Schedules, practices, homework, meals, church events, bedtime routines… it can feel like it's nonstop. And somewhere in the middle of doing everything for your children, it becomes easy to slowly, quietly neglect your marriage.

Not intentionally. Not maliciously. Just gradually.

But here’s a truth worth holding onto: Raising kids is not a free pass to neglect your marriage.

As parents, we often focus on what we say—the lessons, the correction, the encouragement. But your kids are learning just as much (if not more) from what they see.

​They’re watching:

• How you speak to each other
• How you handle conflict
• Whether you prioritize time together
• If your relationship feels like a partnership… or just a logistics team

Your marriage is setting a living, breathing example of love, commitment, forgiveness, and respect. By making the time to put your marriage first, you show your kids what it looks like to live out your covenantal vows.

Remember, ​Your kids are watching your marriage as much as they’re listening to your words.

In Genesis 2:24, we’re reminded: “The two shall become one flesh.” Marriage was God’s idea—and it came before parenting. That order matters.

Your relationship with your spouse wasn’t meant to be secondary. It was designed to be foundational. Strong marriages create stable homes. Healthy relationships model God’s love to your children in ways words never can.

You don’t just want to make it through the parenting years.

You want a marriage that:

• Is strong when the kids leave
• Feels connected, not distant
• Reflects commitment and love over decades
• Continues to grow, deepen, and thrive

Because one day, it will just be the two of you again. And the investment you make now will determine what that season looks like.

Your kids need your love, your leadership, and your presence.

But they also need to see a marriage worth believing in. So in the middle of the chaos, don’t forget this:
The greatest gift you can give your children is not just a well-managed life—but a healthy, thriving marriage.

- jay & amy

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Let’s be honest—this season of life can feel like pure chaos. Between school schedules, sports practices, meals, church commitments, and the constant exhaustion, it can feel like you’re just trying to survive the day. And in the middle of it all, something subtle can begin to happen: the distance between you and your spouse slowly grows.

Not because you don’t love each other—but because life gets loud.

We’ve lived this. At one point, we had five kids in five different schools, multiple sports schedules pulling us in every direction, were planting a church, working full-time, and running in-home childcare.

It was too much.

And somewhere in the busyness, we realized—if we weren’t intentional, our marriage was going to take the hit.

This isn’t about guilt. It’s about awareness and intentionality.

Here’s a truth that can be hard to hear but is incredibly important: raising kids is not a free pass to neglect your marriage.

Your kids are watching your relationship just as much as they’re listening to your words. They are learning what love, commitment, forgiveness, and partnership look like by watching you.

And while parenting is incredibly important, it’s also temporary. Your kids will grow up and move out.

But your marriage—that’s a lifelong covenant.

In Genesis 2:24, we’re reminded that a husband and wife become “one flesh.” Marriage was established before parenting. That means your relationship with your spouse isn’t secondary—it’s foundational.

​You want a marriage that not only survives these years, but thrives long after your kids leave home.

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You are called to disciple your kids—but you can’t pour out what you’re not receiving.

If your spiritual life is running on empty, it will eventually impact your home. Staying rooted in Christ—both individually and as a couple—is essential.

In Deuteronomy 6:6–7, we see that faith is meant to be lived out daily—in conversations, routines, and rhythms of life.

​A healthy, Christ-centered marriage becomes one of the most powerful testimonies your kids will ever see.

Here’s a question worth asking: does your family revolve around your values—or your calendar?

It’s easy to let sports, activities, and opportunities dictate your life. But as parents, you are the leaders of your home—not the schedule.

That means you get to decide what matters most.

Some practical shifts:

• Decide your family values first—then build your schedule around them
• Be willing to say no to good things to protect the best things
• Prioritize time together as a couple, even when it’s inconvenient

​Because at the end of the day, a strong, connected marriage doesn’t happen by accident—it happens on purpose.

This season may be full, fast, and even overwhelming—but it doesn’t have to cost you your marriage.

​Stay intentional. Stay connected. And don’t lose sight of what matters most.

​We'd love to hear from you. Share your thoughts and comments below.

​- jay & amy